Is anyone else reading Tranquility by Tuesday and want to have a thread to talk about it?
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I’m not, but I can see if the library has it. I liked her earlier books that I read when I was still working
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I think there’s a lot in this one that could apply to people at different life stages!
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I bought it on release day, but haven’t actually read it yet!
I do follow Vanderkam’s blog/podcast occasionally and so I’m familiar with the “rules” and really like the Big Adventure, Little Adventure one. I also like looking at her seasonal bucket lists (on the blog) & how her kids get one on one adventures with a parent - as one of five kids myself, I definitely remember the specific times my parents were able to take me to a writing conference workshop or something really special hobby-wise.
The “one night for you a week” rule also reminds me of Eve Rodsky’s second book, Find Your Unicorn Space. She expands on her theme from Fair Play about how everyone needs (essentially) time for play/curiosity/pleasure.
As a neurodivergent person with a love/hate relationship with executive function scaffolding, I find the structural ideas really intriguing. I’m hoping to use the concepts as a jumping off point for my journaling/community building in 2023.
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I have NEVER had a night to myself. I used to work late 1-2 nights per week, so that was as much as I wanted to be away from my kids… and nights are probably coming back in the next few months… so that might just not be one that I can implement. But when I get to that chapter I’ll think about ways I can adapt the concept.
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Yeah, as a library person I know the evening/weekend demand can make participating in other stuff or finding extra time challenging!
I think the spirit of the rule is “how do you make time for yourself” and Vanderkam is pro hobby group commitment (hers is choir iirc). As an introvert I lean hard into “cuddle into a blanket/pillow pile with book and no disturbances, also please leave me totally alone in the house, thanks” vibes for self care!
For myself, a big issue is that I have trouble following through on stuff I want to do - I’m a classic Obliger (Gretchen Rubin 4 Tendencies style) who basically fakes motivation by adding responsibility to someone else (like promises to others, helping out my wife or future-me, structured volunteering). If it’s just for me & my pleasure alone it’s super hard to get started on something. Sometimes ticky box checkmarks and life design rules help a bit too though!
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I especially like the “one big adventure, one little adventure” item, although I usually end up doing two little adventures instead (who has the time and energy for excursions of several hours?)
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The pandemic and fertility treatment got me out of the habit of having any adventures, so I’m excited to get to that part and hopefully get inspired! LV has more kids than I do (she has 5!) but I have a baby and preteens, so I’m hoping for advice that will be relevant to my multi-age family!
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I am struggling with bedtime. I want to have a bedtime. But all the usual things are getting in my way. I have older kids who don’t go to bed until after 9:00, but young enough that they want to spend the evening with me. I have a nursing baby so I have a lot of tasks to do before bed and I always underestimate how long they will take, and I also fall victim a little bit to the completing a list of tasks before bed rather than sticking to my bedtime. And then the next thing I know it is not 10:30 to 11:00, it is 11:30 or even later.
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Juggling everyone and everything sounds hard. Instead of fixing everything at once, maybe you can carve out 1-2 nights a week for relaxing and going to bed early? Only emergency chores on those nights.
Or maybe 1-2 nights a week older kids can help with some of your todo list, or read you a book or hang out in the same room while you do things, so you’re not starting your 3rd shift of work after their bedtimes?
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I don’t even work usually! The Boy does the dishes. Somehow just talking to him for a few minutes, taking a bath, make bottle/change diaper/nurse/give bottle, and before I know it it’s 11:30. That doesn’t seem possible, so I think maybe I need to pay more attention to how long different things are actually taking and go from there. Goal is bedtime at 11 on non-work nights and 10:30 on work nights (I work only 2-3 days per week and don’t have time for a bath on those nights).
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OMG, in the section on “batching small things” she encourages you to think about giving something up, and her example is meal planning. She has five children! With activities! What do they eat??? And how does not planning meals save time? I’m so confused.
Mind blown.
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honest question, how do you know what items are going to be available for you to plan around? my grocery store never seems to carry the same things from one week to the next.
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That’s so odd! We have never had that problem. Except like at Costco maybe.
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Are you shopping at someplace like grocery outlet? A lot of their stuff is close out or near Best Buy date stuff they get from warehouses and distributors. You need to think more categorically there — and don’t believe their comparison prices which are misleading because they list non-sale prices at expensive stores
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We usually shop at an odd little organic chain, I’m not sure what their model is but I guess I need to start writing grocery lists for, say, “a crunchy vegetable” instead of “celery”
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I finished the book and went back to the beginning, and actually went through the steps to establish a bedtime and reminders and answered the planning questions. I’m cautiously optimistic that it might help me to be more successful than just winging it!
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Yep, turns out I suck at having a bedtime. I kept missing my window and not getting enough sleep.
I’m going to keep working at it. I don’t always notice the FitBit alarms I set and I’m not willing to set phone or Alexa alarms. I know it’s going to be a lot easier when I don’t have to block out up to half an hour of the evening for the baby’s “dream feed” (diaper change, nurse, top-off bottle).
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Plan on Friday was a real winner! I framed a cross-stitch and hung it up at work AND wrote a letter to my grandma. Things that never seem to make it on the list.
I feel a lot better about the house being a little squalid when it’s because I made a conscious choice to do something else, versus constantly feeling like I “ran out of time.”
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Remember the other rule that 3 times a week is a habit??? Maybe trying for 1 or 2 days then adding more as you can!
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