Yes, we do this and I get an aggressive massage chair during the flight and spouse gets to entertain the child.
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We usually do 3 and 1 so the kids can share a tablet for movies and also play together a little. We also trade off so one parent is on and with the kids in one direction and the other is on in the other direction.
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What are you doing when in a communal play area and another kid pushes or hits your kid or grabs something from them and their guardian isn’t intervening, either because they are there and don’t do anything or because they aren’t physically or mentally sufficiently present to recognize the aggression happening?
If it’s because Mo like, went and took a toy from another kid, I’ll give the toy back to the kid and remove her and tell her not to take toys people are playing with. Maybe a please don’t shove if the kid was aggressive in response.
If it’s just Mo minding her own business, I waffle on:
- Remove Mo
- Tell the kid not to hit/shove firmly but not meanly (depends on kid’s age). Don’t love this mostly because I don’t want to be trying to parent other people’s kids
- Wait/watch see if it stops before resorting to the other two (depends on other kid’s age/behavior and ability to actually hurt her)
- Get the attention of the other kid’s adult and ask them not to allow their kid to hurt other kids (I’ve been to chickenshit to do this on the rare occasion I can actually tell who is responsible for the other kid)
I feel like I missed a memo where we’re just letting our kids hit others now without even a “hey don’t do that”???
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I moved over to if we want a village we act like a village.
“Uh oh, hands are not for hitting. Hitting hurts. You can xxxx instead”
I think we actually tried to make parents responsible for too much. So of course I am going to dissociate because I need a break. I am dissociated from parenting right now.
So just parent the other kid too, but you can model for mo “we don’t play with kids who hit”
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Yep, what @ElleP says!
If it was toy grabbing, I would intervene and say “oh, Mo was playing with that. When she’s done you can have a turn.”
As they get older my approach has changed but when they are little I usually parented the kid if their caregiver wasn’t. I never got crap for it but if I did I would have asked them to remove their child from our play area if they didn’t want me talking to their kid.
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uh oh, we all need to take our turns! Mo is still playing with XX, but when she is done we will give it to you!
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Ok thank you for validating I can tell other kids to like, not do the thing they are doing. I guess I’m aware of ways in which other people “parenting my kid” would not be okay depending on style (like screaming at or spanking her would be crossing a line) or values (like insisting on clearing her plate, not getting dirty, or anything because it is or isn’t “ladylike”), so I don’t want to cross some boundary I may not see.
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I try to approach with, like, a problem-solving perspective, like a facilitator? You do what you gotta do. I have to tell other people’s kids what to do all the time in my professional capacity. I can’t guarantee you’ll never make anyone mad but I think most of us would just be like, I got distracted for a minute there, thanks for having my back.
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So the getting dirty one we get a lot/see other parents correcting their own kids (and wearing shoes, not eating nature).
“It’s okay, we wear our play clothes and get messy, but thank you for watching out for us”
“He’s okay “you’re fine B2, you don’t have to wear shoes at this park but at some parks and inside buildings you have to”
Once covid lifted we had to suddenly learn a LOT of different families do it different ways. And whenn(if?) mo goes to school they’ll be exposed to new ways without you there and need to understand all that.
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Ugh true. I have to get over a little of my control freak stuff eventually.
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Yeah I would fully expect another parent to step in and tell my kid to play nice if I wasn’t paying attention or they were just there first. We haven’t had anything else happen yet and I’m sure I have a vague memory of saying something to another kid and the parent being like “yeah nah its ok” (probably something dangerous to my smaller child that was fine for their larger one)
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I also like parenting my own kid (even a baby) louder in these situations. “Oh Mo, you didn’t like that he took that toy from your hands. Let’s use our words to say please give that back and wait your turn.” Or some such
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We ended up doing 2 and 2. I let my husband make the decision because he’s generally the preferred parent and he’d more than likely be stuck with both kids. We’ll trade off who sits next to the 2 year old (who is the crankier traveler).
We’ll see if we keep this arrangement for the way back.
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Chickadee is 4 months old and waking up at least 5 times a night ever since we dropped the swaddle over a month ago (she started rolling onto her side very early). She was down to one hour chunks (so 8+ wakeups) for a couple weeks, but last week started lengthening back into her usual 2-3 hour chunks. So not amazing sleep but on the shitty end of age appropriate. However, the last few nights she’s also decided to add “waking up for an hour or more” in the middle of the night, and tonight is back to 1 hour chunks PLUS the long awake time. She’s also starting to eat MORE at night, not less, after having made some little steps towards eating less at night.
We are understandably dying.
Anyone else experience this and have tips? She goes down fine at bedtime. We use the white noise machine and a dark room. She is still cuddled to sleep at night - drowsy but awake rarely works for her. She doesn’t really take the pacifier; most of the time she really is hungry, not just wanting to suck. Naps are hell to get her down, she needs motion, but she does nap 30-40 minutes in her crib.
CIO sleep training is on the table, though not our first preference.
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When she wakes up have you tried just waiting a couple minutes to see if she settles herself? Not full on cry it out but just a beat before getting up to do what she needs. Sometimes they wake up and cry for a minute and then are like jk I’m good and go back to sleep.
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Is she wearing a sleep sack? I think that helped Ravioli with the swaddle transition. (But I will never know bc he cannot tell me.) I’m so sorry. This is hell!
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Our doctor told us to start solids early (which I do NOT recommend) and do cereal before bed. Maybe 2 feeds really close together before bed and doing a dream feed? My kids less so, but I think @LadyDuck ’s kids still wake up hungry in the night. Mine still often need a last minute big meal right before bed (like bath porridge). I can’t remember your feeding system but if bottles are on the table, 6h sleep shifts. I still have to do sleep shifts or divide and conquer when my kids are sick.
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Added to the others- outside time/natural light/baby free body time?
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This was Mo until I did gentle sleep training with her. Highly recommend not waiting until 6-8 months like I did.
I can see if I can dig up the official method I used or send my own from my brain what I remember. I was also given a lot of in crib soothing techniques I have vids for somewhere.
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I am tipless but just want to say that for babies on timelines, 4 months is big time. Many many friends went through sleep regressions with babies at 4 months give or take. I just want to comment with a) solidarity and b) it will pass. Do what you must to survive but do not feel like what you try means you are now committed to it forever.
Hopefully this is helpful. I know for me in the throes of things it often felt like if I did something once I was signing up to do it for all eternity- that’s not true. You can try it once or for ten days and then go back. They don’t remember.
Many many hugs. This shit is so hard.
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