My crowning achievement of the pandemic is largely only losing my shit on my shit on inanimate objects, and my dog. 
weeee.
It me.
It also me.
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We’re holding on only thanks to access to a local park and good weather. Baby literally spends 4 hours a day there. It’s gotten to the point where he is regularly greeted by name when we’re there. 
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BLF stories today are about how K is coping with her husband being out of town and I think it’s a good reminder of how hard all this is. She does regularly talk about how she and her husband do try to fill their cups. But it’s really really hard. It sounds to me like everyone here is doing really good jobs with a hard thing.
@AnneBeddingfeld I found figuring out the things that were triggering me really helped. Sometimes we could change things around to avoid triggers and sometimes it’s just nice to be able to say to myself “of course this feels hard and awful, he’s been out of daycare sick for a week!” Instead of beating myself up about how I’m feeling.
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We do a lot of park time too, but Latte has an interest limit before she starts boundary pushing and has a subsequent tantrum about boundaries being maintained. Sigh. But yes, the outdoors SAVES me. She’s generally outside 2.5-3.5 hours a day this month. (Tracking as part of my 2021 bingo lol)
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I cope a lot better when I’m not on week three of being sick, and when I get food, showers, and listen to podcasts. I’m more likely to dissociate or give in than to yell. So calm but not always healthy calm, in case you feel jealous of the chill parents.
We’re starting to hit walls where I wish I hadn’t set the boundary (no toothbrush in the bath) but it’s there now.
I think that just letting him feel is helping, and I have big feelings too so I understand that these feelings might be here forever. So far it seems to help him a lot of I can correctly articulate the injustice. Sometimes I can’t figure it out.
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I did an in-person class on “circle of security” which was about feeling the feelings and some other stuff. They said we’ve only got to get it right 30% of the time. I can do that, mostly. Doesn’t mean 70% should be screaming! Just, mucking up won’t permanently harm kiddo, especially if you learn to apologize well.
I find this one so funny (the idea that you shouldn’t do tummy time) because hello, baby can’t put themselves on their back either! 
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This is a lovely and reassuring thing. Thank you for sharing
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I did a similar class and remember that fact and it was amazing! I think getting cues right 30% of the time put you in the top parent group even.
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Is it the kind of boundary that’s important (but difficult) to hold, or you want to maintain it in the future? If not, I believe there is space for…not quite compromise, but revisiting boundaries that are not serving their purpose. He might be too little to truly understand “we’re going to change this rule now because XYZ” but it helps set the precedent that he can have input, you decide, and you set boundaries with reason instead of arbitrarily.
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I would prefer we start having some boundaries about yes no for what goes in the bath, and I’d prefer that we understand what a toothbrush is for. But also after an hour of a sad little one I wished it was different. Two days later I’m glad I held firm. His dad is fully permissive and a mess, so unfortunately I have to be the mean one
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This thread makes me feel seen. Also, reassured that I’m not just totally fucking up my kids because there’s a pandemic and no one’s needs are being met.
My older one, she of the high needs combined form of ADHD (both inattentive and hyperactive), is an extroverted chaos-lover. Many kids with ADHD will cause chaos, disruption, and drama when they’re not stimulated enough because they’re seeking to fill that need. I have no idea how to fulfill those needs during a pandemic when we can’t be close with other people for the most part. What HX and I have worked on instead is supporting each other through the bad phases (something we’ve both been really bad about in the past, so we used to turn on each other and have a huge fight because neither of us felt supported) and that’s probably made the biggest difference in my attitude and calmness. It’s not everything, but it’s a lot.
And I don’t know how two working parent households are holding it together during all of this, I really don’t. I’m in awe of you guys. At the start of the shutdowns I actually had the thought that at least I was already unemployed so it wouldn’t be too horrendous to have both kids at home all day. Still horrendous, just not as bad. So if you’re in a two working parent household, I salute you. It’s totally okay to break down occasionally because, really, no one was meant to parent this way. We’re supposed to have our group around us, our support system. That’s how we evolved. To have it taken away and still have to continue working like everything is normal is totally fucked up.
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Oh man, maybe this is a separate thread entirely, because I regularly feel like I’m managing everyone’s feelings - the toddlers and the coparents
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On phone, but ptf
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I don’t know about bigger kids, but the local farm helps my kiddo a LOT. Thank goodness they are open because last year they weren’t. But yeah, even at 14 months (actually much younger, maybe by 10?) If he’s understimulated he will repeat a behaviour that he knows is a no. Right level of stimulation he just develops new talents. He is 100% a full time job.
And different thread, but I’m already trying to figure out feeding strategies for when he can’t focus on food.
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Okay, that’s really hard. You shouldn’t be managing another adult’s feelings. What we’ve gotten better about is the communication about things. For instance, when the kids are being overwhelming what I need is a safe space to vent and get it out before I go back in the fray. HX always saw that as me asking him to “solve” the problem, which inevitably led to him telling me what I could/should be doing differently. That felt like a total betrayal because it was absolutely not what I needed, nor was it actually helpful. So now he asks if I want answers or I just need to vent, and bites his tongue when I say I need to vent. We can talk about parenting methods later, not when I’ve been screamed at and had doors slammed in my face for six hours.
Elle - My sympathies. That was such a difficult, exhausting age with the Demon. She’s actually getting easier with age, if you can believe it. I mean “easier” is relative (she’ll never be an easy kid) but it does get better. My MIL assures me that my husband, whom the Demon is just like, just kept getting easier as he learned how to manage himself, his energy, and his emotions.
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I am also a big feelings kid. So I kinda want him to have as long as he needs of bouncing feelings and energy off if himself before he has to deal with it all himself/with super expensive helpers. But also I am so so so so so tired.
Today he got mega stimulation (cousins!) And still had a spree where it was just so so hard.
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Highly recommend kids eat in color IG here. Her kids are very high energy needs and not that interested in food so she has lots of suggestions for that specific question.
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