Glad I could be helpful! Theres an older version with more steps somewhere in the internet.
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Can anyone explain cats to me
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Which bit? The toe beans or the personality?
I just read an Atlantic article about how even vets who tell their patients to brush their cats teeth don’t brush their cats teeth because cats.
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Anyone have a recommendation for a Green Cleaning book? I have the Complete Idiot’s Guide, which I took out of the library. There’s some things there I’ll use, but a lot I won’t.
So, being me, that meant a book search. Did that. Came up with nearly 100 titles – just too many.
Hence the question!
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The hands on home by Erica Strauss. Bonus, she was an MMMer and is a lovely person.
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Never have I ever put a book on hold so fast.
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I brush my cat’s teeth. The vet was surprised. She was recommending dental treats and I asked was that necessary if I brush his teeth, and she said no.
Now that Claude is not the baby of the family anymore I think he really enjoys it as a time when he gets my full personal attention.
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Thank you!
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Could some of you assertive queens help me with a script? My PT says the word retarded as a pejorative* and every time it’s like a tiny stab. What do I say? I absolutely cannot risk jeopardizing my relationship with her, she is literally irreplaceable and impacts other areas of my care, so I want to be extremely soft touch. No promises on follow through but maybe if I have a sentence in mind I will get up the courage to say something. I did finally ask her to stop imitating my disability, and she did that, but she was defensive about it and was cold for a couple of sessions after that (which impacted my care- she did a lot less hands-on work with me for that time) so that is adding to my fear of speaking up.
*so I can’t just say “developmentally disabled is the preferred term now!”
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Hmm, maybe bring up the news about Queen Bae and Lizzo both choosing to edit recent songs that used a derogatory term (you would have thought Lizzo would have noticed when Beyoncé faced the issue a few weeks before Lizzo’s release). That might open the conversation about terms that used to be “OK”, but now are not.
Or tell a “story” about a friend of yours / spouse’s co-worker got in trouble at work for saying that word.
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I don’t have any advice, just here to be mad this is happening and that you can’t trust her to not take any simple requests to use respectful words out on you!!!
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For years now, I’ve been making one of her cocktails. It’s become my signature cocktail? I serve it at all my parties. I even put in a mason jar and brought it and cups for sharing to a park meet-up where we sat six feet apart during social distancing pandemic times. So it’s mine, but really it’s hers, now you all know. It’s the best! I’ve made other recipes of hers, too. They are great, she’s great. She’s trained as a chef so that makes sense. But homesteading is her niche, I guess.
Actually, I just remembered. She’s how I discovered MMM in the first place, which leads me to here, today. Wow.
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No advice just sympathy. Shitty situation no matter what you do.
This would make me hesitant to address it with her.
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Would a question approach work? Like “Just curious, why did you say [x] is [the r word]?” I dunno, maybe that would backfire and/or be too much emotional labor for you to take on? 
Is there anyone else in the office you can bring it up with? Cuz yeah I also feel iualia in being hesitant to address it
ugh I hate that you have to even think about this
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Agree with this. Send one of us in as a secret op, wait for her to do it, cause a big scene so she feels like she can’t say it anymore?
My mom makes fun of me for saying this all of the time, including in fraught situations, but I really think feedback is a gift? Something that has made my life easier is that if someone has shown me that they can’t handle the gift of my feedback, I won’t bother giving it to them. It sounds like this woman may not have earned the gift of your feedback.
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Things like this I find a personal appeal works best? So, avoiding requesting an overhaul (even though she SHOULD obviously), and making it a “you” problem? Definitely requires swallowing your pride to take this approach but it works best for people hypersensitive to criticism.
“Oh man do you mind if we work “the r word” out of your lexicon around me? My brothers are such assholes (whatever highly personal vulnerable excuse, real or imagined) and it’s just a hard one for me. I’d super appreciate it”
Sadly as I’m sure you’re aware the “poor me” approach can work better in some of these instances. And while I’d like to print banners for people like this, since you very much need something from her, it may be a win long term for you.
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“Huh, I haven’t heard someone use that term for a while now. It’s so interesting how language evolves, and really so quickly these days, isn’t it?”
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OMG AllHat that is an abusive relationship. That you are paying for. In multiple ways.
I personally, after the previous attempt leading to retaliation, would figure out how to file an anonymous complaint with her HR department. And I would include that a previous attempt to address her abusive and hostile and toxic behavior caused her to retaliate with more hostility.
But I tend to lean way on the side of giving people like that in healthcare exactly one conversation to be decent people and if it doesn’t work I will spend many many hours and energy doing whatever I can to get the issue addressed.
Is there any way someone could go with you, and they could be the one to address it directly?
She’s gross and it’s messed up that the system works in a way that she’s your current best option 
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Unfortunately since AllHat needs this PT, I have a feeling that HR getting involved regarding toxic behavior may mean that the PT ends up being cold to all of her patients and not giving the needed care.
But I was thinking in the case of the vocabulary, getting management involved anonymously wouldn’t be a bad idea. It’s a small enough issue that it hopefully wouldn’t derail any care and could be given as training to all the staff instead of singling out that one person.
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There might not be any HR to go to. Several of the PT places I know of or have interacted with only have a handful of employees and they’re basically all PTs.
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