I’m sorry we haven’t had better advice. I do remember that my favorite books at the worst time were Duct Tape Parenting and Honey, I Wrecked the Kids. They were at least pleasant reads and maybe there’s a new tool for the toolbox in there? Sometimes it’s easier to find joy if you can put your finger on something that’s really bugging you and work to improve that one thing.
(FWIW I did quite visibly struggle more with my older child than the younger and they seem to have forgiven me. IME awareness and openness goes a long way.)
This is good to know. My oldest brother was a really intense and difficult kid, and very similar personality and a lot of respect to latte. And he and my middle brother resent each other to the end of the Earth and resent my mom, and it is clearly an issue that underlies a ton of everyone’s issues.
No husband judgements at all!!! Seriously if you feel the rage bubbling over even if it means taking the kids out of school for a day and completely bowing out of the routine , it can be really helpful just Sharing some things I have done. My husband really doesn’t suck and still with the way his job travel drags on it can happen gotta make it work
It sounds like you’re hyper-concerned about causing resentment and damaging your relationships with your kids down the line, but you are a very intentional and compassionate parent. So I think even if your older kid has her struggles, you’ll be okay. Like LB said, you have awareness and openness; that’s going to help. And kids develop compassion too (although it can take forever) and they’ll be able to see you as a real person eventually.
That’s part of my problem though. I’ve tried taking her around mommy daughter dates and stuff and doing different things, but it’s just fucking miserable the whole time. I don’t have fun. She’s such a hard fucking kid in so many ways. Literally even going and doing precisely what she wants when she wants and she still manages to have a fucking issue and turn it into a battle. I literally don’t know the last time I could describe having an experience with her that could be described as fun. Sweet, maybe. Fun? No idea.
(Again though- how much is me versus her. I wouldn’t be chill if I was 5 and someone was on edge and snapped at me about ever damn thing. Of course I’d go to war)
Okay. Actionable. I’ve put Biblio’s books on hold (life hack; never pass up a librarians recommendations on books. Ever). Two. I’m going to keep an hourly log of husbands work hours and my “off time” hours and so on, get a sense of actual numbers here.
Anyone have suggestions on how to do some sort of class or workshop when you do not have consistent hours on the weekdays? And Saturday morning is my only social time when I do the playgroup for the kids and I see my neighbor friends.
I can’t stay up very late because I get sick instantly if my sleep gets fucked with (and I’m incapable of sleeping in, so just shifting the hours doesn’t work).
I don’t really wanna do a class or something alone, but I’m really not sure how to approach this or what even sounds good. I haven’t even been able to figure out how to consistently fit a workout class in, so I’m just kind of at a loss of how to do something like… enriching for myself.
I think you should find a consistent babysitter/part time nanny to watch Luna for a couple hours a week while Latte is at school and then you can schedule that time according to what you want to do each week.
It just seems wild to me to consider that. Like, I’m pampered as hell. I’m a stay at home mom with a cleaner. And a husband who doesn’t work set hours at an office, so some days he’s home all day. Do I really need weekly babysitting? I’ve gone six years with absolutely no babysitting whatsoever.
FWIW my daughter goes to a private school now with a VERY wide range of incomes. There are definitely families where I see the nanny do dropoff and then I run into the mom around the corner at the coffee shop a few minutes later. If you have the resources then there’s nothing morally wrong with getting outside child care. We all tell Econ to do that all the time and she also has a stay at home parent in the house (albeit with different constraints).
What’s best for you and your kids may be having a babysitter come for 3 hours, 2 days a week. Maybe this includes latte pickup one of the days or maybe it’s just watching Luna.
One more thought, I have a similarly completely random schedule and I don’t think others realize how much that can take a toll. Like sure my job is super flexible and I can pick up Pipsqueak early several days a week, but I also have to available on very short notice at random times (anywhere between 6am and 7pm) with only a day or two’s notice. That sounds very similar to SirB.
I do a private Pilates session every week but thankfully I can usually hodgepodge it to a new time at the last minute because I’ve been working with the same person for many years and she knows my situation. But this week I had to skip it completely because she didn’t have openings that worked for my schedule.
So if you have the chance to give yourself the gift of consistency I would highly recommend taking it!!
You get it. Not many people get it some aspects of it are absolutely wonderful. But some are very very hard. Especially when you have a child that thrives on routine.
Man, I’m just thinking about my childhood. And my family certainly had issues, but we also laughed a ton. Multiple times a day we were laughing until we were crying all as a group. We found each other hilarious. I feel like I really don’t have any of that in my life. I rarely actually laugh anymore.
I follow this Instagram account “parenting with intention” and it helps me a little with mindset shift. It looks like she has a book, but I don’t really know what it’s about. Anyway, burnout is hard and real and I also struggle with that anger.
Thank you, I’ll take a look at it. I can’t handle the accounts like nurtured first that tell stories from the perspective of kids at different ages to try to guilt trip you into doing better. I just end up pissed off. I know everything my kid is doing is developmentally normal, that doesn’t magically fix my perspective on this. More developmental information has not seemed to fix whatever is wrong with my brain right now.
(and I’m incapable of sleeping in, so just shifting the hours doesn’t work).
some aspects of it are absolutely wonderful. But some are very very hard. Especially when you have a child that thrives on routine.