Thanks! We actually have the ‘Little kids’ version sitting on a shelf, but I forgot about it.
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Audio book plus library copy of the real book for the cartoons?
Okay. So let your kid feel their feelings, tears aren’t bad, etc.
what if super fucking loud and lasts for ages? Little upset, huge loud reaction. Like literally on the order of “my headphone tangled my necklace, now I shall scream cry at 95 dB for 5-10 min”. Bad enough for mom and dad to be near (both noise sensitive). Super upsetting for the baby and makes her cry too and then choke on milk spit up? Basically how to make older kid shut that shit down but in like. A somewhat supportive way.
Definitely have what would be considered a “highly emotional” child.
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Everything I read is like “look inside and find out why you’re uncomfortable with tears, maybe your mom didn’t love you enough” or whatever when it’s like. It’s a legitimate physical assault it’s loud enough. It’s not that it makes my feeeeeeelings sad or something. I just want my ears not to fucking bleed, and not have my infants cortisol levels effect her development.
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And to be clear, that’s just to illustrate how often and easily it happens. Not to dismiss the tears as being invalid or whatever. I get that it’s frustrating and overwhelming to her, I’m not interested in trying to talk her out of her upset or something.
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Ok. There is no way i can imagine what works with Duckling will work with Latte because they are incredibly different, but we go with “we understand you’re upset and it’s OK to be upset but it is not OK to hurt others, and your sound is doing that right now. I will take you outside if you can’t stop screaming” obviously not all of this always possible but some version of it. Because just like hitting when upset, screaming that loud also not OK. Earmuffs for the adult who takes the screaming child to ~another space~ also a good idea. You aren’t leaving them alone with their feelings. Telling them their sound hurts and is not ok and they need more ways to express that dont hurt others could be a reframe for you/ her?
I have no idea on the many days when you do not have another adult.
@rocklobster look up Mr Chazz he is on youtube and IG and is a fantastic and pragmatic child development guy. He is Black and has some great stuff on explaining how to take parenting philosophy stuff and say it in your own words too, because theres a language barrier between the normal white american dialect of parenting info and the Black people he often works with. Which also works well if you don’t normally talk like Dr Becky.
I would recommend Mr Chazz to everyone tbh.
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Also LOL this does not make him stop but it does make me feel better that after many many times and/or eventual development it happens less.
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Huh I suppose I can think of it like hitting. Because it’s a form of emotional expression that’s too explosive to be okay, but is still a genuine expression of it. I guess I was thinking like. Sadness is more permissible than anger? But yeah I won’t let her angry stomp near the dogs head even if it isn’t direct contact because that inspires fear, why would extreme crying be different. Hmmm I will noodle on this.
This time SirB just resorted to taking her up to her room and ended up squeezing her to keep her in one spot and then asked her if she wanted more and she came back for more, so maybe we’ll try deep pressure stuff.
Of course now she’s rage slam screaming at her door after going on a pre nap routine that has drug out to an hour so. Today is great. Great.
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This is what I was going to suggest.
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Also LOL I found an article that was like “try counting slowly with them!” And so SirB tried and he got to two and she screamed in his face “STOP COUNTING” then fell off the bed and starting scream crying again. Who are these fucking articles written for? Does any of this ever actually work???
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I started but didn’t finish Raising your spirited child and it was helpful for what I read! One day I should go back but eldest has calmed a bit so it seems a tiny bit less vital. Youngest is so much more chill that shee seems like a cakewalk in comparison! I hope Luna is the same for you!
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I checked that out and then I had a massive power struggle with Latte about a library book so just took it back early along with the other books 
if that ain’t fitting… maybe this will be one I break down and just buy lol.
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I quite liked Raising Your Spirited Child, but it’s been decades and I have no idea what I learned from it. Lol
I’m pretty okay with anger, and I’m also pretty good at looking sympathetic whilst ignoring you.
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We were suffering through with our own noise reactivity issues but now that it’s affecting the baby so negatively it isn’t something we can just struggle along with anymore. Luna sympathy cries any time Latte cries. If we ignore Latte (frankly if we don’t, too) she just keeps working herself up over and over. She’ll drag stuff out for aaaaages. 10+ minutes is not an exaggeration, I check my watch out of habit from nursing for charting lol.
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Okay. Bought it. $13 is reasonable for new options. Esp since SirB can deal with most anything if he feels like he has a plan/protocol/what have you. And I don’t have any more to give him right now really.
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I assume they MAY work if your child is a little upset. But if the kid in question goes from 0 to 100 emotionally in half a second that is beyond anything vaguely cognitive in style like counting is laughable. Maybe suggesting to her a self-squishing device and practicing when shes NOT already blowing up and then adult help (“help” may be “with mild force”) when she is blowing up until she’s older and can manage doing it herself when upset?
Unsure of device. Sandwich herself in play couch? Heavy rug she can crawl under?
(I’ve tried the counting. Ponder rolled his eyes at me, pointed out Duckling kept winding up further and took him away for squishing)
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Ahhhh this is a “drowsy but not asleep” situation. I see. Does not work with children who are a stark binary on the subject.
She’s been anti sensory swing lately. (Even before the spinning vomit incident, it was on the outs). I’ll need to ponder alternatives. Since she’s very much not a hugger, as a rule.
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Ohhhh J1 at one point tried a weighted vest? If she’s not a hugger but the sensory deep pressure is a positive this may be a tool?
(they also had a weighted stuffy for their lap and weighted blanket)
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I really like Spirited Child! I picked it up before I had kids, but when I was babysitting my extremely spirited nephew a lot, and it helped a bunch.
@rocklobster What Dad Did on IG is great. A lot of his posts give frameworks for shifting your own mindset, and and example language to use with the child. Here’s an example post on staying calm when his daughter broke a bowl (sorry about long embed link): What Dad Did on Instagram: "How did I stay calm when I was really angry? For her current age, I would redirect O “Oh the bowl is broken because you feel overwhelmed, I am really annoyed, I will clean up for you” NOT blaming her like “you are making me annoyed” By watching O’s innocent face, I am forever grateful that I am able to stay calm 🥺 #selfregulation #consciousparents #staycalm #coda #auslan"
I also like Little Big Feelings on IG. Sometimes their tone can be too chatty or repetitive. They have a video course called “winning the toddler stage”. I haven’t tried it because it’s not cheap and I found their potty course videos to be a little bit slow-paced.
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Fortunately, from an early age dd2 would listen to her noisy big sister, sigh, and close her eyes.
We did talk to dd1 quite a bit about being angry when she was actually not angry, so that we could brainstorm things to do besides kick the wall or throw things. There was a lot of pillow whacking, as I recall.
But she was very attached to the baby, and I think she would have been pretty receptive to a reminder that screaming was not good for her baby sister.
Tantrums like that did taper off pretty fast after 5 ish, though.
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