With that experience, I can see why you’d feel wary and not want it for your own kids.
We are also the auntie/uncle for our closest friends, first name for everyone else.
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Family friends were more consistent than actual family a lot of times over here.
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Oddly enough I only have one remaining aunt that I still talk to. So it’s not like my real family was super consistent either. I’m not sure why I feel so strongly about it. Possibly because I take my relationship with my own nieces and nephews really seriously, and put a lot of effort in there. 
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Wow, our 5 year old is becoming, like, VIOLENTLY angry when we oppose him. Screaming and yelling and throwing boxes from 0-60 in no time if I ask him to stop doing something that’s hurting me, or to stop dressing his sister because it’s time for bed. It’s WHILE we’re doing things, too, so it’s not that I’m not giving him any attention. Does anyone have resource suggestions?
ETA - possibly he’s just really tired because this is week 3 of Kindergarten, but I still need to figure out how to head this off. I am not enjoying this. He just flipped an armchair in his bedroom.
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School is a big adjustment, kids use up all their “being good” at school so they’re running on empty in the evenings. I saw one teacher comment recently that it takes about six weeks for kindergarteners to really settle in, I’ve heard others say three weeks.
Any chance you can operate on easy mode for a few weeks? Maybe read some extra books about feelings at bedtime (maybe books about school if that would help process, but not if it would just be a reminder of Ugh School - use your judgement there).
This doesn’t help you now, but one tip I heard forever ago was to have the first weekend of the school year be as boring as possible to give kids some buffer as they shut to a new school year. That’s one I intend to follow, though there pay two years that hasn’t really required any real effort on my part.
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Ha, making weekends boring did not happen. Whoops. Easy mode after he comes home is easier to implement, theoretically. Thanks for the suggestion.
I have definitely heard that about using up all of their “being good”, and I expected some tantrums, but the throwing and hitting and flipping chairs/boxes is new and unexpected. I don’t know how to deal with it when he doesn’t want a hug, he just wants to be angry, but it’s dangerous. It feels like he’s on a hair trigger and I never know what’s going to set him off.
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Those are some HUGE emotions. My sister was a really clear case of using up all her emotional regulation at school, but I don’t think she was violent, just really, really shouty/ screaming/ crying. I think there’s some emotional regulation ideas at seed.and.sew on Instagram. They also have ideas on connection and how to build more autonomy into your kid’s day, which we’re working on to help with refusal to go to kindy & refusal to use the toilet at the moment.
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I’ll second the Seed and Sew recommendation - you might talk with your kiddo sometime when they’re calm about things they can do when they feel those big emotions. All of the ideas below can be great but you kind of have to get the right one because you want it to be calming and not dysregulating, and suggesting lots of ideas at the time is definitely pretty dysregulating.
Big Little Feelings on IG talks about ANGRY CHALKING and Seed and Sew has a lot of nervous system regulation ideas like swings, carrying heavy things, going upside down, hiding in a 'dark cave". I think Busy Toddler has had great success with lego or popsicle baths for this kind of thing.
Our kiddo is coming home from daycare really exhausted and we’ve been just letting him watch TV when he gets home. He zones out in front of train videos and I think he really needs the zoning out. I realize TV isn’t supposed to be great for the nervous system, but it seems to be really helping him catch his breath.
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This has been the case with Latte too- even 10 min of a happy chill video and she’s a new kid. It’s crazy. She wakes up in a horrible mood from nap a lot of days. So upset she won’t eat lunch, can’t redirect to anything for a damn. but a little screen time has helped immensely.
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How the fuck do I get my kid to stop holding his shit in and JUST POOP
He has miralax
He has water and apple juice and Pedialyte
No dairy. Lots of fruit. Lots of beans…
We are removing bread entirely.
I can see him literally squeezing his little cheeks together and focus with all his might to NOT POOP
I bought him too books on reluctant pooping coming tomorrow.
I just…I don’t know man. I don’t know.
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Steve Hodges is a doctor who specializes in stool withholding behaviors in children. Might look into his stuff! I know my friend who had a lot of struggles with her oldest (chromosomal abnormality, SPD), saw a ton of progress with his methods. I haven’t dug in heavily.
Sorry you’re facing this. It’s shitty, pardon the pun.
ETA here’s his website: https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/
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Boy PDM hasn’t achieved toilet poos yet but is happy to nappy shit. We’ve been showing him this video:
And using the language to encourage him to help his poo get to pooland.
Even if it doesn’t help, it’s kind of fun?
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I don’t know at all.
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I am no help but watching a unicorn shit rainbow poop is fun.
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Well this is terrifying haha. Giving my kid enemas every day for 30 days? God almighty
Ok! We have a plan from the pediatrician!
In case anyone is struggling with kid poops, Boston Children’s Hospital GI docs are all recommending oral medication in the place of suppositories or enemas to avoid trauma for kids (and honestly everyone involved lmao). Effects are the same, but need to be treated aggressively and consistently, so don’t delay if your kid gets constipated regularly.
ETA: @Bracken_Joy since I know you have some social anxiety like me… I was so grateful for your post because I didn’t know constipation could cause longer term problems, and it prompted me to get my doc involved! You are great
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Thank you, this is extremely helpful! I was going to buy the book to see if there was any behavioural tips since Duckling is 4+ years old and still in nappies for peeing.
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Thanks for sharing this! DD gets mildly constipated and we give her a bit of oral meds from time to time. It’s good to know that is the best option!
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We had great success with prune juice mixed with juicy juice in a non see through sippy cup. Since we rarely offered juice, the all you can drink option was eagerly received.
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We had a good conversation about laxatives, and my pediatrician assured me that consistent use of laxatives like miralax, which bring water to the digestive tract, are ok to use consistently versus, say, ex lax, which can affect tone and ability to poop by yourself it used to often.
Man, I am gonna miss this doc!
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