I think it’s mostly just using the bathroom as a private space to be alone (see again: 530 sq ft).
Luckily I am also uncouth enough that if he ever actually has a Serious Digestive Thing going and I need to pee really bad, I’m just gonna invade and use the shower.
Remind him that parking it on toilet and phone scrolling is a common cause of hemorrhoids? 
I have tried. It has not worked. I have given up on changing this, and am instead just going to occasionally complain when I really, really want to pee now and not in five minutes.
Although if he ever does get hemorrhoids I’m going to have to be careful not to blurt “told you so”…
I’m sorry for the struggle. Sharing a bathroom in a 500sqft 1BR (with me having IBS) was a level of bonding with my partner I really could have done without hahaha.
I am very grateful that neither of us is adding anything like IBS into the mix. That’s a whole 'nother world.
Can you get him to alert you before he goes in? Like “Hey, I’m heading to the bathroom; do you need to use it first?”
Hahahaha he does this if we’ve had a spat of “hey babe…” incidents recently. 
We haven’t had any in a while so he’s out of practice, though.
The pounding is to startle / scare / put an end to his reverie. Bathroom hogging is a pet peeve of mine.
My spouse and I used to do that! It was very helpful and it was code for
I might really stink up the place
Just realized I posted my TC in Random Q’s.
Get one of those camping pee devices designed to help people of any gender who need such assistance with peeing and a dedicated wide mouth nalgene bottle.
Or build a faraday cage around your bathroom so phones don’t work inside.
I fucking give up. I decided to do some yoga for some self-care. Boyfriend had just left to drop off a fedex that had to go out for his work.
10 minutes into my nice relaxing yoga routine, Boy Kitty launches an enormous hairball off of the top of the cat tree. It lands squarely on Boyfriend’s armchair.
Mind you, this is the third hairball I have had to clean up today. The first 2 were at 5 a.m., one out of each cat.
I cleaned it up, turned the video back on… and then he came into my office where I was practicing and where there is also a litterbox, and took the stinkiest dump ever.
TV: I did actually finish the damned video! Can’t say it did much for my mental health though.
TC - I decided to make granola early (pre 6am) this morning, my usual half recipe
As I was putting it into the oven, I realized I had used half the oats, nuts & coconut, but not half the liquids
TV - I mixed in more of the dry because I noticed before it started baking
TC - I didn’t have enough almonds, so I’m going to need to supplement later with shopping for more nuts
I know they do this on purpose to get more orders but I find it so annoying when I place an order on one of my usual sites and then am immediately sent a better coupon code than the one I used, good for only 1 week.
If it’s immediate, cancel and reorder.
I’m exaggerating, it’s like a day or 2 later and the order has usually already shipped.
I need to be more of an evil scientist to make this happen.
Bahahah I missed this. “I have some new decor! So excited” “ummm why are you stapling metal mesh to our walls?” “It’s a new trend, don’t worry about it”
If he usually uses wifi at home, you could unplug the router when you have to pee.
You rang?