I bet you’re right. I mean that stuff adds up so fast! And then if they also do one nice dinner out a week, if they get a bottle of wine each time, that’s easily $200 a pop, so that’s $800 a month, which would bring just food costs to $4,800 a month. And during vacation months it would be much higher than that. If their mortgage is even $3k a month, we’re at $7,800 in just food and lodging- or a little over $93k a year. Without cars, vacations, clothes, anything else.
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My source: I spend a lot on food and it would be so much higher if I let it.
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Or facials or nails or watches and jewelry or massages or or or.
There is probably a lot that is missing. I think Ramits observation that once people get over 150k in income they stop tracking things carefully is maybe true.
Like for us, by using the rich life rules I’m not paying attention to anything under $20. So I can see where this can happen naturally to an extent. So where is the line between not watching your money too carefully to live a better life and letting it get out of control where now you have no clue?
I’m thinking about one of the earlier guests who was worried about spending more money and giving up the rules and ending up bankrupt. I feel that fear a lot.
So I went crazy and bought 2 soups for lunch the other day- definitely life style inflation. I take the toll road now when I drive to work. Etc. I’ve probably added 100-200/month in less than $20 purchases. My life feels so much happier with this.
I see the slippery slope, but also is it that slippery? Or like the fed should we have a target rate of inflation to increase with income?
Sorry for the derail there- I am starting to connect a lot of the episodes in ways he didn’t intend. And also noticing some of the inconsistencies in how he applies his philosophies (which also because money is emotional I understand different approaches need to be used for different circumstances. Different strokes for different folks and all that).
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You’re not derailing! I think spending can be a slippery slope but mostly for people who don’t really think about finances the way most of us here do. I think with stuff like this it’s important to consider the type of person you are at your core. You’re a way too on top of your shit kind of person to let your finances get to the point where you re bankrupt or something.
Do you track your savings rate and set goals that way? That’s what I do. Our income is $120kish now and I definitely don’t follow a budget anymore, but I set monthly and annual savings goals and annual net worth goals. As long as we hit those we’ll have enough for forever so I figure beyond that…it doesn’t matter? If we stopped hitting goals a couple of months in a row I would definitely do an assessment of our spending and set some limits, so there’s even a failsafe built-in to an extent. I’ll know so soon if there’s a real problem and then we can adjust. I think you can trust yourself enough to know you’d do that!
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our income hit a quarter mill last year 
and i totally agree with the set goals / meet them / don’t worry approach. i do still track my spending so i can be like, ok madge looks like you have bought enough clothes this quarter so let’s chill for a while! and i do still plan using YNAB because it makes me feel safe and secure that i have all the money i need in my various buckets. most people i know do not seem to do this, regardless of income level.
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Yes I have thought that several of Ramit’s recent clients could benefit from YNAB.
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I have not laughed out loud so hard I peed in a while, so thank you for that. Also your opening line on this one, about the DayQuil Poops? Bless. I’m one episode behind but you better believe I’m catching up tonight so I can read the next installment of Dr. Judge Relationship Counselor AllHat Reads Podcast Couples (and Host) to Filth!!!
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Hahahaha, I’m glad you liked it!
And just so you all know: I have pooped normally since then.
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I’m listening to the backlog and I’m very curious about Jessica’s (from Jessica and Nathaniel) background. She sounds like she has an accent to me but not one I can place? He often works with first/second gen immigrants and Nathaniel is from Montreal and sounds Italian American to me. Accents are weird.
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Hm, he sounded more like, Hebrew-speaking Jewish Northeasterner (NYC/Montreal) to me, definitely not Italian American IMO. To me, Jessica sounded like she had a slight speech impediment or was possibly a bit HOH, which often results in slightly different pronunciation if it’s from birth. I didn’t get a strong accent off her other than the usual NYC bent on certain words but I could totally be wrong. Maybe it is an accent?
Accents were the only part of learning foreign languages I was ever good at, haha. I find small regional accents and isms super fascinating too, like the Dutch Mennonites around us in PA have the most intense almost stereotypically NYC-sounding accents I’ve ever heard. It was really surprising the first time I encountered it!
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I don’t know any (? Pretty sure) Hebrew 1st language speakers who aren’t from Israel so makes sense I can’t place his accent.
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It is now!
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Whose got lots of drugs an uncomfortably full bladder from too much Dr. Pepper and a penchant for snark? This b. Let’s rock and roll, time for
Episode 39 Live React
I think we’re starting with an ad but Ramit’s talking? We have the power to increase our salaries! There is low unemployment…supply and demand y’all! Hahaha, yep. Dontchaknow what we really need is the Find Your Dream Job program from Ramit, we need it! I already found my dream job Ramit, and it’s snarking on your podcast…DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND THE MONEY WILL COME! Right? Someone pay me.
Ramit says: what do u do if one person is into talking ‘bout money and one person wants to avoid it? Now he’s telling us how this can play out, with resentment, nagging, etc. He says sometimes one person empties the dishwasher in the relationship (lol wut?), or mows the lawn, but you can’t delegate money to one person!!! CFO AllHat Disagrees, as she cuts a check to the cat to keep his mouth shut (he knows why) and pays off her husband’s credit card balance without him knowing. Money can’t be delegated!!! Both partners have to be engaged, it’s just like parenting, says Ramit. Childfree AllHat is instinctively ducking in case parents are in earshot…it is best to never compare anything to parenting, she has learned. NOT EVER. He’s right though! As is famously known, both parents are always equally invested in their children’s lives, one parent never checks out and leaves the heavy lifting to the other…right? RIGHT? Sometimes he’s such a sweet summer child <3 I can’t even be mad.
Today we’ve got Alex and Nicole, they’re engaged. Nicole doesn’t want anything to do with finances so Alex has to do it all. Oh hey! First gay couple today! BRING IN THE RAINBOW BANNERS! POUR THE DOS EQUIS!! SOMEONE PLAY LE TIGRE GOD DAMN IT!!!
Ramit says that normally in this situation a money pro will BERATE the less engaged partner (lol, what? I love how in his mind everyone is an asshole, but him) and say things like YOU REALLY HAVE TO GET INVOLVED. But Ramit is wayyyyyy smarter than that! He’s like, sit down and shut up dummies, here’s the RIGHT way to make someone do what you think they should do. Future Cult Leader of America AllHat is taking furious notes with her gel pen.
Nicole says she doesn’t want restraints, wants to explore the world but Alex is more cautious. Nicole wants a doodle or shelter dog. She works alone at home because of the pandemic. Alex is out in the world, but Nicole is home alone and she needs a companion. It’s the first step to starting a family, says she. She has a name picked out.
Ohhhhh, snap. Alex says, “I don’t want to sound awful but if I were by myself, I would have a dog!” Whaaaat, so she just won’t get one with her fiance? Alex says it’s because they’re not on the same plan with the steps they want to take (IDK what she’s talking about) ok she says Nicole struggles with the concept of time? She struggles with work/life balance, and she thinks having a dog would add more for her (Alex) to do. Like she’d have to do everything because Alex has more work life balance.
Ramit asks if it’s more lifestyle or financial, this dog issue. Alex says it’s a bit of everything, she is from Europe…so if they travel where does the dog go??? Alex is basically saying it all sounds like a big pain in the arse. Nicole says Alex is “skipping over her mantra, which is: how can you expect to afford a dog when you have so much debt you can’t see out of it?” Oh ok, I guess that’s a thing Alex says to Nicole when Nicole brings up wanting a dog. Damn, lol, harsh take.
Nicole says she sees the value in that sentiment but she wants to live for now! Ah, the motto of the indebted! She says they will have the debt whether they like it or not till they pay it off, so might as well enjoy life. Ramit is talking to us, he tells us this is a normal take. He is trying to make an analogy but it’s like, just not very good. One of my fave things about Ramit is his terrible analogies, which are usually unnecessary to begin with since his takes are like…not hard to follow to begin with. Anyway the jist is Ramit already knew everything Nicole would say bc these are real basic bitch probs that lots of unsophisticated Target morons have. She’s not unique!!! IT IS NOT SURPRISING!!! It’s as not surprising as your terrible analogy, Ramit. Boom, roasted.
Ramit says in order to change people need to feel heard. He has to let them get their stories out, and the individual wrinkles of each story can be surprising. Nicole has student loan debt, oh ok, and she didn’t tell Alex until they were engaged. Yikes. No wonder Alex sounds saltier than my favorite Beluga caviar! Alex says it was shocking bc Nicole is smart, good at her job, and Alex is all like, “how do you not have a plan?” Alex says she’s very fortunate to not have loans. When they got engaged Total Bummer Alex was all like, let’s look at our moneys. That’s how she found out that Live For Today Nicole was only paying the minimum on her balance and the interest was going up by 3-4 times the minimum. Alex says her reaction was something like, “are you nuts?” because she knew how much Nicole was making. We don’t know their salaries yet, I assume it’s an eye wateringly high amount.
Nicole said at the time of that convo it was $100k of student debt but now it’s around $70k…but Nicole sounds unsure because, “Alex handles most of that.” So to recap: this finance delegation has resulted in her debt going down by $30k. Obviously this is a terrible unworkable situation that must be rectified. I mean, you would never have a company where only one person is the CFO! Right?! That would be LUNACY!
Ramit wants to know why she blazed past the progress they’ve made, going from $100k to $70k. Ramit wants us to TAKE THE WIN! He says people rarely celebrate things! Has a Closet Filled With Party Underwear AllHat disagrees. Ah ha! Ramit reveals, in a shocking moment, that he is not a naturally celebratory guy. That must be why he assumes everyone is that way, lol. He says at his company he used to not celebrate wins enough, he’s doing his ‘dumb guy’ voice, which I like quite a lot, but he’s learned! GROWTH MINDSET! You must celebrate. Celebrations, says Ramit, are important, 10,000 years of human history nods sagely, in agreement.
Nicole says it’s all because of Alex that they made progress. She made a plan, a strategy, and Nicole feels it’s all her who did it, which I guess is why they can’t celebrate? But she also says she doesn’t want to be more involved. Ramit loves the honesty. She isn’t making excuses! Ramit finds it refreshing, just like this ice cold Dos Equis available at supermarkets nationwide. He says this means she is self aware, which matters a lot. Alex was the one that wanted to be on the podcast too. Nicole says she knows it’s unfair to put it all on Alex, but she “can’t find the interest,” Double Meaning AllHat is thrilled. Alex is like, yah bro I’m not excited about it either but I still do it. Alex says the conversation only lasts 1-2 minutes because Nicole shuts down. Ramit wants them to do the convo now, so this is a sample:
Nicole: I just worked 10-11 hours, why would I want to work more, now?
Alex: Well you could do a little work now then in 2 years not worry about any debt!
Ramit asks them to review that interaction. Nicole says it’s immediately tense. Alex says at the beginning it was more calm but since it’s been years she’s kind of running out of steam. So have they been engaged for years??? Weird. Or maybe she means dating for years? Unclear.
Ramit says doing this late at night is a bad idea. Blue Plate Special AllHat agrees. He says that it’s like an ambush not a scheduled meeting. There’s a pursuer persuee relationship. And worst of all it’s a drag. Not like Rue Paul’s Drag Race, though. Not like the first drag on a cigarette or a joint, like…a bad drag. Not fun. It stanky stanks. There is a better way tho! Ramit says these convos can be more productive.
Nicole’s dog name (in her mind) is Bailey. Now we’re dreaming with Ramit. RICH LIFE. We’re talking about the dog, walking the dog. Ramit asks what about travel. Nicole wants a small enough dog that she can take it on the plane. Alex disagrees and interjects, getting a dog to Europe isn’t that easy, says she. Most airlines won’t let them do it. Then, Nicole says, but we have so much support here in LA, we have friends who could dog sit. Nicole thinks there are ways to compromise and work around it. Snark Is Growing Inside AllHat wonders if these people realize that having a dog is quite commonplace? And not all that complicated to most adult humans? Alex says their friends wouldn’t want to dog sit for a month, which is how long they want to travel. Golly, if only there were a HUGE INDUSTRY around fancy dog ownership, too bad they live in the backwoods of L.A. I read that dogs haven’t even gotten there yet! Hmmm, what will they do?! Such uncharted waters!
Ramit says they could probably afford a dog, that it’s possible they could get friends to watch their dog. But Ramit’s circling back to how Alex said that if it were just her she would get a dog, which…yeah kind of implies that her betrothed is so irresponsible she would make having a basic pet impossible? The implication is that Nicole can’t handle having a dog, says Ramit. Alex agrees both time-wise and money-wise. Nicole says she sees that, and she sounds un-phased at the implication that her partner has no faith in her, which is weird to Marriage Counselor AllHat. Ramit is gettin’ there, he says maybe the issue is trusting your partner? YES RAMIT. He’s arrived! We are approaching the point, at long last. Perhaps it’s clever to marry someone you trust and can rely on? IDK, we should probably commission some top scientists to conduct a study to see if that’s definitely true. But basically, the dog is just a detail. The real problem is these two aren’t a team. This is bigger than a dog, says Ramit. BUT IS IT BIGGER THAN A BREADBOX?
What is Nicole’s rich life? Moving up in her career, traveling, building a family, having a dog, being happy, start family planning and have a couple of KIDS, which will be more expensive bc LGBT. Waiiiit. They want KIDS? And they can’t agree on getting a DOG? Psychic AllHat predicts some future issues with this plan. Now we’re talking sperm donors. These are common expenses for LGBT couples, Ramit explains to us, his dumb AF listeners. He tells us that people in hetero relationships don’t even know about this!!! Hahahaha, omg then he says, “Because I didn’t! Until I talked to my gay friends!” Bahahahah! I love this guy, he projects better than an Epson. He says some of his gay friends spent over $100k on a surrogate. Ramit was shocked by that! Shocked, I tell you!
Money is political, says Ramit, we should THINK about what gets covered by insurance. AND FOR WHOM. Actual Person AllHat is super glad this able millionaire is going to lecture her on how health insurance works because she totes thought you could just ask for anything you wanted and get it covered! Do you mean there are disparities?! Not everything is covered?? IT’S POLITICAL?!?! IDK Ramit, I’m going to need to see the receipts on that, AFAIK everyone has always had access to all the same stuff. And I have gay friends too, so, I’m pretty in the know, winks your Trying Too Hard To Prove She’s Cool With It Aunt AllHat. Ramit is now shouting out his co-worker “Sydney” who predicted this would be part of Alex and Nicole’s story, Ramit didn’t see it coming, which is not surprising because he sees nothing coming, but Sydney did! She must be a prophet. So now he’s shouting out Probably Gay Sydney who works with Ramit. Good job girl, you nailed it! None of this is awkward.
Nicole is talking about sperm costs in the thousands, which is before all the other costs. And how that’s free for straight couples (lots of straight couples and single women also use sperm donors and IVF, fertility issues affect lots of people and usually aren’t covered by insurance, but plans that do cover it for straight couples with fertility problems don’t for gay couples, and they often make them jump through extra hoops), she’s scared of how much everything will cost with IVF if they end up needing that too, what if it doesn’t take, etc. She knows she should be involved in money but it all looks bleak. Ramit says it sounds expensive to have kids as LGBT and he’s not minimizing the cost but it’s a beautiful life, and all the travel and other stuff is probably more expensive than the having kids part. She agrees, but says it’s hard to see how they can afford allllll of it.
Ramit says if someone were mathematically oriented (we’re obv not talking about past Ramit here, lol, why would you even think that) they would say just budget for it. BUT HE WOULD NOT SAY IT’S JUST A MATH PROBLEM NOW, DUH. Learning and growing <3 erryday. Money is emotional. He asks why she avoids the money. Nicole says IDK, maybe it’s disinterest, or maybe subconscious fear of growing up.
Ramit is talking to us. INNOCENT DOE ROUTINE. He says ppl use this technique because it works. He’s not letting her off that easy tho! She has to engage with her money! Her innocent doe routine ain’t flying here, no sir. We’re going to turn back the clock to Lil’ Nicole and see what’s what.
Nicole says parents are blue collar (truck driver/postal worker), her parents had cc debt, money was always stressful as a kid. Phrases she heard around money “struggle, second mortgage, etc.” Ramit asks if money was ever positive for her. She says no, she got allowance, so maybe that was positive that she could buy stuff. She got $10 a week. Damn! That’s a lot! She would go to the movies, spend on social activities, she never saved it. She said she earned it so she spent it. Ramit asks if that’s a connection she’s made to her current money (check you out Ramit! Digging deep!) and she said no. She avoids analyzing things because it makes her nervous. Ramit tells her she shouldn’t be nervous. Women really like when men tell them to not have the feelings they have, right?
Ramit doesn’t want her to feel bad about money or have to avoid it. He says until she confronts that stuff nothing will change. Just Peed So Is Feeling Better AllHat agrees. He is describing how she uses avoidance tactics with money. She says he’s reading her like a book. She says she avoids it because it’s so anxious. Ramit believes in her tho, he’s being very motivational in this one, and like, very soft/kind overall. She says she would have to change a lot to be willing to confront her fears, plan her future, look at her habits. She wants to YOLO. She said again maybe she doesn’t want to commit to being an adult. And she says she feels comfort when Alex says, “I’ve got this.” She says it reminds her of an authority figure, or her parents, taking care of her.
Alex agrees this is their dynamic. Alex says she’s glad she can relieve Nicole’s anxiety but she’d love to also be able to relax sometimes and remove it from her plate too. Alex says she’d like to not have to worry about everything too, and she wishes they could swap every once in a while because she wishes she could not worry, but she’s the thinker and planner and doer. Ramit asks, “and what is Nicole?”— insightful question! Alex says, “Nicole is the…I don’t know…” she trails off.
Now we’re asking Nicole, “What are you if Alex is the thinker and planner and doer?” Nicole says, “well it makes me feel like I’m the problem.” Alex interjects, “I don’t think you are the problem!” Both laugh.
Note to my readers: While what they are saying is kind of worrying and harsh the tone is very friendly. It’s…a little weird? Like they don’t realize how harsh what they’re saying is, or the enormity of the implications, almost? IDK. Anwwho- back to our programming.
Ramit asks what Nicole would want to be described as. Nicole says, “I’d want to be described as an equal partner, someone who can alleviate her stress as well.” Ramit says, “love it.” He loves how they both used the word partner. That’s how Ramit thinks about his wife and him, she’s better at some stuff, he’s better at some stuff, that’s ok. There are things he does only, and things they both do, and things only he does. Partnerships can work however we define it, but rn Alex and Nicole are out of whack. Like childcare! He says both parents must parent, “you can’t just have one person be a parent” says Unaware of Single Parents Ramit. Money is the same, says him.
Nicole says she feels guilty for dropping the ball and that she can’t be trusted to manage her own money…she doesn’t sound like she feels guilty? But their tone is a little odd in general so IDK maybe it’s just nerves of being on a show. Ramit says for now, let’s set aside the guilt part, and flip the script to be positive. He says if you indulge in feeling bad it won’t get you closer to your RICH LIFE. Ramit says he “honors her feelings” (ok, who here sent him a self-help book?) but for the time being let’s charge ahead with RICH LIFE.
Ok, both want to be partners. Nicole needs to paint another picture, what do partners do. She says she’d handle half the financial decisions. Her opinions and ideas would be taken seriously, respected almost? Not shot down immediately. Take ownership of the debt she brought into the relationship. Ramit said that sounds pretty good. He asks if this means currently she’s not taken seriously, or doesn’t have an equal voice rn?
Ramit is talking at us again. THIS IS A TURNING POINT, he says. He’s congratulating himself on not berating her, lol, like “everyone” else would have done…in his mind. He’s like, LOOK HOW GOOD I DID AND HOW WELL THIS WORKS! He’s basking in his own glory, equal parts proud and amazed that being respectful and listening rather than shouting over people is effective.
Back to Alex. She says finances has become such a huge part of their life it’s like 80% of what they are. Alex says Nicole is the YOLO person. Ramit says this is common, one partner is the books and spreadsheets person and the other one is like whatevs. Ramit loves it because he’s seen the pattern but typically the YOLO person likes nice stuff— and with a few tweaks the YOLO person can still live a good life, but they have to have a bigger vision. Alex says she wants to be the YOLO person and used to be, but now in this dynamic she’s forced to be the finance person. Ramit went, “WOAHHHHHH”.
Nicole says she noticed that, and that when she and Alex were just dating Alex was totally YOLO. I hate myself for typing YOLO so many times. Now, Nicole says, Alex is way uptight. She’s constantly worried about money. Ramit is like, “where is this coming from Alex?” and she says it’s from combining finances. Ramit is like, but you doubled your income. Alex says she feels like they hardly did because of debt, and they are both contributing 50/50 to debt repayment. Before, Alex had zero debt. She says they did double the power they have to pay off debt, IDK how she doesn’t see that as doubling income? Alex says she is cool with 50/50 but also sounds pretty bitter about it tbh. Nicole interjects that this was Alex’s idea to help her pay this debt off and she didn’t have to do it. Nicole says it’s normal to have college debt and sounds a bit defensive, prob because she has six figures of it? I mean…that is wayyyyyy more than average, that’s for sure went to a super fancy luxury school debt. Totally optional in Did Community College To Save Money AllHat’s opinion. Ramit stops Nicole in her tracks bc she’s starting to guilt spiral but actually sounds kind of mad?
Ramit’s talking at us again. He says he’s not crazy about their 50/50 debt payoff. I thought equal partnership was a good thing? I don’t understand his logic around marriage partnerships at all, lol. He says sequencing is half the battle in these conversations. Did we notice how Nicole was about to spin? Yes. He says you have to find a way to avoid spiraling. He says to create a funny word like Negative Nancy, and when your partner begins to spiral to say, “Uh-oh, sounds like Negative Nancy is coming out! Can we take a quick break?” …this is his real suggestion. I think I should try it when my husband is having an anxiety spiral, preferably when he’s also tired and has a big work project. I’m sure he’d react really well. He definitely wouldn’t throw a plate of lasagna at me. I bet it would work great on new moms too, like in that fun stage where the baby doesn’t sleep all night yet. Don’t be moody NEGATIVE NANCY! Some of you got a little mad just reading that. I rest my case, Attorney AllHat says, rushing into the courtroom with a rich lady “good assistants are hard to find” type expression.
He says we can also use his name to interject, “RAMIT says we should pause before we get into the weeds, can we focus on the positive instead?” Can you imagine saying that IRL?
As a weird hybrid laid back/optimistic robot who is married to a high strung and very anxious normal person human I have learned that unfortunately you cannot program your partner into positivity and perspective. Weirdly, normal humans…uh, do not take kindly to that. 10/10 Do not recommend.
We’re back to Nicole. She is thanking Alex for everything she does and says she wants to take things more seriously. She sound suuuuuper sad tho.
Ramit is talking at us again, he says negativity can be selfish even though that isn’t the intention. When you jump into automatic negative scripts you are focused on yourself only. But a relationship is working together! He loves looking at it more positively, it’s more productive! Actual AllHat agrees in theory because she does this all the time for herself, but the problem is it doesn’t work for people who don’t think this way…and it especially doesn’t work for people who literally don’t even believe it’s a possible thing. He thinks Nicole is now hopeful and optimistic and seeing perspective, because she is saying things that connote gratitude—but her tone of voice sounds like she’s totally dejected and lower than ever. He ends his speech with “a partnership needs 50-50”…but I thought he said he didn’t like them paying 50-50?
Ramit is asking Nicole what the effect has been of Alex offering to pay 50% of her loan off. Nicole says the faster payoff is a positive one, but it’s taken an emotional toll. It’s set up a dynamic where Alex feels like she needs to take care of it and overachieve. And Nicole feels insecure because she feels disempowered. Alex misses the YOLO (kill me) life. Ramit’s point isn’t that they should stop jointly paying but it doesn’t have to be 50/50, it can be split a different way.
Side note: Does this make zero sense to anyone else? They don’t feel like partners while paying 50/50 on this loan, but by changing the ratio they will somehow feel more like partners? IMO this has nothing to do with 50/50 vs. 60/40 vs. 80/20 because it isn’t really about that. It’s more about who is mentally taking it on, from what Alex has said. IDK, maybe I’m missing something?
Alex wants their dynamic to be true partners. Ramit thinks this is AWESOME. But Alex is taking on the burden! Without appreciation! And Nicole accepted the 50/50 arrangement, but it was all her debt! So she should step up and pay more! Nicole says she feels empowered. Ramit says it’s because she’s taking responsibility and being a TRUE partner. Alex can still contribute, but a true partner says “Alex I appreciate it, but I now realize in order to be a partner I need to step up and pay way more.” She should also set up meetings, start logging into accounts, and taking over the management.
Nicole says she’d love to pay around 70%-75%. She says all her money already goes to wedding, savings, debt, but maybe she can move that around to pay more on her loans. She sounds pretty excited now! If she does that Alex can continue to “live that YOLO life” (I’m too old for Coachella, please don’t make me go). There is more equality in the relationship with this setup, says Ramit. Alex says this is exciting. They sound more positive!
We’re circling back to Bailey The Aspirational Dog. Does Nicole see how Bailey fits into RICH LIFE now? Yes, she does. Bailey isn’t something she can just have now. She has to show Alex she can be responsible. In all the ways, life, finances, etc. She says it gives her more confidence. Alex says she feels like Nicole’s going to come back to her with a chart about the dog. They’re both laughing. They’re pretty cute, ngl. Nicole says she feels empowered because she never thought she could manage money.
Ramit asks if they have any questions. Alex has a specific question. For work she gets bonuses, how should she allocate the bonus? He says the two of them should discuss and he’ll offer thoughts.
Bonus is $17k, they found out about that today. Alex said to put it all in 401(k) Nicole kind of agrees. Ramit points out this is their old dynamic. She agrees. He’s making them talk about it more. He’s encouraging her to become more competent so she is more confident (check out Ramit!). He’s like, you need to know the numbers, telling her how that $17k will be $181k by retirement if they put it all in 401(k). Nicole says that’s way more than she thought. He says ok what’s a YOLO (cries) option? Ramit’s rule is when he gets unexpected money he invests 50% and spends 50%. He asks Alex to propose something like that but which makes sense for their finances. Alex says maybe invest the majority but keep some for fun. She says invest all of it. LOL. He reminds her she’s in a partnership. She says take some for a trip and invest…man this chick does not want to give an amount, lol. He’s like HOW MUCH. She says invest 80% and 20% for spending on the honeymoon. Now, Ramit says, ask your partner how she feels. She asks what Nicole thinks. Nicole likes the idea bc they want their honeymoon to be once in a lifetime. She’d prefer to do 75% invest and 25% spend, she says it’s hard for her to conceptualize percents and would rather work backwards with the total cost of the honeymoon and how much they need. Financier AllHat thinks this is a really good idea, and that perhaps Nicole isn’t as poorly suited to managing money as she thought. Alex says, if you go about it that way you’ll want to put all of it in the honeymoon and you’ll just drain it all. Nicole sounds like the wind was taken out of her sails, “yeah… I guess, I mean I could dream with limits…not like…” HUH. As usual things are getting interesting right at the end, Alex cut down her idea immediately and made it sound really stupid and like she’d naturally fritter away everything. Nicole’s tone changed instantly, like she felt dumb and chided for even suggesting it.
Ramit interjects, ok this is what you need to work on. He’s pointing out that they have $17k extra to decide what to do with! This is fun, this is a great decision to get to make! They should pour wine and talk about it. Weirdly Aligned With Ramit AllHat agrees completely. The tone they have is very odd, like they’re arranging a funeral, not discussing literal bonus money. I think Alex doesn’t think Nicole is very smart, or trustworthy. Ramit says they need to talk about it at the right time, with music on, etc. He says it’s ok Nicole doesn’t do well with percentages, she could ask Alex to translate those to dollar amounts, then they could discuss all kinds of options for splitting things up. Just Heard The Previous Part of This Conversation AllHat doesn’t know if this will work and suspects Alex would make Nicole feel dumb for asking/having alternate ideas. Nicole is very forthcoming about how she never thought of opportunity cost before, but will try to now. Alex is silent. Ramit says now they can be joyful about money and speak the same language! Now it’s positive! God bless Ramit, lol, I wish we lived on the same planet.
He’s telling them about his honeymoon now and how it was something they viewed as once in a lifetime too (like Alex and Nicole said they wanted). He said his wife was more scarcity minded. Their honeymoon was great, the typical dream honeymoon: multiple countries, perfect accommodations, lol. We drove like 2 hours to get to our honeymoon, which was in the same state we lived in and lasted a long weekend, I wonder if that even counts. He said on the last night of their honeymoon in Thailand (so relatable) his wife said, “normally I’d feel sad at the end of a trip like this because it would feel once in a lifetime, but now I’m not sad because I know we can come back”. He said every year since, except covid, they’ve done a similar trip. All from just basic planning and being a team! Collapsed In Laughter AllHat is practically in fits over his adorable naivety and is heavily reminded of all the travel hackers who insist anyone can travel anywhere they want, if they just learn to take advantage of deals!!! We end with Nicole genuinely thanking Ramit for changing her mind on money. I feel like she got a lot out of this! IDK if it will be enough though, Alex seems like a tough cookie.
Ramit’s talking to us again. He loved this episode because of the transformation. He is talking AGAIN about how tempting it would be for other people not for him you guys, but for other people to lecture her about spreadsheets and compound interest. But charts don’t change lives! He had to meet her where she was. Rich life. Europe. Bailey The Imaginary Dog. He says he also appreciates them sharing things other people don’t think about with expenses, that LGBTQ people have expenses that straight people don’t have! He also wants to thank Probably Pretty Uncomfortable By Now Co-Worker Sydney, again, for flagging that. Because again, money is political, and WE WILL continue to hear about that on this show. Wealth triggers is his money psychology course, and now we’re hearing about that and how we should buy it. And end scene.
Done!
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omg ok then
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Oh thank god I was waiting for this!!!
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I have been punked lol
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Haha, sorry @noodle and @LadyDuck that was just a temporary bonus funny placeholder 
real notes up and going now.
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I haven’t told you I love you enough lately.
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You have me some serious delight with that place holder. Pumpkin looked at me weird for laughing.
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You haven’t even named the couple yet and I want popcorn.
Okay, finished reading now, I thinki had three different instances of “Oh Ramit, you sweet summer child.” AllHat I trust your parenting advice over his. Signed, coparent and lone CFO.
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