This is my son’s dad.
It worked 
by all measurable factors.
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Huh, really? I didn’t know timeouts were considered possibly bad.
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My child psych family member photocopies chunk of psych textbooks and studies for me to read… I would be a far less anxious parent if I wasn’t aware of how pretty much everything everyone (including me) does wrong 
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I definitely think it may be one of those “case by case” things. For some kids, a time-out has no long lasting effects at any age. For some, it’s going to be useful at some ages, useless at others and mildly damaging at others. Duckling is a kid for whom time outs are NOT OK AT ALL. I didn’t realise it, but we’ve been using “time ins” to generally good results, so I’m going to read up on those more to understand how to use them effectively. That will make them a tool I can call on when I’m about to scream (which is something I know doesn’t work, sigh, on my own experience from both sides of it).
I really appreciate this discussion, I was totally overwhelmed and feel like I’ve got more resources on my side/ trust that it’s going to take another 30 goes for him to get the idea.
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I think for a lot of kids, repetition of the same consequence is needed. One tiny variation and it’s now a fascinating game to try to figure out how to make other new reactions happen.
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When do kids get big enough that you can just put them down for 10 minutes? Is it when they turn 6 months and it’s less bad to let them cry?
Because it gets harder every day to take my contacts out with baby… and that is my thing I do most days to feel human and like my own person.
Obviously sometimes I just put him down and let him cry while I do it. But it would be cool if I didn’t know I was causing psychological harm by removing contacts or putting on the baby wearing thingy
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Look at the debates around sleep training maybe? I personally highly doubt 10 minutes at any age would matter.
This is entirely unhelpful but I remember my son having what my MIL called “The three foot rule”. He had to be held, and he had to be three feet above the floor so you couldn’t even sit down and hold him a lot of the time. That first year (even aside from the health issues we found out about later) was the biggest reason we were hesitant about trying for a second kid, especially the first six-ish months. We made lots of use of the swing and it turned out that running water/bath time helped calm him down when he really worked himself into a snit.
But yep, sometimes babies just leave you with no good choices. Feel unhuman because of contacts/lack of contacts, or feel like a jerk for making the wee one cry. Hugs for both of you.
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yes to all of this. I still want 6 more though
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I’m a neurobiology/neurodevelopment nerd
As a mom and brain nerd I’m opposed to sleep training infants
But in my opinion setting 
down and talking to him while he cries is A-OK and will not trigger trauma responses in brain development even though he will be uncomfortable and upset. The difference is hearing and smelling you and knowing you’re still there even though his wants are not being met immediately.
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Interesting…so towel on the bathroom floor is better than the crib in the bedroom when I’m hygieniing
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If he’s crying to the point of that hysterical hiccup panic sounding cry, yes, from what I remember in textbooks and casual conversations with neuropsych doctors.
All babies are a little different of course. Some are fine alone until they notice they’re alone. Others want tactile proof parent is present.
The latter tend to be a little (ok a lot) harder for primary parent as infants but they all turn out fine 
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Unscientific response: I read somewhere that it’s probably impossible to parent a baby without them crying at least a little, sometimes. Babies cry. A few minutes is okay to attend to your bodily needs if it’s the “mildly displeased with my circumstances right now” cry. I do not doubt for a second that is very well cared for, he will be okay if you need a few minutes in the bathroom. 
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Yeah…try surviving a colicky baby without a LOT of crying. Parents and baby, lol.
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With the caveat that Bobbin is generally a very happy person and was a very happy baby, our circumstances with H’s work hours meant that if I wanted to shower she had to cry sometimes. So I’d let her lay on a blanket on the bathroom floor (pre rolling) and she’d either cry a bit or hang out on the floor super jazzed with her own hands or something. Eventually I borrowed a mamaroo from a friend and she’d hang out in that which allowed me normal bathroom breaks or to microwave a meal. There’s no avoiding crying, it is absolutely ok to let them cry for just a few moments while you do something you need to do for yourself.
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While Meer’s family had the three foot rule, we remind ourselves that life is tragedy and all ills require panic crying. he is the sweetest happiest baby, he just needs cuddles
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Like Bobbin, our little one is generally pretty happy most of the time, but we definitely let him cry for little spurts in the crib to see if he’d settle himself from basically birth (not a long time, not like sleep training) and then for little bits when we needed to put him down to feel human.
I feel like it’s good for the parents, fine for the kid, and also a good lesson in knowing that everyone has needs and sometimes we have to wait for things. I’d vote definitely okay to let a kid under 6 months cry in a swing/bouncer/seat/on a blanket for <10 minutes while you do whatever you need.
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Have any of you done extensive research on fancy jogging/biking strollers? I was asked to throw in my opinion of the thule chariot cross vs urban glide, and my YouTube research seems to imply that I want the chariot cross + infant sling +cupholder AND a thule spring for the bus and shopping and stuff.
Also, hypothetically, if you’d just sent/been sent a link to a $50 ring after discussing engagement, could the person with low ring budget desires then ask for about 3-6 luxury strollers from YouTube? And maybe a new tent?
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New partner is obviously a new parent, and I got them extra sweat pants and s t shirt as spares at our house for a birthday gift, but had to give them extra early due to a horrific multi fluids mess. What extra gift could we get for a new dad? Not enough time for delivery…we have a basic grocery store, beer store, pharmacy and tim Horton’s within walking distance all still open. I’m also the cheap one in the relationship by a factor of about 100, so please push me to spend money
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We got our New Dad (Ponder, almost 3 years ago) a super fancy coffee to keep him awake, and an aeropress. Does your New Dad like tea or coffee or a similar beverage?
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