I have been listening to this book and I really really enjoy it. It is making me feel like I have an abundance of time and freedom to use my time how I want to.
The bed time and weekly planning rules have been the most helpful for me. We are trying for a bedtime of 8:30 (with a 5:30am wakeup). We start winding down around 8 so far. It is nice to have a target to shoot for but it hasn’t been strict.
The weekly planning is so helpful for me keeping everything straight between social obligations, my training schedule, work schedules, etc. It has been most helpful for making sure we plan rest days and time for just our family instead of being overrun with social obligations. It is nice to look back at the week and see what was accomplished too.
For the planning what I have found to be the most helpful so far is a note on my phone with each day underlined, a list of to-do’s. As the days come up I add other things I did or move the to do’s around (laundry was planned for wednesday but I did it on Monday for example).
I am now to the chapter of one big adventure and one little adventure. What ideas for adventures do yall have??
I am going to write down the questions at the end of the chapters and answer them as I have time to reflect.
Thanks for the suggestion, I am really enjoying this and it has been really helpful so far.
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I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Planning has helped me be a lot more realistic about what I can actually do in a week. I don’t have an official back up slot but I try to leave one naptime uncommitted and I have my work Saturdays as built in catch up days because there are no meetings (I work two days a week and every other Saturdays).
We are still working on the adventures because it’s Little League season and that’s really time consuming. But some things I or we have done are:
Swimming at rec center
Going to the outlet mall with LB
Taking BB out for beignet
Going to local art festival
Free day at local air and space museum
Taking BB and baby to free day at science museum
Going to Dairy Queen for 85 cent blizzards when they launched their app
I subscribed to a local newsletter about free and cheap things happening in my city to get ideas.
I am nowhere on take one night for yourself! Have you gotten to that one yet?
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I love these ideas! There is an bike/pedestrian underpass opening near us and the city sent out an email for the official opening ceremony and they will have concessions and such. Does going to this count as an adventure? Does it help that I am irrationally excited because now I don’t have to cross this really busy street on my runs???
I love framing things as adventures, because this totally could count whereas before this would just be a boring underpass opening, lol.
I have not gotten to the part in the book of taking one night for myself, but I have been really good about taking a weekend morning to myself for a long run (usually 1-4 hours total time out of the house including driving). The baby’s most reliable nap is the first one so it is easiest to let one person take the morning shift and we can both be on for the evenings. I am curious if the “night” part of the rule is important, or if it is more about getting any time for yourself.
I am curious to get more background from the chapter though. I like how her rules are really obvious on the surface but she adds a good deal of nuance on how to execute them during the chapter. I like knowing the intent behind the rules, I think it helps me fit them into my life better.
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Weekend morning definitely counts but she encourages you to pick something social!
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And I like how she has made me sort of reframe hassles as adventures.
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I am having a hard time planning on Fridays!! I am going to try it Friday morning this week.
I am still making an effort to plan my week today (Monday morning) but hopefully settling in the rhythm helps. I like the idea that your weekend can be more enjoyable when you go into it with intent and not having a crazy Monday morning to jump into.
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I have a mixed reaction to this book. I was in her study for the book and then dropped out because it just felt like too much and I got annoyed at the emails. Also, I’ve read all of her other stuff and listened to her podcast so I think I’ve already taken what I like out of most of her stuff and then have STRONG opinions about the stuff that doesn’t work for me. 
So that’s a me problem.
Basically, her number of adventures and general commitment to things is way, way more than what is feasible for me. And all of this is only do-able with the massive amount of household help she has. Yes, she has 5 kids but she’s had multiple nannies, driving help + household help like laundry and dishes + deep cleaning help.
If I instead add incrementally in the direction of more fun, family time etc – whatever it is that I want – instead of trying to fit in an “ideal” schedule, this is less overwhelming for me and I can use my actual level of energy, $ available, etc to find the right balance. For awhile there I felt like I should be some how having loads of individual fun, loads of kid adventures and lots of friendships in a challenging time of life.
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Sounds a bit like Rachel Hollis in some ways.
Does she talk about that outsourced help in her podcast? Where did you learn that?
I like that direction and balance you are finding with her advice! There are definitely some things that are not going to work with our situation too!
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I’ve been reading her stuff for over a decade now - blog, podcast, books. It’s crazy how much you know about someone after you read what they write about their life after that long! Their podcast does have stuff on household help but since it’s an expensive thing, they do tread lightly. They have less solutions for someone who feels like they can afford daycare but not a nanny.
It gave me hope that I could have it ALL! Lol. And don’t get me wrong, I do think I have a little bit of everything that is important to me, which means her work has had a positive impact overall.
But the reality of a pandemic, young kid + an undiagnosed illness (and then a bad, diagnosed illness) really made re-evaluate the standards I had for myself. I realized that some of what I had internalized as even being possible were primarily from her work. And I do overall love her work! I just have found it to be much better to not hold out an idealized, standard schedule but instead take the principles and apply them incrementally and then be happy with that. It can get to that perfectionist part of my personality so now I know I have to hold some of her ideas lightly.
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Let’s see … her rules:
Bedtime - I do generally go to bed early and then let myself wake up and have time to myself in the mornings.
Plan on Fridays - I do pre-plan my weekends and the next week whenever possible. I re-write my game plan several times a week, and after years of trying to coordinate with my husband, we do generally come up with a game plan for the week. (Usually Thursday or Saturday morning - we like to take it easy on Saturday mornings.)
Move by 3 pm - This, eh. My movement is dictated by my routine + health stuff
Three times a week is a habit - Eh. 1x a week or 2x a month is better than nothing – some sort of routine of something you care about is good enough and can be improved on.
Create a back up spot - 100% agree
One big adventure, one little adventure – Not enough time or energy for this. Trying to plan adventures week to week based on actual obligations and energy. But I do try to shortcut chores (i.e. Order groceries to at least have 1 little adventure if I’m not actively feeling terrible. Even then then the little adventure could be a movie or something.)
Take one night for you - We have Thursday night childcare. Sometimes I work late, sometimes I do my own thing, sometimes Mr. G and I go on a date.
Batch the little things – yes, I do this.
Effortful before effortless – Eh. I guess. I get the idea. But I’m the type to overdo vs. underdo so I personally don’t feel the need for this. Instead I need to do what renews my energy, because purposeful fun still takes energy.
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Hah! A million replies.
But my standard for when evaluating what is enough for me with these things:
Am I doing the best that I can given my actual real life? (I’m always trying, this is usually a yes for me.)
Am I actually respecting my energy levels and personal boundaries vs. beating myself up in the quest for perfection? (This one I have to pay attention to)
And do I have at least a little bit of everything that I feel like makes up a great life, even if it’s just a small part of life right now? (Currently, yes. And thankful for that.)
Thanks therapy, yes, it took therapy to realize I couldn’t do it all.
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I like how you are taking what works for you! I did wonder- how does she do ANY adventures with that many kids? Do they not play team sports? Because Little League season has been super all-consuming and even when it’s just, like, one kid playing rec flag football it’s kind of a big lift.
I’m still working through the rules. I haven’t gotten to One Night for Yourself yet. We can’t afford paid childcare and our schedule is kinda tight, so I’m still ruminating on what this would look like for me.
Trying to preserve weekends for fun is something I’ve been working on for years via The Fly Lady and now that the cuckoo is a little older, we’re trying to be better at actually getting ourselves out of the house or at least doing something a little more effortful (eg, board game).
I also haven’t gotten to the effortful before effortless chapter yet but I have it in the back of my mind and am trying to read more and work on my puzzle more often.
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From what I remember, lots of spreadsheets and multiple drivers! They haven’t done stuff like travel soccer and it’s stuff like a Ninja gym. But I remember one of her kids was in wrestling with meets for awhile.
It does seem like a lot, but it seems like they lean towards finding all of the activities helpful in their schedule. And they don’t always take all the kids to all the things.
Whatever works for them!
I love hearing how you are slowly taking the ideas and making it work for you!
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@ginja_ninja and I were talking about this in my journal recently so I thought I woud update here! I am still circling around on TbyT and trying to budge myself more in the direction of some of the rules.
I am pretty strong on:
Batch the little things (administrative tasks like phone calls)
Create a backup slot
Move by 3pm (but I was already doing that)
Plan on Fridays
Making some progress on:
Give yourself a bedtime- I have FitBit alarms set to start getting ready for bed but sometimes I still overshoot
Effortful before effortless- trying to read more and work on puzzles more
Still working on:
Three times a week is a habit (not sure what I want to do three times but I set aside some time for crafts and gardening sometimes)
Batch the little things (chores)
Take one night for you (literally zero progress)
How are other people doing?
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I changed the “three times a week is a habit” to “one time per week is a habit”!
For piano specifically. Could I make more progress with 3 days per week? Yes. But once per week is huge.
Also idk if this fits here but for laundry we have been doing a load at night on a delay start so we just put the washed clothes in the dryer or hang them first thing. Laundry has been so much easier!!
Bed time is easier with the baby. We are going to try and make the time between baby bed time and adult bedtime screen free to have more fun and make that more “effortful before effortless”
I’m also trying a daily goal of decluttering two physical things and two digital things. So daily really means 3x/week for success!
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I love one time a week is a habit! Really I think her most important idea there is to reframe and appreciate how often you ARE doing something like that!
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