I really liked “ready, set, go” by ockwell smith. It goes over biological norms and stuff which would be a big help for expectation setting (ie a potty trained 18 month old is a different expected accident rate than a potty trained 3 year old, etc) For the love of god avoid “oh crap potty training” which is one of the most sexist drivel piles you can imagine, per a good friend. (I have it a skip at that review lol)
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How tf do you manage to make potty training sexist???
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“Even your husband can manage that!” 
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O.o
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Ew. That’s the grossest thing in a potty training book, and that’s a high bar.
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I would say that those parts are terrible but it is a more thorough discussion of 3 block (not 3 day) training than any other including issues.
There’s also a chance that no one discusses that Mo right be ready to poop but not pee, or that she can feel but not control. The mom psychologist has a book too, I think it was good.
Remember that each person with a book is selling their method and has to make absolute statements. But kids are different. And anyone claiming every 18mo is ready or no kid is ready till 3 is bull.
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Yes, but this is Why I really liked Stress Free Potty Training. It’s very upfront that there’s no one perfect way and that kids are different. There’s an intro chapter with some general strategies that tend to work well for most people and then four different chapters on various methods with pros and cons discussed that are aligned to specific kid personalities (there’s a quiz at the beginning to help categorize your kid and an acknowledgement that some kids will fit into more than one category and apply things as they work best for you).
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I was thinking that book sounded cool when I read your post but it had exited my brain by the time I finished mine
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My 2 kids were direct opposites on this (one did poops first, the other did pees first, and it was months to a year before they could consistently do the other one). Potty training contains an absurd amount of different skills all being learnt at different rates.
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Oooooo
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If you give your kid a meal with 3 things and they eat all of one thing and a little of the other two and ask for more of what they ate all of do you give them more or try to get them to eat the other stuff?
In this case the thing she wants more of is cheap, easy, and healthy - pinto beans straight from the can.
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Yes I give her more! If it’s something full of sugar sometimes I say “oh, we don’t have any more of that right now!” but otherwise I trust that she knows what she needs.
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In the pinto beans case I would. The fact she’s tried the others probably more so.
And to a degree I’m a bit old fashioned so eating (or smelling or touching or licking or allowing it on the plate or almost on the plate or stop calling my portion of it bleh…basically getting it a bit up the ladder depending on where it was) a bit of the others is often a condition for more (especially thirds and fourths). IDK how to explain that in a way that doesn’t make me the worst ever. Plus neither of mine have anything approaching ARFID.
ETA like @Sunflower if there’s sugar or for us it’s super processed or whatever we don’t usually do seconds we just say no or talk about it being a sometimes food or a good for our mouths but not for growing etc (depends what it is)
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Honestly I do this too, more now that she’s older. If she hasn’t touched anything else in her plate I usually start by strategically delaying getting more of what she’s asked which can lead to trying some of the less desirable foods (“yes I can get you more, I just need another bite of my own food/to wash my hands/to get I tour of the fridge”). Depending on her mood I may ask if she’s tried X and ask her to try two bites (or just a lick if she’s grumpy).
But if she’s interacted with and had any bites of the other things don’t require anything else and I’m happy to get her more of what shes asking for.
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What are your lovey management strategies/rules?
The cuckoo (who is 2 and a few months) has a lovey. It is a stuffed hippo and is already pretty ragged, although we have 3 and rotate them.
The problem with her having it all the time is that she sucks her thumb and is generally more passive, but we do want her to be able to self-soothe and when she is upset, she wants hippo every time.
We used to leave hippo in the bed, but now that she is more mobile, she wants to go get it at the first sign of strain in her day. What do other people do?
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I might be in the minority, but I didn’t do anything. I’m sure there is a bunch of literature about needing to internalize soothing etc. but I just let my kids use theirs until they didn’t want to. They both stopped fairly early on their own.
I felt like its hard enough being little and learning all the things and processing all the feelings, if it helps then use it.
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This is my gut feeling too–I was definitely interested in reducing pacifier time intentionally but I’m gonna let him have monkey when he wants monkey. I figure a combo of peer pressure/growing up, he’ll either lose interest or reduce usage himself over time
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My 4 year old walked into school with her lovey the last two days.
We took a pretty low key approach. I was more concerned about the thumb sucking so we didn’t offer but didn’t prevent the lovey during the day at Cuckoo’s age. By 2.5 or 3 we would say “pop that thumb out!” During the day and I’m pretty sure there are past posts on here with me asking about this topic. But she stopped sucking her thumb and still likes her lovey as a comfort item. She’s not the only kid at school who has it for the first 5-10 minutes and then puts it in her cubby once she’s settled. They only let the kids have them at drop off and Naptime.
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Latte has a ride or DIE bunny. She went everywhere with us for years, but now she’s very much self tapered her reliance (she just turned 5). Luna hasn’t picked a one true bestie yet (latte fell in love with Coral at her first bday party and never let her go) but if she does I don’t plan to change tactic at all.
I don’t think “self soothing” needs to mean nothing external ever at all. Hell I use my dog to soothe myself. 
that being said, we almost never let her take her into stores or events with big crowds because of loss potential. She gets hugged and waved to and left in the car seat.
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