This is such a hard stage. Survive 
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Noooo I want to roll the dice again and get a different answer!
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Shake that 8 ball! None of my babies did that but it sounds exhausting.
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We got one for DD who used it until she was 3 and then switched to a stepstool. DS uses it now, but we just bought him a stepstool as he was always trying to use DD’s stepstool instead. He’s not quite 2. Too bad we’re not closer or I’d give you ours. I don’t recall how old cuckoo is but you might get away with just a stepstool or chair depending on her balance. The learning towers are big!
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… maybe.
B1 was happy on the floor or being worn helping in the kitchen until he was 18 months, then I uit him standing on a chair. B2 started clombing chairs to watch me at 10/11 months and I was terrified and got the learning towers. Now they each fight over one of the two, but they are used daily. My mum had us perched on the counter or in our high chair while she worked in the kitchen.
So if you get one, it will get use. But if the cuckoo will go with another method, you’re fine
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We did not get good use out of ours, because my girls were climbers as soon as they walked. So they would simply use it as a means to climb onto the counters. It didn’t fold and I had to move it out to the garage if I wasn’t actively using it with them and then most of the time we would use it for 5-10 minutes, I would run out patience trying to keep them off the counters, and it would go back into the garage.
If I could go back in time I would not have bought one. Maybe if I had one of those children that’s content to do what you tell them, and don’t climb as high as possible every possible chance?
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I have no idea why my child didn’t constantly use it to climb onto the counters when she obviously could (and did a couple times) but I’m infinitely grateful 
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Mine just wanted to prove she could do something and then stopped. She now uses it to occasionally steal marshmallows and chocolate when she’s peckish.
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Mine is so weird about what boundaries she tramples versus not. Maybe because we constantly point out knives left on the counter and stuff? She has a surprisingly good sense of self preservation, in spite of what her feral nature might lead you to believe.
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I know this is extremely common with dad’s in hetero partnerships, and I think that @rocklobster suggested the same, but we are struggling with age appropriate expectations specifically around disrespect.
MrM describes Meowlet as having “behavioral problems.” I think it’s fueled by actual feedback from teachers who are flagging specifically social emotional skills and unmet sensory needs, but MrM has taken that to mean that Meowlet has carte blanch behavioral issues. His concerns center on… Wait for it… “Disrespect.”
Please know this is not the tone I bring to my discussions on it and my partner is a very emotionally aware and hardworking parent. But I need to be at least a little frustrated away from him so I can be productive with him.
Anywho, here’s his thing with the disrespect: “He needs to respect his parents. That means when we tell him to do something, it shouldn’t take us telling him over and over.”
I have a hard time understanding this.
He won’t do podcasts, books, videos, courses. He will only do conversations with people who are not me, not because he doesn’t respect me, but because we are equals and my say holds no specific sway over his unless I cite heavily and with a researcher citations out of the context of a lit review are only so valuable.
So we are going to do parent coaching with an organization and I can update on how that goes.
Anyway, here are my questions, asks:
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What’s worked for you in coming to accord on different expectations in parenting
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, I’m wondering if people would be open to be outsourcing some help on the range of expectations of that age range? Probably in a different thread. I’m thinking “it is time to go to school. Your child is watching a video and you’ve stopped it. How do they react?” And sharing stories. Prob different thread, since this is such a common issue. It’s not gonna be authoritative from an expert or empirical sense but qualitative things matter to the brain.
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I can do number 2 and 1 b. I can’t do one a because my hetero male is on a different plane
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You say he respects you about this but then he asks for sources but won’t look at any of your sources? That seems kinda shitty tbh. Does he ask the old people for their sources?
Anyway a helpful search term might be “psychosocial development of preschoolers”.
Re the definition of disrespect. If he’s working on something deeply and you ask him to do something he doesn’t see as urgent, would he just drop everything no matter what or would he be like “um not right now please I’m working?” Kids are still human, they’re doing the same thing. Why we expect more robotic compliance for straight up children than is reasonable in adults is beyond me. Idk if a logical appeal like that would work for him?
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What has worked for you when you and your partner have had differences on parenting styles based on your experience? Understanding, of course, that values are shared.
Ah. Also, to clarify, he will read the sources I give him. But research can be cherry picked and it’s not a great dynamic in that I am the one that’s always providing the information. We can’t solve that one until PhD classwork is over.
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Well, SirB is super data driven so he just… reads what I send him. He also maintains a default of “you have more expertise in this field and more hands on experience with kids”, so if we vary on opinion he’ll default to deferring to my view. And we just discuss methods.
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Got it. My husband doesn’t defer to my opinions on parenting if he feels strongly about something, because he sees that as creating a poor power dynamic between parents, which I agree with. But our set up is different - we’re both working parents and have similar exposure to small children prior to Meowlet.
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Yeah I’ll just like, pull out my child nursing texts or childhood development textbook. Definitely a specific dynamic when someone has professional and educational experience in a field.
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It IS an interesting thought, though, because even with all the research and studying in existence, there’s still no formula for the correct way to parent, especially when it comes to individual variation with a child. And I think no matter a person’s expertise, the fluidity of the specific situation invites equal participation from each parent, field expertise aside, ya know?
I’m trying to say that I want to invite his gut feelings and make a useful place to talk about this stuff, but I’m really struggling with the discrepancies we have with time, personal experiences, etc. So that’s why I find talking with people about their experiences useful. I don’t think anyone can solve it, but maybe I can learn something or take a certain tact or phrase etc.
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I think I’m specifically addressing when you’re talking about reasonable expectations of behavior for developmental age. They’re absolutely are facts and data when it comes to norms for development.
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Because the starting point of how should we address this behavior is of course, is this behavior normal and expected or not. He’s thinking he needs to address it as aberrant, and I’m saying if you’re starting from a basis that it’s developmentally appropriate then you just have to let time pass really and however you cope with that is a different question entirely.
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Yeah, part of the struggle here is, for example, the Montessori school flagging that transitions are so long for Meowlet. They’re flagging it because they want us to be aware that this is an area he is going to need more support and that they need more support for him. MrM, I think, is interpreting it as some sort of deficit or conscious choice rather than purely developmental.
So maybe what I can do is set aside time for the teachers to help frame (again lol) why they are bringing this up.
I also, and this is me being kind of Salty Mom about it, think that the Montessori school is rather precious with their expectations. 
Like OH NO the 5 year old doesn’t want to put his shoes on when you tell him, shocking.
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