Also, this is one of those times that it would be really handy to be a dude. ::shakes fist at chromosomes::
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Four months was kinda my gut instinct as well. That seems like when people start to feel a little more established in the whole parenthood thing. And most people have gotten at least a couple good nights by then, which really helps with feeling a bit more recovered/stable yourself. It just seems like a fairly common “feet under you” point for people.
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Ugh, that only gives me four more cycles (for a total of five this go-round) before it will interfere with my other life plans. I guess it is what it is.
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I think there are 2 factors: your own recovery from birth, and your feeding/nesting dynamics with baby.
Recovery varies SO widely but I had a physically straightforward birth and would have been OK traveling, moving through airports, etc. about 4-6 weeks PP. It’s hard to guarantee this though.
I took a weekend-long remote class 4 weeks after birth. In retrospect I should have just nursed with my camera off, but at the time we decided that I would pump so I was effectively “away” for 8 hours x 2 days. It wasn’t ideal but it was OK. An available & supportive partner was clutch. If you’re away for 10 days, lining up occasional help for them should be really really helpful.
My baby is 4 months now and I’d definitely be comfortable traveling for something important if there weren’t a plague on. I think 2-3 months would have felt OK to me, and even like a LUXURIOUS SLEEP VACATION.
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I traveled out of state after six weeks—had my six week appointment and left a couple days after—and was gone for a week, and it was fine even with a rougher than usual vaginal delivery. It was only a few hours drive each way, but I also could have handled airport/plane-related travel physically and mentally, especially with baby at home to ease the logistics.
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These responses are all so interesting. For the record, I do not believe that being away from your newborn for a short duration will emotionally damage them. However, I’m pretty sure that I would have been emotionally damaged if I had had to be away from my baby. It sounds like I’m really an outlier here, so take this with a grain of salt, but my kid was 10 months old when I attended a Camp Mustache thingy, and leaving her would have been to me, absolutely out of the question.
If you had asked me that before I had her, I would have told you that I would be perfectly comfortable leaving her with her very capable and caring dad, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t. I have turned out to be a very different parent than I thought I would be. 
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Yeah I am in the same camp. My kid is 2 and I still don’t want to leave him. Not because I am afraid anything will happen, but because we see each other all day everyday and the change would be hard for us both.
That said, a tiny baby probably isn’t going to be able to tell much of a difference. It’s probably going to be emotionally harder for caregivers in terms of awareness.
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When I first put my son into daycare at three months old, in hindsight he was very clingy the following weekend. He settled in well at day care during the week but my in-laws visited the following weekend and he definitely wanted to be held by me, not just by anyone. Overall it was totally fine though and he was happy to go back to day care.
Edit: if my in-laws hadn’t been visiting I probably wouldn’t have noticed at all.
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I don’t think you’re an outlier. We’re at 12.5 months and I can only just handle 6h of childcare one day a week. I could NOT do an overnight. But I also don’t have a competing priority and am confused when people suggest that I might want an overnight away. We cosleep. We are very attached. My partner can do a night away and once did 3 nights, but also wouldn’t be up for two weeks. And our kid noticed dada skipping more than one night at a time. But I assume wool jaguar is predicting being more okay with space. Although you thought you would be okay with more space too, so… it’s just hard to predict
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Yup. Which is why I think people were commenting on the physical aspects of healing, because that is somewhat predictable, but also not perfect.
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Oh wow. I just came across this baby gear library subscription company (US only for now). Wish I had this before I bought a half dozen different baby carriers and bassinets! https://www.babygeargroup.com/
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Random question… Weaning, how does it work? Especially with teething that never ends. and not being able to follow guidelines suggesting another adult comforts.
I really want to eat soy
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This probably isn’t all that helpful but Toddler E basically weaned herself at 11 months. We gradually spaced out her nursing times over a 2 week period and then gave her milk in a straw cup instead of nursing. I think she was ready and it didn’t seem to bother her at all. I was still the person who comforted her, but we just did it by snuggling instead of nursing. However, I think our situation was an outlier and not the norm by any means - I think most kids have a harder time of it.
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We dropped day time feeds first, spacing them out farther and farther. Then at night we stopped it all cold turkey.
I was tired of being bitten!
Meowlet was about same age as 
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I agree that it would have been way too hard at such an early age. I had work travel scheduled when she was 5 months old and I was going to pay for her and Mr E to come along as well so I could keep nursing during that time. The trip got canceled due to COVID though. She was 15 months old when I had Baby E and then overnight at the hospital was a huge big deal for me. When I was in labor I kept saying I wish I had opted for a home birth so I didn’t have to leave her. In the Only one who can comfort her at night and out of the 2 nights I was gone, one night was ok and one night she woke up 6 times and cried for 30+ minutes each time because I wasn’t the one who went into her room to rock her back to sleep.
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(hysterical cry-laughing at own situation, yours is the dream)
Okay, so I had a bath and watched some YouTube and I think I’ll be more strict on choosing times and knocking out the day feeds. Daytime is just for naps(1-2) and failed attempts (0-700) and big fall owies.
We did a night weaning program before that worked to give us a sleep window, but I regressed. I think I’ll work on day again and then night. I’m happy to keep two feeds, but I am very over this. My nips look like a cluster feeding 12 weeker was at me, thanks to the f-ing molar pain.
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I know a lot of people will first decouple nursing from sleep during the day (so don’t nurse down for naps), then they move to “don’t offer/don’t refuse”. Or, they’ll have set feeding times, refuse all other times, and drop those one by one.
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Yeah, don’t offer don’t refuse is failing me, but I see how it could work on a different kid. I think times and delay tactics are my next bet
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I have no advice but wish you a lot of luck. Duckling refused all attempts at weaning that wasn’t his own schedule until I couldn’t handle it anymore at 2.5 years old and pregnant with HG. He was also an “easier” teether though, I can’t imagine what horror we would have gone through if he’d kept trying to chew on me.
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Yeah, exactly.
Actually, one of the things I’m most afraid of about motherhood (and the reason that I’m super happy about having a partner who looooooves babies and is down to be the primary caregiver) is that even though I definitely (and somewhat desperately) want kids, I’m nervous about all the togetherness and child-as-clingwrap. I’m a hardcore introvert who sometimes feels like I don’t even give my cats enough attention because I always have my face buried in something-or-other.
That, coupled with being happiest when I’m chasing some academic ambition . . . I just don’t really see myself as someone who would feel more negatives than relief at going away for a little while. I actually feel like it’ll probably be good for me to get a break every six months for the duration of the program. But I don’t wanna damage the hypothetical kid, is all.
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