I hadn’t thought of it that way, but in so many cases yes the kids are each as expensive as a whole human being (or more because daycare is $$$).
I mean, just laundry - you’d think the amount of laundry is less than 2X 2 adults because kid clothes are small. But they go through so many more changes, and they get you dirty too so now you’re washing your clothing more often .
One thing that Ramit discusses today that I agree with is that couples sharing finances makes things so much easier.
I am very much of the mind that what works for me does not mean it works for others. However, I have always really struggled to understand how separate finances has benefits for folks with kids. I think separate finances can work for folks if they have excellent communication and update the ratios often but I would struggle with the system alot of folks who have come on the podcast use.
One thing I did not like about how the conversation went (also I have 10 mins left so might change) is how when he shifts to “project manager” he just tells her what to do instead of being collaborative. I guess that is technically what she asked for? IDK I liked that he was able to engage with the conversation more after that switch but it felt too demanding and like it would not lead to change. I also think the house renovations are a sacrifice she needs to make when she is asking him for changes too (car).
In the most recent podcast Ramit goes on a tirade about separate finances.
Personally,
I do not understand the “he covers this bill, she covers that bill” set up but whatever.
This week’s couple had that set up and she said she made a separate account for childcare bills because she was afraid money in their joint account would be gone, and she would be short for the childcare bill.
Oy, that is a marriage problem not a money problem.
Edited to add: I see Ginja ninja made the same comment about separate finances.
Agreed that it CAN work but it seems complicated to me. In my marriage we have always had one checking account to pay all bills. That doesn’t mean DH knew everything I was spending (although he could figure it out if he wanted) because I had separate charge card accounts.
He is rather OCD about running the checkbook, paying bills etc and once in a while I would ask him a question and he sometimes respond calling me “Nosey.”
Ahem.
In those interactions, I calmly reminded him that I could have my paycheck, which was by far the largest one in our household, deposited into a separate account that he could not access. I did not wish to do that, but it was always a possibility. He became realistic very quickly then.
We did the split finances when we moved in together and it was a straightforward joint account that all joint expenses were paid from. It could be done with each putting in half or each a proportion but i could totally have seen it being simple and fair to use when having kids, because you can see that each put money in and how much it was, and if the joint needs more then each put more in, if its got too much it must be time for a family holiday! Splitting the bills and other twisty options I am less fond of the idea of for long term.
Whatever you want! Lots of people don’t agree on how to spend the non-necessary money so it’s easier on them to just have it in their own accounts to do whatever they want. Maybe they’ve been in a financially abusive situation before and it is a more safe way of managing money for them. Maybe they want to support their parents financially (or its a cultural expectation), spend on a hobby without oversight, save more or less for retirement. Rather than all being joint accounts you know the money is in there for whatever the joint household goals are (which may include each spouse’s retirement or may not), and then the rest is yours to make decisions with and you don’t have to worry what the other person is spending money on.
I like him best when he’s dealing with 20-23 year olds. I think a not fancy similar age person can be a good jumping off point
And he’s… unrefined. But there’s a market for that. Especially since he’s like that but not mega gross anti human rights
MMM is probably 10 years older than me and hadn’t jumped the shark and was living a lifestyle I admired when I followed him
So probably I need plainjane and cereal and smacky and freckles and star to start a shared youtube channel. Even though they are a) almost all real life friended and b) still young and thriving. Or I need to keep implementing what I know and gradually get my family where we want to be longterm.
yes, I bounced off him when he was dealing with older folks (especially those who were caught in MLM / life coaching traps that he didn’t recognize). His gap in the courses & life coaching scams is really painful at all levels of course.
And you are young and gorgeous and if I’d remembered that international mail exists and is cheap I would have bought you a present today. I need to remember this fact all summer