Your mom is a sweetheart.
@TrisPrior I am sorry. 
@rural - thatās sad and unfortunate for the communityās access to dental healthcare. 
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The lag is annoying, but I thought this video did a great job of explaining some of the testing weirdness you see with covid:
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CHlOc61hx3P/?igshid=tpzq8xpmj5gi
Eta and why previously infected people should be categorized no differently than anyone else pursuant to risk level for addition to your bubble.
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I also feel like covid is closing in and like Iām gonna get it pretty soon. But. I am SO GLAD the vaccine is starting to be rolled out!
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Uggggh. Just tried to talk with my mom about Christmas. She wonāt talk about it. Like, actually said āthis makes me sad, I donāt want to talk about itā and started crying, yet they still are planning to come here.
No.
So I told her that I do need to talk about it because if they insist on coming here even ājust to drop off giftsā I refuse to have a visit where Iām the bad guy bitching at everyone about masks and distancing and staying outside and making sure Bobbin canāt go hug them. I refuse for all that to be solely on me. I fucking hate this mentality. If we could talk about it I could find ways to make it nice and it would soothe my anxiety about them and little bro coming. Little bro and I had a frank discussion about it and he said basically that itās my house, my rules and he will do whatever I ask and he understands that I have to be careful. Idk why expecting the same from my mom is too much.
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If you know when they are coming, can you just not be home?
Itās so hard when people wonāt respect boundaries.
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I donāt know when theyāre coming yet, but theyāll tell me when they plan to come eventually.
If I canāt have a conversation with them about it then they can come here, drop off gifts on our sidewalk and leave. Or not come at all, I donāt care about the gifts. If I can talk to them then Iād be ok with having them on our back deck as long as everyone stays in masks and stays apart and I get absolutely zero shit about not being able to touch Bobbin. I know I will get ugly if I have to be the covid precautions police.
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That all puts you in such a terrible spot; Iām so sorry 
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boundaries (cut because I ramble a bit)
Setting AND receiving boundaries feels so unnatural to me, and never fails to āfeelā personal. I keep practicing, but itās still so hard. It seems to be hard for many, many people. I keep seeing people walking back their boundaries the moment it gets uncomfortable, including boundaries around keeping themselves and their families safe in the pandemic. For some reason itās easier to value another personās comfort over oneās own safety.
I get emotionally expressive (reactive) quickly when I try to defend boundaries. Feelings get hurt. I donāt know how to avoid that with certain people in my life, especially my mother. You have all of my empathy on figuring this out. Iām sorry you are being denied the chance to discuss it proactively and feel set up to be the bad guy. It sucks.
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MIL and SIL are going to come out to ādrop off presentsā. From philly, on the interstate (well, turnpike), with windows open in the car. Frostbite oāclock.
Also, weāve been very clear with them that theyāre not coming within 6 feet of us or inside the house for any reason. I have a feeling theyāre not going to respect that and Iām going to have to get surly.
I used to not mind being the bad guy, but Iām getting tired of it.
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IT ME.
I know my mom is hurting right now. I would be too locked in a house with my dad and that much Fox News. Blahhhhhh
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My mom said itās ākilling herā to have not seen us for almost a year. She did ask what she could do to make us comfortable with the idea of her coming to stay with us overnight (itās a far enough drive that it doesnāt make sense for her to drive up, visit for an hour, then drive home) since weāve said weāre not comfortable with hotels. Iāve been trying to figure out if we could say āTake a test of X type, quarantine for Y days, then take the rapid test to confirm a negative and you can drive here as soon as you get the negativeā but itās been almost three weeks that Iāve been thinking about this and I just canāt bring myself to say that Iām okay with that. I would be freaking out the entire visit - did they really quarantine or was there a quick run out for something from the store? Or someone in the hallway of their building that they chatted with for ājust a minuteā? The alternative is doing a few more (admittedly shitty) months just like the past nine shitty months, honestly that just seems like the safer choice.
Then thereās also the can of worms that if we let her visit with those rules we feel like we have to let the other grandparents know those same rules so they can come visit, so then itās this other whole can of worms (in-laws donāt think this is a big deal and probably havenāt been wearing masks if I had to guess, and why yes they do watch Fox News a lot how did you guess?).
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One of the many things that sucks so so so much about this whole thing is that I feel like I canāt ever trust someone to have really quarantined. There are too many ājust for a minuteāsā and āI quarantined except forāsā and I feel like the spread is so high that those little lapses have a greater chance of ending badly, you know?
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Yep. And trying to tell a parent āI donāt trust your judgementā does NOT generally go over well. 
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Iām so sorry, yāall. I donāt fully trust my familyās quarantine (mostly because medical appointments that were actually urgent, but also SIL is still going to more than one grocery store). We went to them and then stayed outside/away. Easier to control, and I only had to sneak off into the woods to go pee myself, not tell my mother she had to do that.
But also they are trying really hard and understand, so it was just differing levels of comfort (they are eating food they didnāt prepare themselves; I have not since March). I donāt know how Iād handle it if they didnāt believe in the pandemic at all. No, thatās not true. Iād change the access code to the gate on our property so they couldnāt get in (no way my mom could make that hike). But Iām glad I donāt have to think about it.
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I stayed in my motherās house. I did not quarantine or test, I go to work in person, and I flew. I was a much greater risk to her than she was to me, and she really insisted that I should come.
We masked whenever we werenāt eating/drinking and stayed six feet apart when we were.* We hugged only once the whole time, and it was masked. When there were other guests like Grandma, we were both masked and outdoors. After Grandma left we did take off our masks outside.
*Except when I drank Jack Daniels until I threw up and my sister put me to bed. So, maybe donāt drink straight whisky if you are socializing. Pro tip.
I think when it comes to family, itās really about personal risk tolerance. I didnāt bring my kids or husband and I didnāt go to my nieceās little covid wedding, I only went for the ash-scattering.
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Little old greyhaired lady privilege in action: I may have just told the maskless wonder staring at my respirator in the farm supply store* that āpeople like you are the reason I have to wear this.ā He did at least have the grace to hang his head and shuffle his feet as I sailed past.
*Have to go in just to the register to pay for propane cylinder exchange. Wish I could find an alternative, but thatās true at WalMart and the dollar store as well, and those are all the places where thereās exchange available around here. At least the farm supply is partly open to the outside.
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Co-workerās son just got a positive COVID test. They live in Texas and all the kids have been active on sports teams.
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The vaccine got FDA approval.
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My alumni magazine came yesterday. Usually there is 1 page of obits. This time there are over 5 pages of obits.
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Holy crap. 
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