So - Sometimes I deal with this kind of thing in Scouting, ie what’s appropriate in one family isn’t necessarily appropriate at Scouts?
(example, “Oh my God,” “Jesus Christ,” etc are things that I kinda say nuh uh to, but yeah some families use them.).
So my response when a kid says these things is “we don’t talk that way here,” (Keeping in mind, in this case, I am not these children’s parent. And, these are in regards to the words that are more subjective).
“Does that feel like a kind thing to say? It might hurt someone’s feelings.”
And also “We only say bathroom words in the bathroom.”
Our boys are big fans of (a) The Martian and (b) f bombs so sometimes I’m like, are you stranded on Mars? Then you don’t need this word right now.
In terms of success, are working parents thriving or surviving lately? I feel so so so much on the surviving. Appointments are everywhere and work is Fine but it’s all very by the skin of my teeth and with the grace of many.
Definitely on the surviving side and I feel like right now we are barely surviving. I was optimistic that this year I could transition over to “thriving” and I’ve been trying to make that happen but the universe laughed at me and gave us a whole bunch of really hard stuff to deal with all at once and it would be hard if I was a stay at home parent, and seems almost impossible right now with me working.
Yet somehow I’m getting work done (barely) and everyone in the house is still alive, and it is mostly clean, and there is food in the fridge? So I guess I’m making it work.
Was surviving (barely at times) the entire time I was parenting and working. The sweet spot was when Kiddo was in elementary school and Mr. Meer and I were both wfh so we could take him to/from school and even then… Days with after school activities were non stop, and I have zero idea how parents that work in an office and commute deal with homework without sacrificing kid sleep.
Hmmmm, this month (this week?) we are doing better than surviving but definitely not thriving. January and February were much closer to surviving because we were way over scheduled and balancing that with inevitable illness pushed use all to exhaustion. So far in March we said no to everything that was at all optional, have been getting a little more sleep, and things are feeling better. *
But I’m still constantly second guessing whether I should quit my job and stay home instead. Would it be better for Pipsqueak (and me) to be together all the time or is daycare good for both of us? Would we feel closer to “thriving” if we took away all the daily schedule demands of work and school or would the financial strain offset that back towards “surviving”. We can’t cash flow our current life on spouse’s salary; we would have to dip into savings for 1-2 years if I quit which would be fine for 1-2 years but what happens if I can’t/don’t want to get a job at that point?? We are not Coast FI (aka spouse or I works a job that makes just enough to cash flow current life) unless we move to a VLCOL area.
*Honestly sleep is the deciding factor for me feeling like surviving mode is activated. If I’m getting consistent sleep for 4-5 nights a week Im like “life is grand! embrace the chaos!” At 2-3 nights a week of good sleep I’m tipped towards survival mode and anything less than that my outlook on everything is pretty bleak. So…it really depends on the day how I’m feeling!
ETA I want to also acknowledge that we’re playing on easy mode which makes it way easier to get towards thriving! Pipsqueak so far has had minimal extra health/support needs so beyond the normal illnesses that knock us out for a few days or require the occasional trip to urgent care/ER we were not trying to fit in any extra appointments in the regular. As long as I’m working we have excess funds each month so we pay for someone to clean the bathrooms and kitchen 2x/month. Fitting in exercise 1-2x/week for our own health feels really difficult and I know you are making that work so that’s awesome and even more constraints on your time and energy.
Barely surviving here 
My mom always jokes that I need to quit my job and just take care of the kids (because that’s her dream, she has always wanted to be a sahm/grandma and has always worked shit jobs, never a career). But for me, my job is the only thing bringing me adult joy and fulfillment and you can pry it from my cold dead hands even if I don’t have time/energy/stamina for it. The house? absolute shit, the marriage? good enough… the kids? they get a good meal and lots of age appropriate activity at school. If I give them love and cuddles and stability (and sustenance - I do feed them, it’s often charcuterie though), for the rest of the time and nothing else, I’m calling it ok enough.
Most days we are surviving. If we didn’t work from home I think we would be underwater mentally. We are extremely lucky to both have WFH jobs that are semi flexible so we can make things work. It does seem to be slowly getting better with more sleep and kids becoming more independent. I foresee when youngest goes to kindergarten tipping into thriving mode. Until then we are making it work.
Surviving…barely.
We don’t have many appts or weekday activities and generally healthy kids, and the ability to throw a lot of money at take out, but also neither child is sleeping independently these days and work has been crazy, so we’ve both been regularly logging in after 9 pm and we’re completely exhausted.
Oh this resonates a lot. Wfh does make everything possible. And I look forward to just a bit more independence from the kids. Maybe in about a year.
I am not working AND my mom comes over for two half days a week, and yet we are still just barely surviving! I genuinely want someone to watch me go through my week and tell me what other people are doing differently.
I constantly feel this way. I just sent a card out with Ravi pictures we had taken for his birthday, in October. So. Blew past all of the normal holidays, had to settle for a St. Patrick’s Day card, which is fine I’m Irish, but we’re Jewish lmao
At Christmas this year I sent cards that had D1’s school pictures from October AND her school pictures from October 2022
You are still doing way better than me.
I had to say to myself, Self, would you like to get cute baby pictures regardless of how many more teeth the baby has now? And the answer was yes
So totally true. I included a little note in each card apologizing and saying I was just happy that I was finally getting them sent out.
Lol I paid extra to have them addressed and mailed for me because whomst knows when they’d be sent otherwise!!! A Note! You are too good
Well, the pictures had been printed out a year before! I had physical pictures that needed to be sent! They were addressed by shutterfly, but I had to stuff them and ship them out myself, because of the physical school pictures.
Ohhh I see!!!
To fellow survivors, I salute you! I would love to like, be able to look like I’m thriving even if I’m just surviving. Because I’m tired of looking exhausted, disheveled, and scattered?
Honestly, good caveat, but IME whether you’re on hard or easy mode is relative to what you’re used to (up to a point). So good for you guys for being on almost thriving mode! @Bernadette you’re probably just adjusting to your level of normal!
I feel it in my soul.
I burst out laughing. Not at you, but with you, so with you on this. Lately ROMANCE!~~~ has been a priority for MrM, which I love, but also, I’m tired. I don’t wanna go on a date. I don’t wanna have sex. God why do we even have to talk? I talk so much all day. (ofc I recognize the unhealth of my attitude and participate in romantic endeavors because PARTNERSHIP but also want to find a cozy hovel to hide in.)