I was crying over every single sewing pattern for masks on the internet making nonsense. Then Marcela saved me.
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Because he wanted to see our solar system, not Mercury.
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I always see this thread come up and half want to post in it.
(Twin powers activate!)
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Some days we are our own toddlers at heart.
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Adulthood is parenting your own inner toddler.
~dolly parton
~oprah
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I’m convinced that children throw everything on the floor specifically so that they can practice their gross motor skills. Latte does more stability work tripping over books she’s just thrown in front of herself than any other time. 
Pursuant to the thread, she’s crying because she failed one of these stability challenges.
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Oh you parents, you have no idea how much pleasure I am getting from these posts. They are hilarious.
Living with the illogical little creatures is a life stage I skipped. That is just as well. I probably didn’t have the right mindset to parent toddlers until I had had bulldogs for many years. Bulldogs are known to be two-year-olds in fur suits.
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Same. Thank you for bringing me the funny parts of raising children without the responsibility.
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The paci is not in my mouth. Now the paci is in my mouth. Now it’s not in my mouth. Now it is in my mouth. Oh wait, I’m teething.
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Human anatomy words spoiler
dada wouldn’t let her poke his penis in the shower.
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We have the same issue but with his own
Summary
I don’t mind him touching himself in the bath but he also wants to do it during diaper changes and sometimes if I leave the diaper off too long there is pee 
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So we have a box on the ground under the kitchen island. He climbed onto the box, tried to stand up, and got stuck with his head against the bottom of the island. He then got very upset and had to be rescued. I’m bummed that we did not get a picture of this in time.
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I am familiar with this particular maneuver 
poor little gremlins
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Because he doesn’t like the book I was reading to him, one of my childhood favorites, and he feels bad for hurting my feelings by not liking my book but he really doesn’t want to continue the story but he’s so sorry.
For the record, my feelings are not hurt. Poor kid.
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Several times a week: because he did something he knew was wrong and now he’s in trouble and has to make amends.
I think it’s more complex but that’s the gist of it.
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I put all my soft toys in the soft toy basket because they are soft and therefore need to go in the basket for soft toys, but now there are no soft toys in my bed and I can never sleep again.
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THIS OMG THIS, WHY CHILD.
Us, already frustrated and asking for the umpteenth time: Kiddo, do X.
Kiddo: does not do the thing
Us: Kiddo if you don’t do X you’re going to have to go to your room.
Kiddo: I DON’T WANNA TO TO MY ROOM, I DON’T WANNA GET IN TROUBLE
Us: Then do X.
Kiddo: runs off
We go to put him in his room
Kiddo, crying: I WANNA DO X, I WANNA DO X!!
Why? Why could you not do X ten seconds ago? We don’t want to put you in time out either, and yet here we are. Have you not learned that we’re not bluffing by now? @LadyDuck at least yours is younger, right? Kiddo is 5.
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Mine is almost 4. Yes. Yours uses more words during the interaction, but that is definitely one of the scenarios covered by this (mine is also more impulsive due to age, I have little doubt it will develop into what you’ve described).
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I need to post the “Why I can’t sleep” version:
- I need the bunny
- and the other bunny
- and the elephant
- THE ELEPHANT IS TOO BIG?
- I need to go downstairs
- I need water
- I want to sit with mom
- mom sucks, I want to sit with dad
- I want the heater on
- the heater scares me
- I want the humidifier off
- I have a booger
- I want mom to hold me in exactly the way I want
- I want mom to sit in the tent
- I WANT MOM
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