WOAHHHH!!! That’s pretty interesting. He directly said she reminded him of his dad and triggered him, so I definitely think he made that connection. I’m kind of shocked he didn’t notice how upset she sounded during the conversation though? She seemed over it and on her last nerve to me.
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We only accept corrections on the 32nd of the month. Thank you for understanding. We appreciate your loyalty in these unprecedented times.
(But for real I didn’t know that!!! Wild. My old movie references are more of the Lauren Bacall and/or MGM musical variety)
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I bet he’s still supporting parents and siblings. I say this as someone married to someone supporting parents and siblings- except it comes up in our long and short term money conversations. And they don’t get nicer stuff than us (they used to, and now they don’t - the order is our needs- their needs- our luxuries-their luxuries).
And he needs to pick her over family. Not just address wise. Their income is so close and she had to cover rent 
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I wondered that too. I also thought it was interesting that he doesn’t seem to be supporting the dad financially? Just the step mom and siblings? Or maybe I got the wrong impression. It sounded like the dad wasn’t living with everyone else anymore. But I also started getting pretty high like halfway through my react, lol, so really he could be supporting three kids in a trench coat for all I know.
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when you feel like over the top 50s comedic historical movie with Angela Lansbury as the spurned love interest and Basil Rathbone obviously having too much fun, it is a movie of its time. There is a usurper on the throne, a rag tag group of rebels, a child with a birthmark, a witch, and Danny Kaye.
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Um, given how expensive this stuff is it better be molten gold.
Back to the recap…
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BINGO, this is it!! He didn’t take any responsibility for his past. And maybe he doesn’t think he had a choice, but I remember how hard Ramit grilled that guy who was resentful of paying his ex-wife, or how hard he lays into people who are on his email list for 5 years and then finally email him to say they’re doing something about their financial woes, or how much he goes on and on and on about how people who have problems love to talk about them. There was none of that here? And no gratitude for Sarah. None. He said at one point she has no skin in the game? It’s all her skin, my dude!!!
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Maybe I’m just feeling hormonal but sometimes I think Ramit goes easier on people who remind him of himself.
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I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THIS. He has a big blind spot when the culture overlaps his background.
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Weird things in this episode:
- Andrew acts like Sarah is UGH NAGGING about Hawaii. She brings it up every 6 months and its a super fun thing, what is his problem?! A major trip of about that mich every year isnt off base for their salaries.
- If hes needing to check his accounts nd stuff i feel like he already knows he spent the money… Uh Sarah honey run
That is all in the first few minutes.
Hes got investments “oh look theyre $X haha didnt even notice im so clever” but also somehow racked up $65k debt and hasnt paid it back. WHY?!
Goodness this has more plot holes than my pasta strainer.
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I haven’t listened to the episode yet (and I forgot headphones today 
) but the thing about Hawaii is that if Sarah likes traveling so much she can just go by herself! But she should probably dump him
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Agreed on both points. While there’s not actually anything wrong with being a couple that only holidays together, if its actively against your values that is a different thing 
like it’s not working for you, Sarah. Stop waiting around, go on the holiday.
And then move your stuff out of the apartment. Im not sure I got a sense of what this couple liked about each other. And I dont get the sense Sarah was like his Dad, because Sarah manages her money and lives within her means but still enjoys herself, while his dad believes credit cards solve everything and someone else would bail him out.
Wait. Why is Target getting a roasting every other podcast but Ramit does not roast the vitamins at all?! The guy is just taking them because he heard about them on a podcast, its not actually for a reason AFAIK?
Sarah doesnt see him equally and sees herself as the breadwinner but he only earns $10k a year less and at their incomes thats not very different at all. If my spouse and I earnt those we’d figure we basically made the same amount. Why is Ramit picking up on this, and not on how she keeps bailing out dude?
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I think the $10k figures heavily when one person has debt and one doesn’t, at least in the short term.
Also, because he hadn’t been able to deal with the resentments in his family, usually that leads to extreme nitpicking and keeping score disproportionate to actual quantitative values in unrelated situations (ask me how I Know). Makes sense the 10k would matter to him a lot.
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I’m so glad other people thought this one was sketchy and noticed the double standards.
Summary
I agree Ramit has a huge blind spot when it comes to overlaps with his own experience. Maybe everyone does? Also, I’m going to sound like a jerk but…I’m in a mood. I sometimes feel like he talks as if a “cultural” expectation is some giant immovable thing that must be treated with the utmost care and understanding no matter how dumb or offensive it is but only if it’s one that Ramit is familiar with and had placed upon him. But then if it’s something that, say, only affects women (like the now infamous “omg why are women afraid of being left penniless? what a funny dumb insecurity!”) or another group he’s not a part of (poor people, probably others) he’s all, “don’t be a sheep!!! growth mindset!!!”
I also think culture can be used as an excuse (and has been forever, usually to oppress someone) and I come from a family with super traditional values so I actually get a lot of this stuff he’s referencing because it’s frankly not that specific to a certain region of the world. Any traditional patriarchy has it. Here’s what else doesn’t make sense to me as a person from that type of family. The guy in this podcast is claiming it’s all these weighty traditional expectations are what’s causing problems for him, and it’s super unfair because programming or whatever and it wasn’t his choice to give away all his money to his family (which I still seriously doubt). But he’s totally ok with breaking convention by living with his girlfriend and not marrying her. That is a HUGE no-no. And he’s ok with dating someone his parents don’t approve of, and I’m sure a ton of other stuff. And he has a step-mom who does not seem to be Filipino (because he specifically said "my DAD is Filipino) which isn’t exactly traditional either. And his dad is LIVING OFF the step mom and doesn’t make any money, which is not traditional either. Like, it’s just very convenient that the ONE expectation that’s intact is the one that makes it impossible for him to discuss money calmly or pay off his debt. And also…having your girlfriend pay your rent and groceries is (I’m 100% sure) not in line with what he grew up with. So he’s completely ok with breaking convention there too.
And also, IDK but a dad telling his son he has to care for his family and like, that money doesn’t grow on trees? I mean, I feel like every single woman I know has expectations far more stringent and numerous and impossible to meet put on her from age like, IDK , 5? And we just get on with things? I just had the feeling of…that’s it??? That is what was so scarring for you??? I mean I know people have different sensitivity levels and stuff but, I just don’t know if I buy that story.
And what on earth is Sarah getting out of this do you think? She still wants to MARRY him. Yet she’s totally unimpressed by him. Maybe he’s super handsome? Because he sounded soooo whiny so I don’t think it’s a charisma thing. I just…IDK. This one was a real puzzler. I also laughed when Ramit breezed past her expectations, as she presumably also grew up in a CULTURE with PROGRAMMING and CONDITIONING and all these other inescapable things that you know, women tend to also be affected by. Yet she’s managed to move right on past those and do what needs to be done…just like women are usually expected to do, lol.
TL;DR: I’m also hormonal.
Oh and to be fair to Ramit he did kind of tear into the whole vitamin/supplement thing being stupid. I think I just didn’t mention it. But he did!
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Oh ok good about the vitamins. It didn’t come across well in the actual transcript (which i just read).
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Yeah it was fast but he said something like how it was one of the most scammy industries and one of the worst ways to spend your money and how unproven most of them are, etc.
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OH, and here’s another plot hole. How is it that for the first 5 years of his career he was only making $3,600 a month, giving 75% to family, but still invested what’s amounted now to six figures. The only way that makes sense to me is if he started investing when he moved in with Sarah, and she was covering the bills and he was investing some of his extra rather than paying down his debt. And that’s still sketchy because I felt like Sarah was ok with covering him only in order to help him pay down his debt.
I mean I feel for the guy because he is clearly suffering a lot. And I fully believe he has childhood shit to work out. But I feel for Sarah too. And I don’t think we heard the real story.
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I think Sarah sees herself as the breadwinner because she’s the one who’s paying for the rent and the groceries. I’m curious if she is going to stay with him or dump him. I think Sarah really wanted her Hawaii trip, and the podcast did not deliver that.
It’s a mystery where Andrew’s money is going, because he’s not using it to pay down his debt. Ramit often talks about it’s not valuable to track your spending, but, if you don’t know where your money is going, I think it’s very valuable to track your spending.
Along with why Ramit roasts Target and various other things - I don’t understand his fascination with hotels. It’s a very transitory experience, hopefully you spend most of your time there asleep and the rest of your time out enjoying what you traveled for. Getting excited about a hotel feels about as logical as getting excited about a trip to Target to me. And you still have the stuff you bought at Target after you leave, whereas the hotel experience is just over! Provided someone can afford it, I can’t really see why it’s OK to spend $$$ for a nice hotel but not a nice car / truck / supplements etc.
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Ok so I haven’t even listened to it yet, but the least charitable explanation is that it’s very appealing to her that he was sucked in and actively enabling his disastrous family and financial situation, presumably they were dating while this was actively going on before he moved in. Sure, she’s the breadwinner for now, and maybe she sees this as temporary, getting mad she’s not able to turn it around in her favor yet.
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