Ok, so wanting to make a really good attempt for this cycle.
But I’m really debating what a good attempt means. Like supposedly various obvious healthy lifestyle things are supposed to make “a difference.”
But like, if I work out and cut down on caffeine and alcohol how much does the chance go up really? 1%? 5%?
Like I’m still weighing between put in the effort and it’s a crapshoot, don’t bother.
In my opinion if insemination occurs in any one of the three days prior to ovulation, I’ve done all I can for that cycle. Sometimes that means I track with ovulation and temping so that we can have as little sex as possible while still hitting one of the three pre-O days. Other cycles that means more frequent sex and less tracking (aiming for every other day, or every third day). (We did a medicated IUI this cycle, so now doing everything we can includes medication and going in for the IUI when the clinic said it was time.)
My personal opinion is that the lifestyle things are unlikely to make a difference. Maybe there’s no harm in trying to work out or cut out/reduce alcohol and caffeine. But if those lifestyle changes feel restrictive and unsustainable, or if you end up feeling like unsuccessful cycles are your fault because you’re not trying enough lifestyle changes, I think that’s a real harm that comes from the idea that maybe your chances would be better if you tried the lifestyle things.
Basically my stance is that a lot of the alcohol/caffeine/exercise/diet stuff is an effort to feel control in a situation where so much is up to biology and chance, and in some instances is a way to blame or shame people (especially women) for their infertility.
We’ve been trying about two years now. I’ve had cycles where I gave up caffeine entirely, didn’t drink at all, and exercised regularly, and none of it resulted in pregnancy. I’ve almost entirely stopped drinking this cycle because I’ve been having a lot of anxiety and alcohol exacerbates that, but at this point any lifestyle changes I make are for my own benefit, not because I think they’ll get me pregnant.
I hope that helps you think about what feels right for you.
+100 to what daffodil said.
Tbh, even where or when lifestyle stuff matters, eggs take months to develop. What you do within any one given cycle is very unlikely to affect THAT cycle.
Probably I would not do cocaine, but otherwise getting gametes in the right place around the right time is the biggest factor, followed by medical intervention in correcting anything that medically needs correcting.
No amount of decaf or meditation or any day to day thing is going to affect anything except your experience as a human person yourself dealing with withdrawal headaches or calming mantras.
I think I’ve been talking a lot about fertility and health and money on the forums without feeling completely satisfied because I need to talk to Greyman about it but haven’t wanted to. He’s generally slower to progress to the next life stage than I am (otherwise we would have gotten married at like 22 and been working on a baby at like 25-26) and more resistant to medical intervention. I’m just worried I’ll get strong pushback about the idea of even making a plan for the possibility of IVF as a “it’s not worth worrying about yet.”
And maybe that would be right. Looking at my charts, we only hit 6 cycles of insemination in the three days before ovulation and we technically got pregnant on one of them. We haven’t tried clomid or lestrozole, haven’t gotten anything tested other than blood draws for me. But I want to share all of these burdens rather than carrying them.
Talked to GM about IVF and seeing an RE and it went about as nowhere as I expected. He thinks we haven’t been trying hard enough (ie having enough sex) and so before we talk again we are going to have a sex and fertility education lesson about how sex inside of three particular days per cycle that I have been obsessively tracking for over a year (because I started tracking before removing my copper IUD) that we have predominantly missed because he wasn’t in the mood are the ones that matter.
Would it be stupid to say we’re not gonna do IVF for a year?
I can’t decide if it’s stupid to put it off because fertility only declines as I get older, or stupid not to put it off because I have no money.
Depends on your clinical picture, labs, etc. Even the fastest timeline to IVF with testing etc would be several months from meeting the doctor in many cases. There’s lots you learn first though with IF and loss work ups.
You would think I would eventually stop getting my hopes up. But nope, hints of spotting happening and apparently I had hopes to be dashed.
I never stopped getting my hopes up even after I found out we are super infertile, and I should probably just buy a bulk box of pregnancy tests because I’m sure I will get it into my head multiple times between now and menopause that I could be pregnant.* I feel you SO hard on this. Virtual hugs.
*In our defense, once you’ve gotten pregnant with an IUD in, anything seems possible… I mean, that one time I was just being paranoid but was actually knocked up…
I used to get my hopes up even in cycles I hadn’t introduced any sperm, that maybe it would happen by magic or that one IUI three months and three periods ago had actually worked (not a fun dream to wake up from) because brains are crazy like that.
It’s hard to keep hoping. In all interpretations.
It’s hard to even take my signs of period coming as such because the month I intentionally got pregnant, I texted my bff saying I was mad because I had cramps, and then I was pregnant. So if I get some cramps and they go away I’m like oooh this is it.
I thought I had made it to 10 dpo without spotting and so maybe I was actually pregnant, but it’s possible that this is only 9 dpo since I’m only OPKing and not temping anymore because I’m pretty happy with the reliability of OPKs for saying “yes O is in 1-2 days, commence banging if you haven’t yet”.
And the hope is still therrrre whyyyy
This is the part of the cycle that I struggle most with. You’re so close!
Sending good thoughts for clarity soon, and good distractions until then.
Taking a test just to get the hurt over with of the stark blankness rather than the hurt of actual bleeding rather than just tinted discharge.
9dpo is too early for most people, 10dpo is iffy, like 50/50 even if you’re actually pregnant. 12dpo is pretty definitive for most people.
Many hugs.
Yeah I just need the suck to be over since I’m getting my obviously getting a period signs.
I just wish I didn’t CARE so much. I hate that being a mom is the only thing I’ve always wanted and the only thing that I can’t seem to make happen by sheer grit and force of will.
I paid off a fucking house by 30 but I can’t make a fucking baby like ONE OF THESE IS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY.
