Perfection as always! I took a drink every time you said YOLO and now I’m blackout drunk. 10/10
My hot take: Alex is a total bummer, and I am team Nicole, even if she is less responsible and Alex is more “right.” Being condescending to your partner, especially in front of other people is like, the most unforgivable sin to me.
Selfishly, I wish the couple had gotten into examples of why exactly it’s more expensive to make a baby for us! I’m sure there are lesbian couples who have needed to use a surrogate, but the odds are on our side on that one. There is so much that’s baked in that we have to pay for: E.g. plenty of US insurance plans - even in blue states - will cover IVF for straight couples, but not same sex couples. Doctors start with the assumption that you are infertile and make you pay for testing accordingly, in a way that straight couples only have to do if they haven’t conceived at home after trying for awhile. Etc etc. Maybe poor Sydney can add it in post (jk she has done enough)
Also I didn’t know IVF was ever covered for anyone! Changed my wording accordingly, thanks for pointing it out. The straight people I’ve known (look at me, bragging about having straight friends too, I really am sophisticated) who’ve gotten it have all been totally OOP so I assumed that was across the board. Also the additional fertility testing thing when that is obviously not be the issue is…fucked.
Bahahahahaa, dude, seriously. Pour one out for Sydney.
It’s a total mess! I think it’s changed in the last few (ish) years where more people have insurance access to IVF now. I know NY now has an IVF coverage mandate laws, and they do make insurers cover it for everyone. So good things happening
That’s good, hopefully the progress will keep chugging along (although at an infuriatingly slow pace, I’m sure, lol). I feel like so much of insurance coverage is set up around what is “necessary” versus “optional” or “cosmetic” or whatever, but their definitions are always really weird and arbitrary.
Stupid examples, triggering medical stuff warning
Like, full mastectomy from breast cancer? Reconstruction is covered. Full mastectomy for preventative breast cancer issues because you have the gene for it? Sometimes covered sometimes not covered. Breast augmentation/removal for gender affirmation? Sometimes covered sometimes not covered. Breast deformity from a genetic defect or congenital issue? Reconstruction not covered. Like…what?! It’s so stupid.
I wish we could just get rid of insurance companies all together, I mean I have no alternate idea instead…I just hates them, lol. I had one company claim the additional anesthesia I required while getting surgery shouldn’t be covered because they didn’t think I would need as much as I did, so it was technically “optional”. Had to get lawyers involved and the anesthesiologist to write something on my behalf, to get them to pay for it because it was hundreds of thousands of dollars. They did pay for it eventually but like, wtf.
I think I’ve nightmares about that specific scenario?! Absolutely something out of a horror movie and am glad it was eventually resolved, but awful you had to deal with it.
Hahaha, I am honored. From one lone CFO to another…what do you think is his deal with that? Like, why does he grasp the idea of dividing other tasks but not that one? It’s v strange. I mean, having one half of a couple who is so in the dark it’s dangerous or there’s some weird power dynamic going on, yeah obviously bad. But if it’s transparent and everything and one person is just more into handling that stuff…I can’t see the issue?
And my parenting advice is all informed by cats. So my advice is if your kid isn’t being good maybe spray them with a water bottle or snap your fingers. If your kid is being good give him a nice scratch behind the ears, and maybe some freeze dried chicken. I should write a book.
Here’s a q: is it …actually that much of a bombshell that she waited until they were engaged to put a number on her student debt? She says she brought it up within weeks of being engaged. Obviously every couple is different etc etc, but I think it’s actually sort of normal to use the engagement period to talk about Serious Life Entanglement things like that?
I don’t really know, now that you ask? I guess to me it seemed weird but that might be because my husband and I lived together for so long before getting engaged, and then were only engaged for like 6 months? So with that timeline it would obviously be pretty weird. I guess I’d think discussing finances would come up right before moving in together? That’s when we started discussing it, but we moved in together after 2 weeks so it was really soon, lol. Now that I’m saying all this they are probably the more normal ones!
Right, it struck me as interesting because there all these milestones (engagement, marriage, moving in together, joining finances) that don’t necessarily happen in sequence and different people interpret them differently!
I could imagine someone easily mentioning “oh yeah I have some student debt” but then not getting into concrete numbers until they actually got ready to combine finances.
I don’t think I found out how much debt my partner had until we were getting ready to buy a house together! (Separate finances otherwise, unmarried.) They had told me a vague ballpark but not specifics.
There was no follow-up email from this couple. I think you are right @AllHat about the resentment and condescension Alex had towards Nicole, it doesn’t bode well for this couple over the long haul. I don’t think they should get married.
I also wondered about not discussing the student loans until after they were engaged. Was Nicole intentionally hiding it, or does Nicole simply tend to be more “out of sight, out of mind” when it comes to money? I wonder what the dynamic was when they were dating, if it really was different and more equal, or if Alex always felt a little superior. It seems they both have roles in this dynamic and both play them very well, so I kind of expect it existed before they got engaged too.
plz stop this advice Ramit. I send you another book.
Shit keeps getting more expensive!