What does the restlessness look like? It might affect my suggestions.
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Commenting so I come back to this!
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What have you tried so far: high energy, vs low energy interventions? Or, a write up of current bedtime?
FWIW bedtime was where Latte expressed all her angst about Luna being born. It was a battlefield for months once the novelty wore off. And she LOVES her sister and was so sweet to her allllll day. Then bedtime would come and the wheels. Came. Off. Think; me going pediatric psych hold so she couldn’t slam her head on the wall a couple of the nights. She was almost 4 when Luna was born, but just like. A point of ref. If it’s a new thing, it might not be about the thing itself.
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Okay. So with now 5yo we need to do lots of things, and his OT had suggested even more things.
Current recipe for success
Dinner
Outdoor time at or past sunset minimum 15 minutes
Straight to bath or brush teeth
Snack outdoors or in bath if needed
Water allowed in bedroom
Pyjamas, story in the dark with a flashlight, lights out or allowed to read in bed. Parent checks vibes on staying in to coregulate or needing to leave if we’re too exciting
Melatonin at 930 if failing, OR back outside OR flashlight snack.
When winter comes back we are just fucked for lots of months but at age 2 could swaddle in a blanket and go out.
Outside of bedtime
- Avoid sleeping in/have a consistent wake time. May need to fix before consistent bedtime.
-Get that morning sunlight for at least ten minutes - can be a messy craft or reading or breakfast if we are an anti exercise kid - magically anticipate and meet all sensory needs (quiet time, loud time, OT exercises, sand or slime or water (bath works); deep pressure (G or water or in bed cuddles)
B1 used to need excitement after story - videos (don’t judge), silly stories, silly songs. If calm is ramping the kid up try exciting
Ideas you need medical/paramedical help for
-magnesium/melatonin
-weighted blanket or stuffy
Other ideas that didn’t work for us or stopped working
- heavy exercise before bed
- Craft time before bed
- Talking about our days before bed
- Countdowns
- Routine charts
- Snack between outdoors and bed
- Sleep stories
- Changing bedroom temperature
My second was eye opening at how easy his sleep was. Like you can do a routine and then they lie there and sleep? Missing a cue by 30 seconds doesn’t derail your week?
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My ten year old kid will sometimes say he has too much energy/wiggles in his body and ask for a dance video, we like DJ Raphi for this. I establish in advance how many videos (at least two, sometimes three, occasionally more but this is very rare because those are usually the nights I’m just DONE and don’t have the patience). My kid being old enough to articulate is a blessing, I know that’s not going to happen with a two year old.
For us we’re able to do books after the dancing, but that might mean me reading out loud while he plays with toys on the floor because even post-dance he’s not ready to just sit.
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I notice a big difference if my kids have gotten enough time to run around outside during the day or not (park/dog walk before school, playground during school, playground or outing after school – if they get 2 of 3 they’re usually good). So that’s the first place I would look.
Is she outgrowing her nap length?
Also, my older kid (around age 3+) would sometimes tell me he had too much energy as he was lying in bed. Me: “Ok, then stand up and let’s jump up and down 7 times, get all the wiggles out.” I don’t know why but it worked.
My 2 yo was doing well with an extra story (not a book, a story I made up) after lights out. But he recently started inserting himself into the story and getting too excited 
so we need a different strategy now.
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Thanks all! The confusing part for me is not much correlation between physical activity + bedtime restlessness which makes it feel like reading tea leaves! I definitely see that clear correlation with my oldest 3.5 yrs, no question .
Good reminder @Bracken_Joy about new changes impacting , good to keep in mind for my personal patience levels for the process. Feels like it’s been enough time but it really hasn’t when I look at it from the outside.
Unable to focus right now well enough to type out everything we tried/do but @ElleP sounds like similar vibes and will try some things new things you’ve mentioned
I forgot to mention that I have succeeded in extricating myself from her bed and I can sit in a chair and hold her hand next to her (once actually settled) so that is a big win but ready to start working on the next phase so all the ideas are helpful
Sorry can’t specifically respond to all but really appreciate the brainstorming thank you !
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I think (unfortunately) that separation and sleep is also just really hard for some kids. My daughter is 5 and we’ve been back and forth between holding a hand outside of the bed vs snuggling to sleep vs trying to leave the room completely for years. As she’s gotten older, having a podcast playing a bedtime story or soft music has helped but we tried that at 2 with very limited success.
I think @Economista has one kid who would really benefit from sharing a room/bed with their sibling and the other kid is the opposite. Maybe if both of your kids would sleep well then the 2 and 3.5 siblings could sleep together?
With my daughter it feels like she over-processes her day at bedtime (hello anxiety, I have it too!) and we get a lot of big deep questions as she’s trying to fall asleep. Having a two-way baby monitor right next to the bed helps us because she can ask questions or tell us things and we can respond without her getting out of bed.
At 2 sometimes I tried to narrate her day after lights out to help her process. First we did X and it was so much fun! We had a tricky moment around Y and that’s ok, we all have tricky moments. I would end with something like “that was a busy day and your body is starting to feel tired. It needs rest now so that it can have another fun day tomorrow.”
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Noooooo don’t say that sitting calmly In a dark room is my least favorite part of parenting 
yes they do share a room already and I like that! (Exhibit A of minimizing my time sitting in dark rooms: one bedtime location)
I like the day processing/narrating idea that’s cool!
As with everything I have to improve my parental mindset around it as well, sigh… exude calm… ha
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My phone really is a godsend for this, and wearing one ear bud. Podcasts, reading a book in night mode, puzzle games in dark mode. My kid had a lot of separation anxiety at bed time for several years on and off (as some of my friends could tell you, they’ve had to listen to a lot of my complaining) but it is improving over time as he grows and matures.
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I do this with Mo and it seems to help her.
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This might be a silly question. I’ve read if your kid falls from over twice their height you should always go to the er. Is that twice their height at their feet or head?
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It depends on surface and the part they hit when they land. That’s a rule of thumb if you didn’t see them fall/ can’t rule out head. But it’s twice total height. Ie if they’re 2’ tall, then a 4’ drop.
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To make things even more confusing, I have been told specifically not that advice: Bernito has fallen off a bed and down a flight of stairs, and I was told not to bring him in either time.
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It would have been great if he danced to dance videos. Nope! Things like Danny Go videos were one of few ways he could keep his brain and body still enough to sleep. Now he at least knows the goal even when he can’t do it
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I like that we have videos as a tool when we need them even if our kids react differently to them.
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Agree
Lice email from daycare. Do I need a nit comb? I am itching now.
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Yes, and I would also recommend preemptively looking for the phone number of one of those lice specialists. We have one locally that will come to your house and inspect everyone in the family and do the treatment. We somehow managed to avoid lice when daycare had a persistent case that lasted for weeks. A bunch of the other parents hired the specialist and had her treat their kids as a group and the daycare ended up hiring someone as well to inspect the kids in the morning.
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Was the specialist expensive? I’m sure this exists in Chicago
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