yes this is so true!
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Thank you this is exactly what I needed to hear 
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All of this. I’ve been reading this like… little ones are hell bent on mayhem, much of which is dangerous to both themselves and others. The parental brain cells can’t turn off because the parental brain cells are always monitoring to minimally prevent the garbage being dumped all over the kitchen, and maximally to prevent all sorts of much worse scenarios.
Parenting is hypervigilance.
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So before SAHM life I was a pediatric nurse, and I always used to “joke” to families that I was “professionally paranoid”. Literally, a critical skill in my job was looking around being like “hmm will her vent tubing catch on that shelf there? Do I ask them to rearrange? Hmmm those cords are daisy chained, that’s not safe at all” etc etc. The parallels to parenting are wildly applicable. A large amount of good parenting is looking around a space and being paranoid slash telling the future. Corner of my eye, I see Big put scissors on the edge of her table where Little can get them. Now, I must stay calm so as not to alert the Little (who will see where my attention is directed, and sprint to the danger) while watching to see if Big picks them back up again right away or abandons them. On and on- a billion tiny splits to your attention, even in a moment where the 5 year old is calmly doing art and the 2 year old is flipping through a book.
I will say, I’m not totally tense all the time. Little is a much easier kid than the big one was. And as the big one has gotten 4+ (she’s now almost 6!!) it’s gotten easier and easier. Either of them solo these days I can sometimes relax, and depending on the vibe them together I sometimes can.
I think it’ll improve with time. And depending on the disposition of your kid it’ll start sooner (2) or later (4+)
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To add to everyone it does get better! Now with a 4 and 7 year old I can confidently sit and read a book while they entertain themselves. Sure there’s messes and stuff but it’s way less imminent death. We live out in the country so they even can go outside while I watch from the window. It’s a massive improvement to like 3-4 years ago.
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I need advice on how to handle a kid and dog situation. My kids are 6 and 8 and they often play with our neighbor who is also 8. This is great, love it, want to encourage it. The problem is that neighbor has what I fear may be a dangerous dog.
This dog is a ~40 pound southern super mutt that they rescued about a year ago. He came to them extremely timid, they have never owned a dog before and they have 4 kids so their house is quite chaotic. He’s now not as timid but every time I see him he is clearly stressed and showing unhappy body language. He likes to chase and is a bit nippy and their 8 year old plays games with him that encourage this behavior and also make him go wild.
So, what can I do? I want my kids to play with this kid, but I do not want them around that dog. Maybe it’s just my anxiety but I’m having visions of one of my kids getting bit in the face and being mentally and physically scarred. I have already spoken to my kids about not playing games with the dog and I also encourage the whole group to play at our house. Is there anything else? Am I overreacting?
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Absolutely not. It sounds like you’re spot on, and there’s a risk there. Those sound like all the right things. Idk. Short of also talking to the parents, I’m not sure what else you can do.
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Having owned a 40 pound (and later 60 pound when she was full grown) dog as a first time dog owner, and as a parent - you’re absolutely not overreacting.
What kind of relationship do you have with the parents? Would they be open to “hey I stumbled across a youtube video that made me think of you” kind of approach? I found this one, she talks about nipping around 2:45 and compares it to when a kid says “mom, mom, mom, MOM, MOOOM!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEMLgcuyWBQ
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They seem to think it’s cute or funny and also seem to have 0 ability to read dog body language. I had to reprimand their kid in front of them and explain that the dog was unhappy (I did it gently) and parents were oblivious. They are very laissez-faire in general, “everything will work out!” kind of people, where as I’ve got a back up plan for my back up plan. It’s hard to talk to them about anything.
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Would you like resources about managing kids this age and more reactive dogs, or do you feel like you’re already familiar? Many parents wouldn’t know what to look for body language wise, so it sounds like you’re more knowledgeable than average. I have no personal experience with this situation but do have resources from our behavioral vet I could share.
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Oh boy. That does make it hard. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things within your control at this point.
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Sure, more info can always help!
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Sounds good, I will dig around and get back to you in the next day or two. It’s been something I’ve been meaning to do anyways, more to come.
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Definitely not overreacting, but I have no easy answers for you.
We recently had a dog/kid/chaos incident (lots of kid chaos with stomp rockets and an adult friend accidentally stepped on dog’s leg pretty hard, dog was surprised and instantly bit friend in the ankle, everyone including dog was embarrassed about it, he dropped a very mopey head in her lap, but it was a reality check) and now I make sure the dog is in a very separate space if there’s chaotic play.
How do you think they would react if you asked for the dog to be in a separate space when your kids are over? Indoors vs out, separate room, etc. From the dog owners’ end I think that would be easier to control than changing the way all the kids play with him, but that would all require them to acknowledge that the current situation is not good, and it sounds like they’re resistant to that.
Alternatively if you’re comfortable with it you could join and model some positive ways all the kids could play with / train the dog but I know that’s complicated too and would require your supervision.
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They are not very big on supervision over there, maybe because this is their youngest kid. I guess I will need to buck up and talk to them!
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Clean clothes matter, but babies don’t sweat or smell the way older kids do. If an outfit stayed dry and clean, it was normal to use it again the next day. Most parents just changed things when spit up or diapers made a mess. A gentle routine like that keeps laundry reasonable without being neglectful.
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Lighterweight waterproof or winter shoes/boots for kids? Bogs reviews? Kid ugg or similar reviews? (I know mukluks are amazing but $$$$)
We think there is proprioception and sensory stuff going on with B1’s wardrobe and especially shoes/outerwear but he can’t communicate it.
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Sigh. My child is chawing on the other kids at daycare.
Favorite board books about Not Biting Our Peers? Maybe with a side dose of Sharing Nicely And Asking For Space?
(she doesn’t bite at home and shares with us quite freely, so we’re going to work on her with continuing to share and work through big feelings and use her words as she develops them)
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Been there, almost got kicked out of day care of it (it got Real Bad for a while 
).
We read Teeth Are Not For Biting many times. We also picked up Hands Are Not For Hitting and Feet Are Not For Kicking at the same time. We read them many, may times. They’re all part of a collection called the Best Behavior series. I’m sure there’s other similar books about biting out there too these days. Oh, How Do Dinosaurs might have something but those are usually picture books and not board books.
Long term having the teeth/hands/feet books helped because at one point (well after the biting was taken care of) Kiddo asked for the Hands book a couple nights in a row and then told me another kid at daycare had been hitting him when the teachers weren’t looking, so he was able to advocate for himself in a roundabout toddler way.
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This might not be as waterproof as you need, but Ten Little’s fuzzy high tops are our winter shoes. They’re full leather sneakers so fine for regular wetness but not puddle stomping. My kids complain that every other shoe/boot pinch their feet, but not these.
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