Oh you’re riiiight.
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But there’s likely to be a manager? Or at least a contact where someone could submit feedback on perhaps several words (so that it’s more general) that should no longer be in use.
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Possibly? But possibly not, a PT we used for a couple years for Kiddo was basically around four PTs and as far as I could tell they all shared office duties. There was no desk for a person doing just admin tasks. The whole place was like four rooms big.
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That’s the model for most of the peripheral medical people I see.
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Thanks for the advice everyone <3 and the compassion. I definitely would not risk going to HR even if they had one (IDK if they do) because I really really need her. I’ve heard some stories of that backfiring massively here because confidentiality is not kept. I’ll definitely consider the suggestions to bring it up more gently, I think @plainjane might be on the right track.
I agree with this and that is generally how I treat people. Like if someone asks my opinion but I can tell they don’t really want it/I don’t trust them in some way, I couch things a lot because…what’s the point? They haven’t really earned it so 
not my circus not my monkeys.
I was thinking, after reading all of these comments, I could be kind of tricksy and say, “hey it doesn’t bother me BUT you could get in trouble for saying that nowadays, just fyi bc my generation is so ridiculous about being woke”. That might help, because while I think as BJ pointed out helplessness can work for some people it usually doesn’t work for me unless the person is male. And I think she wouldn’t understand intuitively why it bothers me because most people don’t realize that visibly physically disabled kids are often assumed to also be developmentally disabled? I mean it would bother me anyway, but it would be less personal if I hadn’t actually been called that/treated that way. Like it’s such a jolt each time.
So I think if I do say something that’s the route. I really appreciate all the feedback. I wouldn’t have thought of doing it so many different ways without your replies. Most likely I will say nothing, because I am really worried about a change in treatment and I really really really need her. She has helped me a lot physically and if this is the worst part she’s still lightyears above most, so I can deal. I’m somewhat relieved (again) that there wasn’t a very obvious route I was missing out on.
Thanks again <3
ETA: oh and she is the manager
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Also re: this I mean…I get what you’re saying but there’s really no way to have it all. And physical health has to come first for me, unfortunately, when push comes to shove. Honestly she’s not half as bad as a lot of people I’ve dealt with, and at least she can actually do something helpful. I’ve been referred to in much worse manners while also getting worse care, so I know I seem unaware of it being bad but really it’s…like not that bad? The poem thing on the other doctor’s wall was way worse IMO, or being straight up called “deformed” for years, or being studied, sexually harassed, etc. So that’s why I’m not having a super intense reaction.
I don’t want people to think I just like, roll over and am an unaware helpless victim, because I really don’t see myself that way. I see what I’m doing as strategic and realistic when considering what the system is like as a whole. I have to work with how it is right now and this is how it is, if that makes sense? I do appreciate the concern though and I’m certain it comes from a place of love. <3
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Lil Bug has really been missing the grass she used to eat. Left to its own devices, it would grow up to a foot tall, and had tender blades about 1/4 - 3/8" wide. There was another variety that was not quite so tender; if you run your fingers along it in one direction it feels smooth but in the other it feels almost abrasive on one side.
Anyway, she likes to eat a little grass every day and the grass out here just doesn’t cut it. Every meal now she’s asking for some of my greens. Peas, kale, and lettuce are clearly unacceptable. Asparagus and green beans are kinda passable.
Are there any houseplants I could purchase that grow quickly (cuz they’re going to get eaten), are safe for cats, and will let her feel like she’s getting her greens? I will also need some semi-detailed directions on how to care for them. Mostly I have indirect light.
ETA: I think one of the grasses she likes it a type of foxtail, and the other may be a type of wheatgrass?
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Managing relationships with care providers is so tricky. If you find someone competent you put up with basically anything just to keep them.
That’s why I didn’t offer advice. In that situation I would do nothing, and complain to friends. Because what you get from her is so important.
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You’re making the best out of a lot of bad choices. Unfortunately. Glad we were able to help you brainstorm at least.
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This definitely sounds like a situation for a strategic friend to take offense (so it has nothing to do with you), but unless it happens to somehow come up at a given time a lobby/waiting room/something like that that probably doesn’t work. Any chance your husband is ever with you for any of these appointments and could have a script on the off chance it happens while he’s around?
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I like your advice because I’m already doing it! Haha, but seriously <3 thank you, your words mean a lot. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like there is an expectation that I take more action (complain, sue, etc.) but like, I really can’t handle taking on more than I’m doing right now, which I know you get. Plus she is really good at the actual PT part, lol. Gotta take the raisin with the cookie on this one.
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They already know what my husband looks like! Plus the way the waiting area is set up he wouldn’t be near where I’m actually getting adjusted and working out and stuff, so he couldn’t strategically overhear it. I like that you’re going heist style though, lol. Maybe we should build a replica and get the gang back together for one last go!
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I totally don’t see you as the first and 100% do see you as the second.
I let my disgust at her get in the way of logic and was daydreaming there was some miracle person in her office
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Fully 100% of people who use the r word for funzies are aware they aren’t supposed to be using it that way, they just don’t think it’s a big deal or it’s ingrained in their vocabulary and they haven’t bothered to take the energy to remove it.
I got Mr Darling to stop saying it (obligatory defense of him, he started saying it because he was playing online games with a bunch of people who were saying it and it slipped into his vocab while he was talking to them in the way speech patterns do) by telling him something along the lines of “you need to cut that out before you really hurt someone inadvertently and get yelled at.” I didn’t tell him I wanted him to stop, and I wasn’t the one who yelled at him. But reminding him that he was being a jerk to a nebulous “other people” worked in this case.
My wording is probably too aggressive for your situation, but the approach might work if it’s softened.
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IDK if that’s true! I mean growing up I heard it constantly and it weirdly bothered me less because I think it was just, everywhere? It’s more jarring now, for sure, like I lost immunity, lol. Also this could be a coincidence but I never heard anyone say it in the last city I lived in but I’ve heard it several times here, like right out in the open by highly educated people.
I try to give the benefit of the doubt in terms of not knowing better in part because of my own past foibles (“that’s gay!” -me, age 7*, about everything) and also because if I didn’t I’d be pissed off all the time, lol. Glad you got your DH to stop though, that’s great! 
*and lest anyone say “you were 7!” I was also a soloist in the nutcracker at 16. My role? Chinese dance. I did not wear racist makeup or a wig, but I did have chopsticks in my hair and the actual choreography is…uh, not great. I was totally unaware. It didn’t even give me pause. Hands down the cringiest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.
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I sometimes turn on movies/shows that I remember from when I was a kid when they show up on various streaming services, and occasionally it’s just…‘wait, they just said what?’ Stuff I didn’t remember and probably didn’t even notice at the time and obviously it was mainstream enough to be recorded in the late 80s/early 90s, but looking back now it’s very cringey.
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You can grow wheatgrass for cats! You can buy little pots of it at the pet store (might be a blend), that’s pricey but can get you going right away, but you can also buy cat grass seed blends like this:
(Botanical Interests is sold at lots of garden centers and I am sure there are other companies that have this sort of blend as well.)
My first cat liked to nibble on cat grass. I don’t know if I would give it to my current kittens it though, what with all the binging and then barfing they do with plants. 
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Absolutely recommending stuff I used to LOVE but haven’t read/seen in a long time fills me with fear. I want to share my love for things but I was so, so wholesale oblivious. There’s so much that I just would not have noticed or retained, at all.
@AllHat Im so sorry you’re waking the care versus advocacy tightrope. It’s a shitty hand to play. I’m reminded of Neil Gaiman’s thing about, to be good to work with you have to be 2 of 3 things. pleasant to work with, timely, or good. (I’m sure I’m butchering this paraphrase but probably most people have seen it). It’s so hard when someone is truly so good that you have to just roll with them being… not so lovely to work with. 
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@AllHat I would 100% do what you are doing and complain to friends. I even sat on it all day because when I studied ethics it became so clear our obligation to do something in most cases - but this is a 1:1 interaction where you are the vulnerable one and she provides medical care you can’t get anywhere else. You are not contributing to it by plugging your nose and carrying on.
Something I sometimes do in these kinds of cases is to pay a tax - like make a point of corre ting someone else in person or online, or post in a local group or put up a note in my apartment building when I had one. You could make a meme or donate to an advocacy group. You don’t have to do anything extra. But for me it can help me shake the regret and guilt and shame (and all of those can otherwise stick in your body and cause more pain)
Past me has done ick stuff, present me is doing better and hopefully future me does better yet
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I really love this concept. Like, fungible advocacy or something. I’ll keep this in mind any time I’m like “god I wish I had said something”. This is a good tool for shame spirals. Ty.
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