You won’t damage the kid, they will have Swan.
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This 
.
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This sounds really familiar to me and is actually why I waited so long to start trying for a baby. I was very hesitant about having kids at all and never really got to a point where I was sold on the idea before the actual birth. My mom just told me the other day that she was concerned about how I would be as a parent because of how detached I seemed from the process until she actually saw me interact with my kid (thanks a lot Mom!). 
If it makes you feel better, it hasn't been anything like I thought.
If it’s at all encouraging to hear, I did not feel smothered by my infant (exhausted at the beginning yes, but smothered, no). Mostly this was because of an excellent partner giving me lots of breaks, so it sounds like you will be set up the same.
Also there’s a good chance that you could end up with a child who needs as much space as you do. I came downstairs from working yesterday and my toddler was playing alone and yelled at me, “All done Mama! Mama go back upstairs!” So I did. 
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Just like Ducky says. Which is why I answered your question the first way.
But I decided later to clarify that I’d be traumatized (and so would my boy) if I traveled without him, because we are glued to each other
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With my first child I started to take away feedings one by one during the day. Getting rid of the one before bed was not easy at all. With the next 2 kids I took away the nighttime one first and then gradually the rest of them. That went smoothly with no issues. All 3 kids were weaned by about 13 months. I gave them a healthy snack before bed. Sometime between 4-6 months all got a feeding at 10pm and then slept until about 5-6 am. If sick or teething then they might be up in the middle of the night. Luckily none of mine had allergies or were colicky. A few times I had a opportunity to be away for a weekend when each was around 2 and it was fine because they stayed with my mom who they loved to be with. That was long enough to get a break but not to long for either of us. I can’t imagine being away from a baby.
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I think my daughter is starting to learn that Mommy is an introvert.
There have been a few moments of me running into my room screaming “mommy needs to be alone” and hiding from them.
But now, occasionally she will ask me “Mommy, do you need to go to the calm down corner to be alone?” So I think she can sense my overwhelm.
If my husband is home, sometimes he will tell them “Mommy just has to be by herself for a few minutes”.
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Oh my gosh, yes, the “mama can go downstairs?” or “mama can go inna kitchen?” 
I definitely relate to both of you. I still remember how happy I was when I first went back to work after maternity leave. Having D stay at home and me go to work has been working out beautifully.
I would have struggled to spend a night away from the wiggler in the first year, but that was mostly about breastfeeding. I think if we’d introduced formula earlier, I would have been hugely relieved to get a night away, but the prospect of pumping enough for a full night away was daunting.
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I traveled while nursing, I think I did a total of 10 nights away the first year (including 2 in the hospital when I had my gallbladder out). I carried 200+ ounces of milk back from San Diego after one trip.
My daughter was used to a bottle because of daycare though.
The hospital was the hardest, because when Kevin brought her to visit, she didn’t understand why I couldn’t hold her, or feed her, and having to throw away milk was awful. But she did get to eat lemon ice, and that was hysterical. (8 months old)
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Indoor pest control that’s baby safe? The place we are moving into has a small gap under the front door (that we’ll be dealing with soon I hope) and there are quite a few spiders/anta that make their way into the ground floor. I’m worried this is only going to get worse once we’ve moved in and there is food in the kitchen and a not-pristine home.
Past me would have put a small amount of raid along the window/door but I’m worried about that with a baby in the house…
Diatomaceous Earth works really well when there’s one point of concern like that. Just be sure it’s food safe in case of baby tampering.
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We have some food grade stuff…how much do you out down and would you out it inside or outside the door?
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I would do a thick line, like a salt line for slugs if you’ve ever seen that done. I would personally try starting outside and see if that works, to minimize temptation.
We’ve also had decent luck with the little liquid ant bait stations. You can put them somewhere the kid can’t get to and the ants will get them and leave and die.
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I’d like to talk about daycare/preschool, continuing off of the great discussions on @Meowkins journal. We’re looking for daycares for my soon to be 18 month old (will be 18 months in June, when we’ll start). I’ll write out more about our search when I’m at my computer later tonight, but I’m interested to hear what you all look for in a daycare.
For us, is HCOL Southern California, I’d love to find a daycare that allows for lots of outdoor time, but usually those are $$$ because space is $$$.
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One thing I found useful in forming my gut opinion on places was pulling up the state’s Department of Children and Families (or whatever name your state has for that department, it will probably be similar) and looking at the day care inspection reports. I don’t know if this carries over to other states, but in Florida if there’s any infractions they’re categorized as a 1, 2, or 3. If I recall correctly, a 3 was low stakes like a piece of missing paperwork (e.g. a parent hadn’t handed in the latest shot record) a 2 was more serious (e.g. cleaning chemicals not locked away), and any place that had a 1 meant you should run away screaming (e.g. a child was able to wander out a gate into traffic).
None of the day cares in this area were entirely without infractions but having a handful of minor things versus a couple bigger problems helped filter things down to figure out who we even wanted to spend our time checking out.
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I’m a little hesitant to share because our kid doesn’t start til June. But for the search, we did an initial pass and looked for daycares within walking distance with great reviews on yelp & google.
After that, we reached out to schedule virtual tours.
I’m interested in Montessori-style learning (and apparently was the subject of some myself) but all the MS daycares had obnoxious application forms asking how parents would contribute to their child’s education. They seemed to hint that you needed the money and leisure to be donors or fundraisers or whatever. This took the shine off searching for Montessori daycares specifically.
There was an arts-based daycare really with a fantastic reputation among neighborhood parents, and an application form that asked about the child’s preferences and needs, but they didn’t take babies our age alas.
Then we reached out to schedule virtual tours (#covid). Other factors we were interested: some diversity in the kids and staff, and an emphasis on stoking the kids’ curiosity and creativity. Another tip I’ve heard is that staff retention is a really good sign, indicating they treat employees well and the kids have some stability.
It was helpful to get recos from parent friends in the city. Although we ruled out a lot of those options due to distance, the things they mentioned (like pickup/dropoff logistics, outside time, how they handled bottles/mealtimes/naps) gave us a heads up on what to ask questions about. The thing that really helped cement our decision was hearing absolutely raving references from happy parents.
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Haven’t seen the convo on the journal, so hopefully not repeating too much.
We’ve been at two different daycares. Both of them we found before kiddo was born, but the one we liked best had the longest waitlist ever so he went somewhere else until he turned 2 and we got him in at the non profit. We aren’t at an outdoor preschool but there are many in our neighborhood and several are subsidized for older kids - does CA have universal pre-k that partners with any outdoor schools? If so, it might be worth the extra $$$ now if you can swing it to have cheaper but exactly what you want later.
After several years at multiple daycares our priorities are in no particular order:
Must have:
- meals & snacks served by school (not by us sending stuff - this wouldn’t have been high on my list before but after having it I don’t think I can go back)
- convenient location (we mostly drove to the last place, new place is easy to bike or take transit)
- play-based rather than trying to do some sort of academic curriculum with infants
- willing to work with early intervention/public schools for needed accommodations and don’t require too much parental involvement since health stuff takes up all our time
Nice to have:
- either not religious, or Jewish
- social justice oriented curriculum at a POC run non-profit (hence the long waiting list and the willingness to go even after years of waiting)
- diverse classrooms (current place has spots that are subsidized so it ends up being super diverse)
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I blinked and our baby is 5 months old! What baby gear is actually a must-have for 6-12 months, living in a small urban house?
(For example, we have a non-motorized lightweight rocker that isn’t necessary but we love. But stroller hasn’t seen much use because we use carriers a lot more.)
- High chair?
- Learning tower thing for kitchen?
- When do you switch from bassinet to crib?
- Anything else you unexpectedly love?
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I’d think you’d be about to wanting to change to a crib, but we always had him in a crib so I don’t have a good answer to that.
A high chair is really nice. We have the keekaroo right height chair that a neighbor passed down and I’ve been a big fan. It’s nice if you can get something with a footrest and a fairly supportive seat.
I feel like it’s probably awhile longer for needing a learning tower, but my kiddo had gross motor delays so maybe that is impacting my perspective on it.
For solids, I really love the IG accounts @SolidStarts and @Kidseatincolor.
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Def high chair for starting solids. I recommend the feeding Littles guide for considerations for picking one. https://www.feedinglittles.com/blog/how-to-choose-the-best-high-chair-or-booster-seat-tips-for-successful-eating-from-a-feeding-therapist
We switched her out of her bassinet by 10 weeks because she could roll so well (and was big enough she was swinging it against the wall lol) and that was the halo guidelines (our bassinet co). But certainly before they can sit up on their own.
Learning tower I would wait til closer to a year, when they can stand holding on confidently.
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