I’ll step back now as this is all second hand info on my part, and i think I’m missing part of the conversation that’s happening.
I would just personally wonder how much is actually people trying a (potentially dangerous) sex fad and how much is people being more willing to talk about it and the prevalence being not that dramatically increased.
But the queer community and the kink community are fairly interconnected so my data points are not mainstream.
I think we all try to fetter their access, but it’s harder than it seems and I hear they get good at unfettering. My nephew was like 15 when he learned how to jailbreak a phone.
Haha seems like it’s based on what we’ve both experienced tbh. The adolescents in my life, even the middle school to elementary school kids, have plenty of access via their very normal phones 
I take your point that kids are gonna find things no matter what. Even if they don’t have a phone they’ll have a friend etc.
My personal stance is to have lots of conversations about it and transparency on risks as often as possible.
But my kid is 4 soOoooOoooOooo
@oro the greater conversation is on how rape culture has co-opted pornography as an industry and how it’s majorly fucked up views and attitudes on sex for many people especially people newly developing in their sexual selves. it’s not about kink shaming, it’s about how genuine sexual violence has found a place to hide in our attempts to be open and sex positive, both things that are great separate to this issue.
Please put this conversation in spoilers.
I think that choking/breath play is pretty common to at least try in BDSM and kink spaces and can be done really safely.
I am deeply concerned about people age 10-17 having the maturity and skill to play safe with breath play. Which is where going to university or the big city and learning you aren’t the only one and how to play safe is super important. And the prevalence of the internet in youth lives is a very complex topic. Because it can bring you safety or community or it can bring you dramatized depictions of stuff you wouldn’t really do. And that is true for everything - violence, unsafe driving, pranks, drugs, bad money habits and porn.
Unfortunately parents gotta parent. And that includes discussing all of this and having some sense of what their teens are consuming.
Organic kink is a thing. There are kids lying around asexual and there are kids and teens lying around fantasizing about both sides of choking, spanking, degradation, piss, scat, bondage and things you may not want to know exist. If they safely play solo or have a partner’s consent to try… I don’t belong in their bedroom except to make sure they know about keeping it safe sane and consensual, having snacks and after care. And scissors and whatever else you need. Maybe a burn kit. Depends what you are doing.
There are also solo options for breathplay. Those scare me because safety is harder. Solo impact play and bondage I’d be less concerned about my kid doing. But if that is what their future brains and bodies want, I want them to know that there are people and places to learn about it safely.
I was at a party tonight and the moms of 18 year olds are upset because their kids are doing weed. They can provide information and be a safe ear, but they can’t stop it.
I am really concerned about trends I am seeing villifying BDSM as rapey. It is a safe consensual private community with low tolerance for abusers. And I want people who are kink inclined to feel human safe and normal.
I am very pro having spaces that have people who know what they are doing and can model safe behavior FO SHO.
Do you think the issue is conflating more violent seeming sexual media with bdsm? Because from my limited understanding it’s not the same at all.
I had a good private chat with some folks actually about how lovely dominance and submission can be in a trusting relationship but that nuanced is lost on kids that are just fucking about based on some porn they saw ya know. [This was said in a joking not aggressive tone! Humor be my coping mechanism with discomfort!]
Yep. I used to be part of a team teaching a class at a local high school (on hold at the moment for various reasons), and every year or two the school would update their security settings and block access to the servers we use since they were outside of the school. We were good role models and filed service requests through the appropriate IT channels to let them know why the servers needed to be whitelisted (yet again…), but realistically it was faster to tell the kids what we wanted them to access and they’d be up and running again in a day or two while the school district took weeks to get back to us.
I think porn is to sex what paw patrol or a marvel movie is to life.
The assumption that rough sex = violence is messy.
The assumption that people get their sexy ideas from media is a problem.
I know lots of people who enjoyed consensual rough sex years before learning about established BDSM and kink identities and decades before seeing media depictions of those activities.
The BEST consent frameworks have come from queer and kink communities and imho should be applied across sexy and non sexy situations. Instead, it feels like there is a (p word, not pilgrim, like anti drinking) conservative attempt to blame violence on people with non vanilla interests.
I totally see your discomfort on the rough sex = violence suggestion. I agree. I don’t think rough sex makes you a sexually violent person. And i absolutely think it’s not proven that looking at rough sex or violent sex is increasing the spread of rape culture. It’s really chicken and egg there. Thanks for making me think about that.
I do think that kids that have access to porn are going to model the behavior they see there, and it’s not a great or nuanced space. I think there’s strong research to suggest that engagement in porn has effects on adolescents specifically. I unfortunately don’t have a citation so i can look more into it and make sure I’m backing that up and corroborating, rather than trusting lots of my personal sources who are involved in studying and discussing that 
i promise i will!
I don’t really agree that porn is just the marvel to life comparison. Because we have soooooo many active examples and models of how to live life. Sex is so taboo for many or just happens in such private spaces. and no one’s really getting great education on that at least in my communities lol.
To be clear, like crystal, i don’t have an issue with the bdsm community! Im actually a little bummed that the conversation went that way and that’s how it was interpreted.
I have a major issue with teens getting lots of early sexual exposure to the complete bonkers world of porn on the internet without being able to rely on people they can trust to guide them through the morass.
Yep! That is going to be a fun one to parent through! And not just porn, extremist viewpoints, violence, bad health advice. My poor parents just had to deal with me having access to tv and magazines.
I think communities and parents and social institutions are complicit in rape culture and need to step up. Raising good humans is hard af and hopefully we do it right.
Well thank you for being a friend i can talk about porn with at the dinner table 
along with all those other tricky subjects.
I like porn and several flavours of sex and drugs and the overthrow of the patriarchy and the end of capitalism and colonization and I’m raising teenagers in the digital age and I’m sure I’m doing it wrong but I’m equally sure that no one is doing it right because all of this is too complicated and nuanced for there to be One True Answer, ya know?
I want kids to know that porn is not an accurate depiction of sex and sex like they have in porn would be truly terrible. But they don’t like it when I say stuff about porn they would rather pretend they don’t look at it because I’m their mom and eeewwwwwwww noooooooo.
Also I’m high right now so forgive the run on sentences. I love you all.
TIL that vinyl is the best way to listen to music lol come at me
I’m happy to report that you <hissss.> are <pop!> wrong.
Folks just a reminder we had a request to put spoiler tags on this discussion
The only way to really experience music is live, at a small, intimate venue, while making flirty eye contact with the bass player.
Everything else is meh.
Sorry i can’t hear you over how insufferable I am
Bougie.
Okay you’re right live is the best.
TIL vinyl is the second best way to listen to music
I just wanted to one-up you on the music snob thing. It meant nothing. I listen to music using my phone. It never sounds good and idgaf.