Yeah, part of this has been accepting that my oldest takes after my husband and does not feel cold the way I feel cold. I’m not even particularly cold as far as women run either. But she’ll happily be in a T-shirt in Weather in the 40s if it’s not actively raining. I’ve just accepted that This is one of her quirks and roll with it. It’s not my hill to die on. If it’s not dangerous, she’s old enough now that it’s fine.
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You guys are not from Canada.
I once duct taped an angry toddler into a parka and bodily dragged him to daycare.
No frostbite was acquired that day.
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I mean I’m from Minnesota! So definitely very cold. There were times where it’s been below zero F and there was one step outside and directly back in before crying that it’s cold.
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One of mine cared not about listening to the body. We had wet pants up to age 10 or 11 or so, then it suddenly shut off like a switch.
That is probably not reassuring.
If the dresser was fully stocked with underpants, then wet pants were more likely. So I started stashing the pants in the laundry room and only having one pair available.
We were the parents with spare clothes in the SERT office for years
Screen time was our biggest trigger / most likely culprit.
Using timers was really the only effective thing, along with “the preferred activity is done till you try”
Oh and afternoons were more likely for wet pants as we got older / had more control. I don’t know why
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Good point, when Kiddo has accidents (which are like a tablespoon or two of liquid rather than a whole bladder worth) it’s after school but not like right after school. He’s been home, settled in, then oh hey potty time and he doesn’t quite make it. I avoid using his bathroom when he’s home because of the odds of there being pee on the seat.
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I have pinned a toddlers mittens on to the coat because I had to keep picking them up off the ground and we had a mile and a half to walk big sister to school and it was 5° F, but I feel like desperate times call for desperate measures…
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I stopped letting the kids use the master bathroom because I wanted just one toilet that I knew would be free of seat pee
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Thank you everyone! Even if it won’t work for us or we have vastly different lives and children or your kids DO follow regular advice, your experiences will help and support.
This seems better than never. When did the self “cleaning” kick in? Because mine laughs in the face of the internet moms who “make” their kids clean their own messes.
Like how are you (internet moms, not @star) “making” a child do things? If they choose not, unless it is a pick up and carry to new location/stop an activity by removing toys
Preschool days are definitely worse than non school days. And the day after preschool. So 4 days a week. I think it’s the same as the behaviour piece, where they can relax with us
Does math… that’s -17? I have tried on our coldest days so far when we weren’t going anywhere, -10. And got shivering, crying, and nope. I don’t drive so I’m wary of trying it except for play. And then he is happy to stay in. One success snowy day was putting his stuff by the back door and going out to play with the baby. He came out after 20 min. Maybe I’ll keep trying that technique instead of the front doir which he can’t open.
That sounds so good! We are kinda the reverse though - walk or bike to somewhere warm, then peer pressure to disrobe, or only have to insist on appropriate footwear. On the weekend we absolutely don’t need coats or shoes in the car!
That’s my hope! Keep trying everything and either find magic or eventually I keep myself distracted till teen years!
“I don’t know what is standard or not, so just gonna share lived experience!
Meowlet pees himself when he’s so into something else and doesn’t or can’t focus. So like TV or a very engrossing activity. We do timers to check in with his body. We pause tv and say okay how does it feel. This goes well sometimes and sometimes it doesn’t.“
That’s all anyone can share! I think this is the main thing (like for a lot of kids) but it’s deep play, which can’t turn off even with toys gone. My mum says she couldn’t punish me in a way I cared about because I sat there in time out day dreaming and seeing pictures on the wall. So he comes by that honestly 
Duct tape can be my magic! Wind proof too.
Thank you again everyone! Especially the ones who have been through it/are almost through it and have publicly or privately given me their real timelines. Before posting I’d been in a dark rabbit hole about UTIs and incontinence due to withholding in adults. So 10/14/16 might sound hard but it is realistic and optimistic hard not scary dark never.
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I don’t. Latte will burn down the fucking world. She will hit or bite as needed. Under duress is only something we go to for safety issues now 
otherwise it’s all gotta be the clever creative life hack song and dance route to get her buy in. Dr Becky had a useful one here- something about how a lot of parents present boundaries as what the kid needs to do. “You need to get off the table!” But a boundary is what WE will do. “If you don’t get off the table I’ll have the lift you off the table” type thing. That framing helped me because it stopped me from getting stuck in the ineffectual “but but… you have to! And I told you that!” cue panic or anger Only tangentially related but that shift has really helped me focus my communication around boundaries, at least.
I will say, for the first time in her life yesterday when I said “please? I would really appreciate the help” (asking her to unload the silverware which she normally loves to do, after she had walked over then went NO I CHANGE MY MIND) and she actually DID IT. Said okay and came and DID IT. Oh my god maybe she’s capable of empathy with me 
(that’s not fair. She’s very empathetic. Overly so. It shuts her down. That’s probably part of the problem)
That was rambling. Sorry. No coffee yet. Take it or leave it
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Waaaay after potty training. Definitely not at the same time as potty training, so if you give it a miss now don’t worry that it will never happen. We also still need to remind him to flush sometimes. And self cleaning is not automatic, it’s “Kiddo, come back here and wipe the seat because you got pee all over it. Okay wipe there, there … all that over there” with me pointing at about every square inch (square 5cm?)
There’s times I go to use the toilet and there’s pee on it and I just wipe it myself cause I gotta go now and my bladder does not want to wait on that whole song and dance.
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The 12 year old is naturally pretty tidy.
The 15 year old says their room is clean when it… Is not.
We have lists for cleaning the kitchen that are alarmingly specific
(ie 1) clear the table 2) put dirty dishes in dishwasher etc)
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Oh, I meant removing pee soaked pants and putting on new ones. But if they could clean the house that would be good too. I got G doing his share of chores in under 2 years starting past 40, so probably before then with parenting.
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Sometimes at home I will find D1 naked and ask where her clothes are and she will tell me she had an accident. She will take off the wet stuff but forgets to put on new. More often though, I discover her is soaking wet freezing cold clothes and have to help her change herself and then find any needed from wherever she was when the accident happened, if I can get her to tell me where.
This is also a thing at school. She never tells the teachers when she has an accident. They just discover that she is wet and then even if they ask her she often says no. One of her IEP goals is advocating for herself when she needs help (needs to change clothes, needs to use the bathroom, is injured and needs help). This is across the board with her and not pee specific - she also will fall down annd actually be bleeding all over and not tell the teachers.
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You can’t really make anyone do anything, at least once you can’t pick that person up. I think it saves a lot of parenting angst once you realize that.
You can make it worth their while to do what you want. You can decline to do something they want if they aren’t willing to reciprocate. And you can make it easier for them to stay out of trouble - we didn’t have a coffee table for a decade because I didn’t want to deal with small kids standing on it. It’s not like we could set coffee and decorative objects on it anyway.
And a ton of it is just innate personality.
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I don’t know if your little tiger would be influenced by this, but here’s a video from a Daniel Tiger game that is specifically about stopping play to go potty, even though you really don’t want to stop playing. It includes a little “song” that you could copy and repeat throughout the day as a reminder maybe. “If you have to go potty, stop and go right away.” Because if it comes from Daniel Tiger or Katerina maybe it’s more acceptable than just your mom saying “go potty”? It also includes baby Margaret needing a diaper change at the end, so everyone is included. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJI-51C8N4Q
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There is also a toy set with Danial Tiger and a potty to flush. Lol
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Is it forgetting or a more willful/ recalcitrant accident? Our daycare issued the kids (once parents said they were potty training) a little watch shaped like a potty that beeped every 30 minutes. It was like the slap bracelet of daycare. All the kids were obsessed and it seemed to help a lot as they were practicing! Reminders from inanimate objects can work better than reminders from parents, in my house.
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Thank you! I looked for seriously an hour. Now I have forgotten my question.
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Does anyone give gifts to their daycare teachers/nannys?
I was thinking a $50 gift card for everyone (3 teachers and the director). Is that too much? Too little?
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