I Will Teach You to Be Rich: Podcast Gossip and Discussion

Meowmalade · April 6, 2022, 8:13pm

Comedian AllHat has got the skillz!!!

MonkeyJenga · April 6, 2022, 9:18pm

This is what I have been waiting for ever since television without pity shut down. You should start a podcast without pity site.

AllHat · April 6, 2022, 10:06pm

I have thought of doing a podcast before because I could do several episodes in advance and do it on my own schedule. I have a pretty nice speaking voice too, just need a topic…haha that’s probably kind of important.

ETA: Just looked up television without pity, haha, how did I not know about this?! I now understand what you were saying, not to start a podcast but just to write recaps of podcasts, lol. Durrrr

LadyDuck · April 6, 2022, 10:39pm

Mate, I am giggling along and I am dealing with sleep deprivation and depression. You are doing a great thing here.

LadyDuck · April 6, 2022, 10:49pm

This one got me

RamonaQ · April 7, 2022, 12:31pm

Exactly! I used to read TWOP recaps for shows I didn’t even watch because they cracked me up so much and that’s what @AllHat ’s hilarious recaps remind me of.

ginja_ninja · April 13, 2022, 2:15pm

I know we are all waiting for AllHats live stream of the episode but I actually really liked this week’s. What I liked most about it was the fact that Ramit got them to focus on things they can control to improve their lives instead of the things that they can’t. In this situation the thing that they cannot control (alimony payments) is something he focused on very little, and you could tell it was their big emotionally charged issue coming into the discussion.

I liked the communication between the couples too, it seemed like there was a lot of love and respect for each other. Also, I think we do not see many stories where couples keep finances separate (I get second marriages are naturally more inclined to do this) it is just interesting for me to see how others manage their money (we are a combined income family and it works super well for us).

AllHat · April 13, 2022, 7:00pm

Hold onto your buttholes! Gradually Losing Her Grip on Reality AllHat is back and ready to sink her teeth into some high income snarkbait.

Episode 38 Live React

We’ve got two live litigators here so there should be some good arguments, I hope, otherwise IDK how they make a combined $200k. The couples names are John (age 61) and Rebecca (age 44), do we always know their ages? Now we do bc age gaps are hot I guess.

John has to pay $70k a year in support to his ex wife and the life insurance he’s “legally obligated to maintain for her” (unless she marries someone else apparently) PLUS an extra $600 a month for his current wife to have life insurance coverage on him. John’s salary is highly variable which makes it hard to save, says Ramit. Ramit asks if we can imagine having to pay that much to an ex forever, I cannot bc I’ve never made that much and all of my ex wives are imaginary. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Ramit is talking about how having to pay out so much can impact how you feel about money. IMAGINE IT. I don’t wanna, Ramit, and you can’t make me.

What prompted them to reach out to Ramit? We gonna find out.

John’s breaking down the amounts he pays the ex. Ok so $54k is maintenance which he says he has to pay until he retires and then he can stop. He also has to secure it tho, so I think that’s what the life insurance is. He has no child support obligation because the kids are all grown. But because his marriage was so long, and his ex-wife was out of the workforce raising their kids, he owes her for forever.

Ramit wants more info bc he’s never heard of this. Ramit’s asking if he’s at peace with this scenario, resentful? John instantly says he’s resentful. John explains he can be relieved of this burden in these scenarios:

Retirement.
If the ex remarries or “enters into some sort of cohabitation relationship” and yes that is the way he said it. This guy is maybe not a people person.

He says the likelihood of the latter is very low because the ex is motivated to keep the cash coming in. That kind of makes her sound terrible but I would love to hear her side, like is she able to support herself if she had to, or no? Also is he really saying that if she fell madly in love with someone, who could presumably also have a salary, that she would not move in with them ever specifically to continue to get the $54k a year?

Rebecca’s talking now, she says they bought new windows and furniture for their condo, which she says she thought was reasonable. HGTV Enthusiast AllHat agrees these seem like reasonable things but is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ok, she says “BUT, in a weak and fearful moment” Rebecca was panicked about additional resources to help them retire. I’m looking for the thread here people, bear with me. She says they’re both partners in the law firm but it wasn’t a good year, he’s an equity partner and I guess she’s whatever the other kind is, she needs more resources to help them. He doesn’t know what he’ll make for the year until the end of the year, and this last year he made $85k less than the year prior. Ok, we found the thread. So she says this was DEVASTATING because they’d been spending as if he’d make the same amount as he had the year before.

Let’s recap. These two lawyers KNOW that one of them has highly variable income. They know this. Yet they assumed his income would be identical this last year as it was in the previous year, and spent accordingly. Lawyer With an Empty Briefcase AllHat submits to the jury that the issue here is maybe not the salary but the financial planning ability of these two silly heads.

This put them IN A BIND. John thought there was a mistake! He expected $100k and instead it was $32k. Which, btw, is just HIS BONUS on top of his six figure salary. He says was in shock, you know, like someone who survives a near death experience. Rebecca said she had it “all planned out”. Professional Planner AllHat disagrees and wonders if the defendant (I guess I’m still a lawyer too, just go with it) even knows what the word “plan” means.

Moar facts-- They keep most money separate but split vacations, household expenses, and entertainment. Rebecca had advanced her half of that and then John was going to reimburse her when he got his bonuses and stuff at the end of the year. Ah-ha. This must be THE CRUX. Ramit love’s a crux, y’all. But since there was no year end distribution to speak of (um, lol, must be nice) he couldn’t even contribute to retirement…much less pay her back.

John says they’ve had cashflow issues before too, and usually John pays her back. Ramit points out the matter of fact, transactional tone they use about their financial relationship. Ramit says this is typical of second marriages. Ramit doesn’t mind it. Whew! Everyone can breath a sigh of relief on that one! Hear that second marrieds? You can do whatever you want with your own money and relationship! Ramit correctly tells us that it sounds like their problem is not planning as if John has a variable salary even though he has a variable salary. Yes. The jury nods in unison.

Ramit asks: What do you think the main problem is?

Rebecca instantly says, “generally I think the problem is his ex-wife is a greedy you know what”. DAMN. “But he’s also underpaid.” Sweet peaches and cream! Who ARE these people?! Psychic AllHat suspects both parties are afflicted with severe victimitus. Perhaps they also suffer from Noboatopecia, a state of intense suffering characterized by not being able to afford a yacht. I just hope these two warriors can pull through. Thoughts and prayers, please.

But really, she says, eliminating some of the resentment is the real problem. Rebecca tells us, in a shocking revelation, that she is even a bit resentful! The jury gasps in surprise. “She hides it so well,” whispers no one.

Rebecca says, “WE are the ones who are working hard, she’s just sitting home collecting a check.” She continues to explain that THEY are the ones taking on RISK and making SACRIFICES. Probably they should get the purple heart or something. FOR GOD AND COUNTRY! Obviously the woman who raised all of this man’s children knows NOTHING about sacrifice or hard work. What a slob! Also it’s a bit funny that they are totally happy to make a living off the very same law that they are so resentful towards. Ousted by their own leotard! Is that the phrase?

Rebecca wants “ground rules”. It’s not manageable to continue this way forever. She says, “there needs to be a retirement from the practice of law” the way these two speak…lol. I love it, it’s like two chatbots talking at each other. SmarterChild AllHat wonders if anyone will even understand this reference.

Ramit asks, when specifically is it stressful? Psychic AllHat predicts almost everything is stressful for these two. Rebecca sighs heavily, “well the careers themselves are stressful”. “Quelle surprise”, says Sardonic Polygot AllHat. In case we’ve forgotten since the last ten thousand times she mentioned it, they are LITIGATORS. It’s adversarial. He’s managing the firm and his caseload. They are stressed after work. “Where’s the financial reward?” she wonders, with their $200k combined salary. Ramit interjects, “so yeah what do you get?”

We’re back to John. Is that even his name? IDK anymore. Man Litigator says some years he does well financially, and chuckles. Sometimes he makes like $300k. He says he likes his work. Enjoys steering the ship. He’d like a less stressful existence. Ramit says this is surprising. Ramit’s like, well you’re in a stressful industry in a stressful role, would you ever take a lateral or other step that’s less stressful? John says “nothing is off the table,” which is disgusting because you shouldn’t put dirty shoes on the table. Sigh, it’s a rough day y’all, just pretend it’s funny.

Rebecca says she gets stability and security, and mentions that even the low years are “enough to pay the bills”. This. Lady. Hahaha, the gall! I’m just glad this poor thing is managing to feed herself. I hope she can darn her socks in time for the first frost. Maybe a kind soul will help her purchase a pair of boots for winter, which I assume she spends hunting small animals in the woods for survival. “Nobody knows the trouble I seen,” belts Karaoke Regular Who is a Little Too Much AllHat.

Rebecca says “sometimes” it’s the lifestyle she wants (I assume when he’s making $300k a year instead of a paltry $100k), but she is quick to mention that she helps fund that. GIVE HER CREDIT. She says she, for the most part, gets to live her rich life and that’s a side effect of, “the careers we’ve invested in and the income we generally get.” I cannot get over her language usage. What is dirty talk like for them, do you think? “I believe my g-spot will be adequately accommodated should you continue to do the repetitive motion which you are currently engaged in.” Wetter Than a Slip And Slide AllHat is totally not weirded out, and neither are you. Neither. Are. You.

She says their income is “not fruitful in terms of retirement in the future,” but that the day-to-day is pretty good. That sounds like rich people talk for “I spend too much money to save” but whatever. Personal Finance Enthusiast AllHat vaguely remember reading The Millionaire Next Door and recalls that attorneys are some of the worst accumulators of wealth out there, for their income bracket. Is that correct? I might be remembering it wrong.

Ramit wants us to ask “what do I get?” Ramit doesn’t think people ask this enough. I’m a taker, so I do. OMG he’s on Target again. Hahahah. This guy. Did a Target break up with him right before the prom? I swear to god something terrible happened to Ramit Sethi in a Target and bro is not over it. Someone please do a wellness check, I’m concerned. And for the love of god don’t wear khaki pants and a red shirt when you go over there. He’ll lose his ever-loving shit. Ramit says if after working hard all you get is to go shopping at Target for some WORTHLESS KNICK NACKS…that is a haunting answer. Ohhh, I get it, Ramit is being haunted by a Target. Now it’s all less absurd. He says entrepreneurs should especially ask WHAT DO I GET? Exhausted By This Monologue AllHat is zoning out a bit. WHAT DO YOU GET??? Ramit gets to work from home, with people he likes, he gets to travel, have fun at work, I think he’s just bragging now? He gets to eat whatever he wants. I have no idea how that relates to his job. I ALSO GET TO EAT WHATEVER I WANT AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE A JOB. Checkmate, Ramit.

Ramit asks if this stress is all about the retirement. Rebecca says yes because they have no plan, they’re just “hoping for the best and surviving day-to-day.” Ramit is picking up on safety and security being important to Rebecca, she agrees. John says he doesn’t care to the same degree that Rebecca does, because John had a plan to work until he drops and keep paying for life insurance. He says it’s not a happy plan but it’s been a plan. He says until Covid, when his day-to-day changed, he couldn’t even picture being retired. Now he has friends who are retired. And it’s getting more stressful. John says at his firm the two old as fuck founders are still active in the business but they don’t grind, they generate. 8th Grader AllHat laughs, grinding, teehee. Basically John is jealous the founders spend 80% of their time at their vacation homes.

Rebecca says it’s common to work until their 80s in law. She says unlike in other industries where they apparently create a big fluffy retirement package for you and then ask you to retire at 65, the poor defenseless lawyers among us have no such benefits. Beleaguered and beaten, these poor folk of law must collect their hay pennies from the corners of their shanty towns, and if not trade in kind, cobbling together what little skills they have in an effort to feed themselves, and stave off the cold. Whenever you toss out your scraps of food, you asshole with a giant salary and a retirement plan that was handed to you and a totally stress free job, think of them. The weakest among us. The attorneys.

Ramit says, “man the legal industry is so weird.” I do not think that is the weird thing in this conversation. If Rebecca could go back and do it over differently, she would. Ramit says it sounds like retirement is unclear, but what else do they spend money on? John says he doesn’t spend a lot because he doesn’t have a lot. He’d like to spend more on hobbies, vacations, but vacations feel like a long shot…seems impossible. He says he’d mostly like to be able to sleep at night. He can’t sleep because of the financial strain he’s under.

Hold. The. Phone. I am completely wrong about their salaries. Ramit just said Rebecca’s income last year was $190k. She has $18k saved and $549k in retirements. John’s salary was $225k! He has less saved, $120k in retirement, and lots of debt, including a $65k personal loan from a friend. Ramit says we need to remember that personal loan bit bc it comes up later. Teacher’s Pet AllHat is writing notes on the field trip like a total narc.

(I’m sorry audience, IDK how I misheard this so badly? When it comes to my reporting services I guess you get what you pay for. Ok let’s keep going.)

Ramit wants to know how they feel about their numbers. Rebecca doesn’t feel like they’re overspending but the savings could be more (isn’t this nonsensical? so she just thinks they should make more, then?). She says she is maxing out her 401(k) and saving an extra 10% into a vacation/house fund. She feels like she’s doing “ok”. Says she hates to think of the worst case scenario, lol, but that’s where the life insurance comes in. Human Being With Functioning Ears Disagrees. Methinks she loves thinking about the worst case scenairo. She says after taxes and expenses she only has $4,000 a month for discretionary spending. Poor thing.

Ramit mentions they talk about life insurance A LOT. Bobblehead AllHat is nodding so hard her neck hurts. John says he feels “horrible” about his numbers. Gosh these two seem fun. He says sometimes he looks at his 401(k) and his projections always look bad. He’s worked for 34 years, and due to his own choices he doesn’t have a lot of assets to show for it.

Ramit says putting his exes payments aside, he’s made a lot of money over the years (ok, Ramit actually said “pretty good money” but I just can’t, y’all). Ramit asks where it has all gone. YES, I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO KNOW THIS. John says, uh well. He lost a lot in trying to maintain a household he wasn’t living in when he was going through the divorce. That put him in a huge hole. Saving for his kid’s college. It is all his dumb ex-wife and kids’ fault! LIFE INSURANCE too, so expensive. He is not a big spender. He says it shouldn’t be a difficult question but it is because he knows what he doesn’t do each month, and he def doesn’t spend money. If I were an insane rich person I would pay his ex wife any amount of money she wanted to just, listen to her listening to this podcast. I’d get her any wine and snacks she wants and girlfriend could just dish and go OFF.

Ramit asks if his resentment affects his behavior with money. John says of course. He AGAIN talks about the life insurance and ex-wife payments. He also says he “pays Rebecca” in reference to their shared expenses, which it sounds like she fronts, lol. What a prize! Honestly, I’m ready to divorce this guy. I would literally have an affair with him, break up his marriage, and marry him, just to divorce him.

Ohhh, Rebecca picked that up! She’s like, well when he says he ‘pays me’ that’s for our life we both enjoy. It’s for OUR house we both like, OUR lifestyle, the things WE do together. he is spending on himself, it’s just coming in the form of a check to me because I manage the money. This is truly hilarious. This woman can’t see that this guy is just a selfish a-hole by how resentful he is about his ex-wife, you know, the mother of his children. BUT, she picks up right away that he also kind of sees her as taking his money even when he is literally reimbursing her. Chef’s kiss. She’s still going, “we JOINTLY decide to go on trips, etc.” John said he didn’t intend to make it sound like these were all obligations. Ramit get’s it.

Ramit asks how much time they spend looking backward at the ex-wife payments versus how much they spend looking at their current rich life. John says he spends FAR more time appreciating what he has than looking back. BAAAHAHAHAHAHAH! I’m doing a Liz Lemon level eyeball right now. Clearly this guy is filled with gratitude. Obviously. Duh. He really is! Ok?! He is. He completely understands and appreciates his place in the world. Ramit says he’s pleasantly surprised to hear that. Here’s a clue friends, if people actively ask you if you are grateful for your life, it’s because you seem super fucking ungrateful, lol.

Rebecca says it feels like the resentment is so much stronger. Ramit asks why her resentment is stronger than John’s. That’s not what I thought she meant but whatever. Hungry AllHat is growing impatient. She says, “it’s a function of age” so I guess he’s so old and wise that’s why he’s clearly such a generous and kind and gracious soul. She says she tends to focus on what’s not going right, and has always been like that. DING-DING! WE HAVE A WINNER! She says he prioritizes her day-to-day, he chose to marry her even though it meant, “complete financial destruction” for him, she is getting choked up at her own hyperbole.

Ramit asks what he spent his money on in the years he made a lot. John’s breaking it down: $25k to retirement, $11k to pay partners for their shares, $9k to repay Rebecca, paid down bills, and socked some away, just a little, to make sure he could pay life insurance!!! He can’t tell what else he did with it! Probably gave it to orphans and puppies. Ramit says this is a big clue. I agree if a clue is something that beats you over the head in its blatantness. Ramit thinks the problem is they aren’t following the plan from his book closely. I think the problem is…a little deeper than that. Ramit asks him what the difference is in years he makes $235k versus $305k, he says retirement contribution is the big one. It’s hard to say what he cuts back on! Because he doesn’t spend very much!

Rebecca says she has had the same question for the last 10 years. Where does the money go?! If only these two attorneys knew how to do research, lol. She says when she asks him it sounds accusatory AND Ooo, Dish It Girlfriend AllHat leans in, she says there has been dishonesty about his debt in the past. Giiiiiiiirl. She says they’ve worked through it, and she doesn’t think he’s spending money, but they’ll both have to “cut back” on what? No one seems to know. They might have to take a different type of vacation. She likes luxury travel. Ramit is instantly hard. He needs to know more. IDK why I’m making so many gross sex jokes in this one, sorry. Maybe I’m ovulating! Even I’m grossed out now.

She’s naming hotels now. Some are $2,100 a night. Worth every penny. But they don’t spend a lot guys! They are just surviving, day-to-day, like dust bowl era farmers. Now we’re just talking about spending on vacations and restaurants. John interjects he has medical expenses, significant ones, like $5k a year. LMAO. Someone needs to teach this guy ratios. He says he also paid down a lot of debt, cleaned the slate, really, he says, he has. He’s proud he did that. It’s hard for him to explain how badly he “stepped in a pile” he says 10 years ago he had issues with credit cards, the government, etc. He says he feels fantastic when he can put more towards retirement. She loved when he did that, she says, “I thought, maybe things aren’t so bleak…this is the light at the end of the tunnel.” Does she have a Lifetime movie yet? This past year was a HUGE SETBACK. John says it was a “gut punch”. Ramit suggests that planning for his lowest possible amount, and budgeting the bonus as, you know, a bonus, might help. They are in stunned silence, I think.

Ramit says a lot’s going on here. He says everything needs work with these two. Know-It-All AllHat agrees, completely. Unfortunately Ramit still takes people at their word and believes they actually celebrate successes and enjoy their daily life. I…do not get that sense from these two. Ramit’s talking about thinking on an annual basis, zooming out and zooming in. He wants us to zoom out. Instead I am zoning out. He’s talking about how a variable income works, some years it is more, some years it is less. He literally just said, “that’s how math works!” hahahaha. I love it. Ramit still doesn’t know where he’s spending his money, neither does anyone! I am chomping at the bit. Let’s get into these numbers.

Ramit is in his element. He’s like, you still had $14k left after you paid everything, are you surprised by that number? Rebecca says that doesn’t include food and stuff, his share of things. She says that’s like $2k a month. Ramit says that takes you into the red. “SEE?!” says John, and then he laughs, he’s so happy. You can hear he’s smiling for the first time in this conversation. We finally see how downtrodden he is! AND HE IS THRILLEd. Ramit also points out he didn’t factor in that fancy 5-star vacation. Right! Says John, gleefully for some reason. Ramit is getting into their budget, she says she “estimated” it. So like, that’s always a good thing, right? Random guessing? Ramit says, “this is a high estimate, $4k a month, what is it?” She says sometimes it’s a random expense, like the $900 dyson air purefier they just got, which makes sense because most struggling poor people have those. Ramit points out that Rebecca has sinking funds for expenses but John doesn’t. Good point, Ramit. She says their trips are like $15k each. As a guess. Who knows really. Ramit says they are probably 10%-15% off. John concludes he can either cut things or make more money. Ramit agrees, those are the options. Rebecca wants John to pay himself first, and she can sacrifice elsewhere. She’s willing to cut out life insurance but says the reason it’s important to her is because if he’s doing that for his ex but not for her, there could be even more resentment! Like, what is even the difference at this point? Her resentment cup overfloweth. All the other cups are coated in dust, forgotten in the cupboard. She says she “comes second”, I think she means financially.

He’s talking about the cost of his universal life insurance again, which is $1300 a month. Ramit’s slamming universal life insurance, which, WTF seriously! My husband has term life insurance worth a lot, like 1.5 million because I’m unable to work so we needed enough for me to live on forever. We pay like $80 a month??? Ramit is talking about how term life insurance is better. Know It All AllHat has her chest out right now. WOAH, haha, Ramit goes, “If you sell universal life insurance and your pissed off, I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL.” I wonder what Ramit did…to end up in hell. PERHAPS IT IS HE WHO WRONGED THE TARGET ALL ALONG.

Ramit is talking about how unfair it is that they are getting ripped off. The two attorneys. He’s telling them to look up the price of term. He says Rebecca graciously offered to go without life insurance. We all need a dictionary, I think. But Ramit says there is a better approach to providing, like IRAs, 401(k)s, etc. and that all that money could go to Rebecca. She is already the beneficiary. John says he was looking for term insurance because he used to have that! He was told it wasn’t available because of his health issues. Skeptic Because These Two Are Unreliable Narrators AllHat wonders if this is strictly true.

Guy says, “yep” to Ramit’s suggestion of shopping around for insurance. Ramit points out he still sees $11k left after alllll these expenses, where is that going? The guy says he does spend some money on himself. Not much, just for a haircut occasionally, some clothes, about $1k a month. That’s it, practically nothing! Can you imagine if these two had to live like normal people? They’d tear each other apart in the first week. Rebecca said it’s clearly doable for John to prioritize his 401(k). She sounds really sure. I kind of wonder if she DOES think he’s being dishonest. Because she is able to save more than him and she makes less. I think she has doubts about where his money is going.

We’re talking about vacations again. Budgeting for that. Ramit asks John if he actually knows what he can afford when Rebecca asks about a fancy vacation (she does the research and is more into the fancy hotels). John says, with total certainty, “oh I KNOW if it’s possible, I also know it’s going to be cutting things very very close.” What’s that old chestnut? You can’t teach a dog who is positive he knows everything new tricks? Something like that.

I think Ramit is about to explain how he and his wife split the costs of vacations, with him paying more since he likes more luxury than his wife. Just guessing. Yep. He’s going into it again. He repeats himself a lot! I feel like he’s explained this like 5 times across different episodes. Maybe verbal repetition is part of his stuff? Like maybe remembering what he’s already expressed in a conversation is hard for him? IDK. I’m tuning out until there is something new.

Rebecca thinks it’s a great plan. John says he’s not so sure, “call me old school” he says. She feels like it’s still a good idea, she doesn’t want to saddle him with these vacation expenses at the expense of his retirement. Ramit wants John to be able to sleep better tonight. If we go on the current pattern established in this conversation, the poor guy probably only gets a sold 9 hours a night, AND NOTHING MORE! Ramit is explaining how the reason their finances are stressful is because he’s constantly back paying things and not planning ahead. Ramit says you can extrapolate this vacation splitting method to anything.

Realist AllHat doesn’t think any of this will change their dynamic since they are both quite obviously mindless spenders. She also wonders, aloud, why on earth he hasn’t recommended an assessment period? Like for 3 months only use credit cards, no cash, and then literally go back through and categorize all of your spending? You know, like us plebs do all the time? I mean, I don’t even have a butler or a maid, like I assume everyone else in the world does, and I do these assessments! With mine own two hands! My callouses growing thick from the repeated trauma of typing on my MacBook Pro, eyes weary as I squint through my Michael Kors glasses, just like my grandparents who came to this country with nothing.

Ramit’s talking other retirement options. How good it could feel to save. “Sure, yep,” says John with the excitement level of an almost dead snail. Rebecca says she’s feeling a lot more hopeful, she sees a HUGE CHANGE in John. She says this is more open than he usually is about money. Ramit says this is awesome. He is really impressed they’ve talked about so much. I’m impressed I’m still alive.

Ramit is talking to us with swelling music. He’s mentioning how by the end, they were hardly even talking about the $70k to the ex-wife. Sometimes, the thing that consumes you is not actually the real problem. I think we can all agree with that, Ramit. Ramit thinks John accepted the parts he can’t change, LOL, and he’s inspired by that. IDK where he’s getting that from because these two were super resentful. Ramit rightly points out that you can’t expect a huge bonus every single year. Ramit says sometimes we’re so PARALYZED by uncertainty, that we do nothing and create no plan. But once John plans around his lowest possible salary instead of doing no planning at all, he will be free.

Ramit says the larger issue is having a North Star. Are we being converted to christianity? That would be kind of a fun twist at this point. Nope, rich life. We must have a vision.

We are done. There is a blip of a follow-up. It sounds like it was written by robots but they say they are going to start thinking of a bonus as…a bonus.

Rhubarbsoda · April 13, 2022, 7:04pm

This is a near immediate like just for knowing that this will be waiting for me when I get out the world’s most interminable meeting.

diapasoun · April 13, 2022, 7:43pm

Couldn’t contribute to retirement because he only got a $32k bonus.

Dying.

JRA64 · April 13, 2022, 8:09pm

And…
I don’t think these two make $200K combined (ETA I think this was kind of vague at the beginning of the episode). I think his BASE is $285K (because that number kept getting thrown around at the end, that he needs to plan on only getting his base salary of $285K) and she makes $190K. But then I didn’t follow the math either of where all his money was going. I just heard that after $150K people just can’t keep track of it anymore and I guess I couldn’t either.

I personally cannot conceive of what a $2100 per night hotel would be like.

JRA64 · April 13, 2022, 8:28pm

Summary

Follow-up - I’ll leave this here for a day or two.
The other follow-ups tell you who wrote what. This one doesn’t - it just jumps right in. And seems to be written in lawyer-speak memo format where they talk about themselves in third person?

The Followup

The data suggests that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
The percentage fees Rebecca pays over time to manage investments are staggering, over $400k if Rebecca retires at age 60. Alternatively, investing in index funds that Rebecca self-manages is free, easy and low-maintenance.
We are too “reactive” re: money and we have no plan. Also there’s too much left up to chance re: John’s year-end. Having a plan based on John’s worst-case scenario year will alleviate anxiety re: waiting for year-end info. Any extra money will be icing on the cake.
If Rebecca changed nothing (made same salary, contributed only $20k/year to retirement account), based on current balance Rebecca will have $3.3M at 65, over $2M at 60.
Oftentimes, money is not logical and is counterintuitive.
It’s important to celebrate when good things happen.
There may be better ways than life insurance for John to be providing for Rebecca, such as contributing more $ to the 401(k) and then leaving that to Rebecca. Perhaps wait to cancel or reduce policy until 401(k) is more built-up?

REBECCA’S PLAN:
EDUCATION RE: INVESTMENTS. Investigate RBC fee structure, possibly move funds to s&p index fund to self-manage.
LOOK AT HOUSEHOLD BUDGET; IDENTIFY AREAS TO SCALE BACK ASSUMING A DOWN YEAR AND SET SOME BASIC “RULES.” EXAMPLES:
-Eating out on Friday nights; 1x/week only
-Have a rule that we can splurge for celebrations (Valentine’s Day, anniversary, birthdays) but otherwise scale back
-Re: household repairs, purchases or work for the condo over $500 – if cash isn’t on-hand, don’t spend it.

Rebecca has already created spreadsheets for fixed household expenses, and a budget for variable and discretionary expenses
NEW TRAVEL PLAN. Mexico-Rebecca to pay for hotel costs (budget: $4,800); R&J to split extras/expenses. Future vacations: if top hotel is only important to Rebecca, Rebecca pays overage.
2021 TAXES. After we receive John’s K-1, send stuff to accountant and if there’s a refund, pay down 0% interest card with the $5,521.66 balance. Any extra can go in condo/vacation fund.
REBECCA PERSONAL SPENDING. Based on the household expense budget and Rebecca’s personal fixed expenses (disability insurance, personal articles insurance, etc.) and savings goals, Rebecca identified a max personal spending monthly limit which includes personal travel.

JOHN’S PLAN:
Refinance student loan for son, ideally reduce payment from $500/mo to ~$250/mo. Look into Biden’s forgiveness options?
Prepare spreadsheet with Scenarios A (Good), B (Better), and C (Best) with income and fixed expenses.
Make budget for discretionary expenses based on Scenario A, and make savings/spendings plan for any extra cash in Scenarios B and C.
Revisit life insurance plan options; consider reducing benefits for Rebecca from $1.5M to $500k if possible/if that results in significant cost savings.
Make a plan to “pay himself first” re: 401(k) contributions. And even if not the full $25k, something is better than nothing.

OK, me again - this follow-up blew my mind.
This is so… unemotional? I mean, it is emotional, but there were no Aha! moments from what I read in the email. Just impartial facts kind of thing? It felt very weird to read, like I’d stumbled on someone’s abbreviated to do list instead of a note to another person.

It’s a NoGo to cancel the life insurance policy for Rebecca’s benefit until the 401k balance is bigger. Huh? One way to make it bigger is to put money that would otherwise go to life insurance into it. I think she has some real jealousy issues - it really galls her that the ex stands to get $2MM if he dies while she gets nothing, it seems. She has him, so this just does not compute for me.

I don’t understand life insurance. It’s pretty definite that this guy is going to die at some point. So, any company that is going to insure him I would think is going to collect $2MM in premiums by the time he reaches his expected “sell by” date, so doesn’t life insurance become unaffordable at some point? I don’t understand how the court can require this indefinitely, I would think he would age out of this requirement at some point.

Rebecca’s retirement amounts: $3.3M at 65, over $2M at 60. I have a hunch that she is going to have a hard time living on 4% SWR.

I was also kind of floored that John has a student loan for his son.

I just feel confused.

AllHat · April 13, 2022, 9:44pm

You are totally correct!

AllHat · April 13, 2022, 9:47pm

WHAAAT? Also, we never did hear about that loan from his friend again, did we?

Yeah I don’t get it either. BUT, we have to consider how they use language. They describe themselves as surviving and scraping by day-to-day while they are objectively fabulously rich. So maybe “I have to pay this forever” is like, not entirely accurate. I wonder if he was given several options and picked this one because he thought he’d pay his ex the least this way, and turned out to be wrong, or something.

LadyDuck · April 13, 2022, 10:49pm

I thought $100k each sounded low but I accepted it because Reliable Narrator Allhat is more reliable than these two. I can’t imagine the horror of only spending $2000 per night on a hotel! Goodness!

Oh no wait I can.

Glad to see people can be so thoroughly entrenched in the victim mindset no matter their income. Equality for all truly is not so far out of our reach as I thought.

iualia · April 14, 2022, 12:42am

I feel so sad for this guy. His plan was to work til he’s dead??? Hello??? I was surprised Ramit didn’t take the bait and start talking about rich life. Wanting to die in the office seems more of a problem than Target tchochkes but what do I know.

Loved the Guild Magician AllHat snark as usual.

Once again it’s ironic how being rich means you can get away with being bad (unsophisticated, even) with money!

Is having a kid’s student loan in his name all that egregious compared to everything else? I mean it seems pretty equivalent to paying for a kid’s college in general.

AllHat · April 14, 2022, 1:13am

I’m flattered by the power you’ve bestowed me with.

HAH! Totally. That’s a good catch! He would have slammed unsophisticated lower earners for their same choices, fo sho.

Def not, I was just shocked because I’d think someone who makes that much money could just like, pay for college sans loans?

LadyDuck · April 14, 2022, 1:21am

I guess it depends on the college?

But just, like. Woah. Dude. You are making bucketloads each. Surely there’s shit he’s spending on that he isn’t telling about? Or maybe he really is so entrenched in, well, you have to have XYZ and only the peers who have more than you are worth comparing, and look, he doesn’t have what they have so he’s such a victim and can’t get ahead.

Is the woman on her second marriage too? No kids?

AllHat · April 14, 2022, 1:37am

I don’t know if it was a second marriage for her too! I feel like they might have said it was? But I’m not certain. She has no kids though. And you’re right, some colleges are really expensive! And maybe his son is still really young so it hasn’t been too long? I guess in my head I was thinking he was long out of school but they didn’t say that I just made it up, lol.

My guess on their spending, which is totally a guess based on vibes alone, is that they spend a lot more than they have to on a lot of things that sound basic to rich people but aren’t. So like, they just have a condo, but is the condo $5k a month? They just replaced some old windows, but even Ramit mentioned quickly that they actually had french doors installed too. Food costs money too, she said that was like $1k a month for two people, which means it’s probably like $1,500-$2,000 IRL. And yeah it’s organic grocery stores only, but health is important, and lots of pre-made things because no time, prime cuts of meat and seafood for sustainability, all delivered to the door for convenience, and half takeout for in a pinch (because takeout doesn’t count as going to a restaurant, that’s only once a week). Household maintenance is important, but just basics for upkeep, like a house cleaner, lawn guy, repainting biannually, re-staining the deck each summer, and replacing all the furniture every couple of years. Some dry cleaning too, just every other week or so for essentials. And spending on health is reasonable, of course, so a gym membership for $200 a month, it sounds like a lot but it’s closer to the office! Two cars, and unfortunately image is really essential for their jobs so it’s imperative they lease luxury cars. They don’t want to they have to! Just a typical middle class lifestyle, really. It’s not like they have a jet or something!

That’s my guess, but I’d love to hear others! Does anyone else think he’s maybe spending on something/someone else? I am so upset we didn’t get to hear what the breach of trust around debt was earlier in their relationship! Nosy AllHat is nosy.

LadyDuck · April 14, 2022, 1:54am

Ahhh you said then"spending on basics" part so well. If they said food is $1k/ month, I bet it’s $2k groceries and $2k everything that’s not sitting on a restaurant (lunches? Coffees? Quick dinner, afternoon snack… Etc.)