Kicking the kicker is just too much work.
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Omg. This scared me at first because it looked for a moment like she had a cast on her front right limb 
Then I read what you wrote. 
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Toilet view no one asked for.
For the record, the door was shut, but it doesn’t latch right and the cat throws her entire bodyweight into the door and until it opens so that she can come inside 
Then the dog follows. 
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I don’t have a bedroom or bathroom door right now, just curtains nailed up. They stop a couple feet from the floor and the animals are thrilled. They believe that all doors should have generous clearance under them.
Sprocket walks back and forth under the curtains so they pet him.
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This is so cute
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I saw that at first, too!
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Also Maple cat had her annual yesterday and needs to lose 2 pounds.
Day one of her diet is going great 
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I laughed out loud at her yelling at you. Mine does the same thing. Sending you the willpower to ignore her.
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I do a lot of poking fun at my pup for her stinkiness, her crusty-ness, her lumpiness, and her slightly bad behavior, but I don’t think I say often enough how pretty she is! 
This is such a dog owner thing to do, but I saw late last night that people in the neighborhood Facebook group were complaining about how bad the river smells right now, and I knew she would love it so I took her out there this morning for a couple hours of hiking/wagon time.
She was sniffing joyfully the whole time and I was definitely gagging because it certainly definitely smells like poop down there 
Edited to add: The “cat is on a diet” screaming continues as well……
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I really need to put one of my three cats on a diet. He is so fat. I love him exactly how he is but I know it’s not good for his health to be a gorgeous tubby ball of love and fur. I’m so bad at not giving in to his demands. He’s starving!
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That last expression. Like. HUman
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Yeah she is BIG MAD. And let me tell you. The reduction is like… 1tsp (not tablespoon) less per meal.
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We had to put Kitty on a diet last year because she was a tad too chonk. I upped her wet food by about two teaspoons and reduced the dry by as much. She’s still lost weight, because the wet food is less calorically dense, but with a lot less angry meowing than there would have been otherwise. Is a strategy like that available to you/of use?
You obviously know cat nutrition and Maple in particular a lot better than I do, so apologies if I’m oversteppin!
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No you’re good! She doesn’t eat dry food.
We use it as treats daily so she will have some crunch, but she doesn’t eat it as a meal (I brush her teeth to make up for the lack of friction).
I think the issue is that Dog moved to many small meals (like 5-6) throughout the day due to stomach issues, so Kitty did too, but my portions for her were too big.
They are the same physical size, but I tend to forget that Dog weighs 2x as much at her normal healthy weight. They don’t need similar potion sizes. 
Should be an easy fix, and she will eventually adapt. Honestly she screamed at me between meals before too, just a smidge less.
She is a hangy hangy baby 
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Ahhhh that makes it a non-winning strategy.
I too would be a hangy hangy baby.
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We put kugel on a diet and it was so damn hard. The main thing is we put the dry food in the slow feeder. But she dropped the couple pounds she needed and is back to “normal” kitty range
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Maybe I need a slow feeder. I’m just not sure how to put one cat on a diet in a house of three cats. The other two are perfect (weight wise, at least. Only my chonky baby is actually a truly perfect kitty. The other two, I have complaints.)
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I never successfully put a cat on a diet.
However, when I went gluten free, so did they, and I had fewer issues (still not zero) with overweight cats.
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