I was watching Bluey for myself well before the toddler could request it. There’s a lot for adults to enjoy too!
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Great point. It’s a good conversation starter.
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My 2 favorite parenting books aren’t “parenting philosophy” books, and they’re kind of polar opposites:
- Adrian Kulp’s “We’re Parents! First Time Dad’s Guide to Baby’s First Year” - this is distilled down to the basics to keep the baby alive lol, and despite not being a dad I really liked that easy, matter-of-fact guide
- Lise Eliot’s “What’s Going on in There: Brain Development from 0 to 5” - somewhat dense but easy-reading book on early brain development… helped me understand what is going on developmentally, get excited/curious, and form my own “philosophy” from there.
Like @frogger I found that many IG accounts by nature are obsessed with one particular message or “brand”. I did find a few Instagram accounts helpful for basic info, but it was better for my mental health to follow for a few weeks and then unfollow once I’d absorbed 80% of their info. Solid Starts and Little Big Feelings were good ones, and rolandp90 (with older kids) is a reminder that parenting can be fun.
I found there was no substitute for talking to actual friend parents, so whether it’s a postpartum doula, this forum thread, IRL friends, or due date / parenting groups (or friends you might make or try to start via Buy Nothing or prenatal classes), hopefully you have a few people to turn to as you figure things out.
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I do this with most- deep dig for a while, get the gist, unfollow.
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We didn’t decide to coparent until ten weeks- so for the first chunk we did it all my way! And then we come from different backgrounds so there were a lot of things to work out!
I had done some research when relatives and friends used buzz words, and I like a lot of how my mum parented because I came out exactly perfect, plus I followed youtubers and bloggers who kept becoming parents before me. So my algorithm knew to show me floor beds and montessori activities and kids camping and cloth diapers and attachment parenting. And once I accepted a few links the algorithm provided more. I also asked for and received for Christmas, the Canadian guide to babies (written by sick kids docs) - so if I had an urgent question I asked the book instead of googling and evaluating a source.
Our big thing is that if we disagree with the other person and it isn’t an urgent danger we back them up and discuss later without kids. We also try to agree on goals and big things but let each one do things a bit differently.
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Oh! And for approaches, I use the philosophy of take what is useful snd throw out the rest
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I think this is VITAL esp in parenting resources. There will always be stuff that doesn’t fit. That doesn’t mean you can’t get anything of value.
Not replying to Elle, in general: I think it’s also important (and hopefully self evident but worth remembering) that even people who accept their own labels rarely are like, rank and file followers of a certain style. In real life it’s ALL mix and match to various degrees. For any camp, there will be loud and unneeded gatekeepers online who say you have to be a purist, but IME that’s not reflective of people in real life and those people have some shit going on I think 
And one misc thought I had- don’t mistake liking someone’s parenting style for them having an easy kid 
I’ve actually made this mistake myself, some friends we really admired before we had kids I realized they just had a super easy first child. Between mine being a bit on the challenge end of the spectrum, and them having a second and having their wheels fall off, I realized a lot of what I thought was masterful parenting was just… a supremely easy kid. that being said, finding people who’s parenting style you mesh with is such a valuable way to learn to parent, as long as it’s more about “how are they, internally, parenting” and less about “do I like the way their kid is” cuz it turns out those are super different things. I hope that made sense 
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And if it doesnt make sense, it sure will a few years in to parenting …
Duckling was easy. Like, sure, theres challenges, but on the very loose multifaceted “easy ==>==> hard” scale, he’s easy. People would compliment my parenting but i know more than others and I would scream at them that he was an easy child. (Internal screaming mostly, but it was so hard when a parent is breaking down over what are they doing wrong and im like nothing. Nothing at all. We just have different kids). Pumpkin? Also easy. Other kids I know? Hard, for so, so many reasons (what do you do when your 2 year old is so tall and strong they can bust through multiple childlocks? What about the kid who climbs literally anything? The one who melts down for an hour and tries to self harm?) This is all about the long game and helping out other parents. No judging. Support only.
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Yes and to be clear I didn’t move to judging my friends parenting- it was more just the realization that a kids good behavior and a parent being laid back and low intervention all the time isn’t actually the mark of “these are useful and important goals and methods” that I thought it was. Led to a reckoning of my goal posts. While in theory before that I would have said “of course a compliant child isn’t the highest goal of a parenting method!” That was still what I was seeing as the measure of success in others without realizing it.
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The Boy and I did.a whole Love and Logic course recommended by BB’s therapist and we actually didn’t agree with a lot of it, but talking about the why’s was really useful.
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Lol that’s how I felt reading through Fair Play recently. A ton of friends had recommended it and I actually didn’t really like it beyond a couple key concepts. But talking about why I wasn’t liking it still led to super useful conversations with Husband!
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I laughed and laughed (to myself, at my phone screen) when a parent dropped into a toddler group all like “IDK why all of you are having such trouble with your toddlers and listening, meltdowns, etc. I just do XYZ and my 12m old never has a tantrum.” And all the battle-hardened parents of 2-3year olds were like “Oh, your kid is 12m? Winter is coming.”
Which is to add that an easy-mode baby can be the mere calm before the storm. And conversely a hard-mode baby can turn into a chill toddler. And that’s as far ahead as I’m looking because who knows what 4, 3, or even 2.5 has in store for me.
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The absolute chillest kid I know was a colicky baby. After he was like 4 ish months though? Such a calm happy easy tot. It’s wild. It’s also worth bearing in mind with the labels. A hard kid may not always be hard, an easy kid may not always be easy. Latte has certainly had harder and easier phases. (Shoutout to Blippi giving a tour of an aquarium for single handedly helping me survive 18+19 months 
)
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That’s us! Except we had a challenging ~ 18 months and now he’s a much easier nearly 3-year-old.
For @noodle I think it’s helpful to make time (easier said than done) every once in a while to re-evaluate your parenting philosophy as you learn who your child is and also who you are.
I also thought of one of my favorite excerpts from Cribsheet on discipline:
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Oh man, I wanna know what Jenna’s mom said!
ETA: reevaluation is a really good point! I think a lot of angst occurs trying to keep to a set of “rules” by a method that are clearly just not a good fit (another reason why I discard attempts at labeling a parenting philosophy for myself).
Values are not wedded to specific methods. Each member of the family is going to need different things at different times, which is fine as long as the overall strategy is consistent with those values and goals.
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I have 2 random postpartum questions.
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My wrists hurt. Has anyone else experienced postpartum wrist pain? Is something wrong with my breastfeeding posture? Maybe it’s holding my phone while nursing?
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Is 5 weeks too early to be thinking about routine/schedule? We are usually getting her ready for bed at around the same time every night but everything else is ad hoc. Favorite resources for information like, how long a baby at each age will normally stay awake before sleeping again, things like that? Obvs. every baby is different, but it would be nice to have an idea as a starting place.
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Two things could be a play. The fluid shifting could kick off carpal tunnel, or yes how you’re holding baby for nursing and how you’re holding your phone can also play a big role. You can look up mommy wrist/mommy thumb, it’s a very annoying name but it’s easier to spell than the actual name.
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For norms by age I really appreciated precious little sleep the book. We didn’t really end up using any of her programs for sleep training or anything like that, but the just what to expect when was immensely helpful as a reference
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Seconding Precious Little Sleep!!
She has a blog with most of the information but the book is laid out in an easier to find way.
My experience and that of two close friends (babies 4-22 months old) is that 5-6 weeks is exactly when everyone begins asking this question but there’s not much to do besides following baby’s cues until closer to 8-10 weeks. But, Precious Little Sleep has good info on wake windows.
I also liked the huckleberry app. Once baby is 8 weeks old, if you put in the start and stop of their nap time they will learn and predict optimal wake windows. I liked being ayto outsource that thinking and just say “oh, time for a nap! The app decrees it!”
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I am prone to wrist pain and it was worse post partum. I always find that icing it and a soft brace help the most.
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