Today is farm day, market day, and CSA day. I backed into someone at the farm stand, darn it. Not a small complaint, a biggie I guess?
My body did the whole PTSD thing: Mind wipe! I describe this to people who aren’t so afflicted as being the equivalent of an emotional flash bang. All of a sudden, all at once your brain empties, your senses go on hiatus and in effect you become temporarily really stupid because you’ve lost your input/sense of self/sense of time, spacial relationships, etc. The image I get in my brain is all those 1960s SF movies where everything is white, coupled with a sensory deprivation tank – floating nothing. All at once.
And, of course the guy whose car I backed into (dented his door panel) was one of the sort who probably cleans his headlight lenses when he washes his windows during a fill up. AND he’d already had someone else hit him that day, elsewhere. So, he was NOT happy.
And my brain went … south. I couldn’t find the registration (finally did). Gave him my license, contact info. Then he asked for insurance info and I couldn’t find it. I called DH but he was in a high-level meeting and couldn’t cut loose (Guy wasn’t impressed.) I went thru my wallet – nada. Then realized I’d pulled everything from the wallet but the wad of medical insurance cards: medicare, health insurance, pharmacy number, etc. and there… in the middle of that wad… was my insurance card.
So, I’m sure he thought I was a total moron – because I was.
For decades, I thought that when this sort of thing happened it just proved part of the abuse that I was stupid. Then one day I found a YouTube by a shrink that said that folks with PTSD frequently think they’re stupid because the first thing that happens during a flashback or other stressed event is the mind wipe.
Aha!
It’s still infuriating. I’m really annoyed that I hit the guy’s car. But I"m not stupid, no matter what my body does.
I have two different spreadsheets I’ve been working on … looking for potential retirement spots. The first one is state data: taxes on pensions, social security, land taxes, cost of living, etc.
The second, more involved is retail, local info, by town within those states: thrift shops, supermarkets, etc.
My computer has decided that when I saved the 2nd file yesterday it was corrupted and I CANNOT open it. !!!FFFFFFF!
Percy brought in a mouse (rat? Enormous and taily). The kids and I calmly and coolly moved upstairs and into a bedroom for a little hangout. Last I checked it was playing dead then hopping up and being pinned under the kitchen table. But we left the door open when we were upstairs. When we came down Percy was staring at a bookcase. Then we went out and we have come home to no clues.
Did it exit while I was upstairs and Percy stared at the bookcase for no reason?
Is it indoors alive?
Is it indoors dead?
I was thinking about getting a new pair of pants for NZ, and I was waiting for the website to show me what the actual colour was, not just the name. And by the time they had updated the photos, there were none left in my size, or the size one down that I thought would probably work.
I hadn’t realized they were so likely to sell out quickly and I had no time to consider (even though the store manager warned me the other week! I should have listened.)
Meal planning has become especially annoying lately. Kiddo doesn’t like soup or eggs, I’m trying not to use the oven too much this month because of the heat, and twice I’ve had meals that usually use bagged salad but I’d rather not do that just now (cases of the parasite have popped up locally). I guess I could get regular lettuce and cut it up myself but part of why I like the kits is they have multiple greens in them. And then after that I keep feeling like “didn’t we just have that? As in the leftovers of it were in the fridge yesterday.”
