Oh fascinating! Could you say more about that? Some of the local Facebook groups I’m in are a little knee jerky about terms, so I’d be hesitant to call someone a nanny who wasn’t full time or close, getting benefits, etc.
But good point to make sure they know I’ll be around, in case that’s a dealbreaker for folks.
Ah I see. My thinking is that (like you) I was looking more than a “keep baby alive” person so I was looking for someone who had prior nannying experience and considered themselves a nanny. But we were looking for 30 he a week and using Care . Com not Facebook so circumstances are a bit different.
That makes sense! Hopefully what I’m asking for isn’t too hard of a combo, that it’s someone who knows how to do baby stuff but is open to a few hours a week. If I have to pay $30+ per hour for a nanny I will, because that it cheaper than the alternative of me moving out, lol.
Rates in LA are $25-30/hour (under the table you can pay on the lower end, over the table they want more because taxes are getting taken out).
We did have someone coming 6 hrs/week for $25/hr over the summer. She was a full time nanny but the kids in her other family had just started summer school so she was looking for extra hours with a second family to subsidize back up closer to full time. That’s one reason I think you can look for a “nanny” rather than just a mother’s helper and it will be clear to people.
I think you will get more movement on this because you are requesting weekend hours. That’s a good call. The struggle I’ve run into trying to do something similar during the week is that people want full time hours during the week. They don’t want to make a commitment for 3-6 hours once per week during a time slot that they might be able to fill with a full-time client.
I’m considering baby proofing options. One is to just install a gate between baby’s play area and downstairs. The other is to basically get an extra long baby gate and fully enclose her play area.
Thoughts? Pros/cons to each?
What requires you to modify it the least often? Because for me at least, the open close open close game drives me NUTTY and when I’m tired sometimes makes me tempted to skip it which is obviously not good. So I tend to vote for secure a whole giant yes space for you both to be in and spend most of the day there and not do the in out in out game. 
I went gate, which gave us the whole main floor as a play/live area, and also was a one time setup until she could navigate stairs instead of reconfiguring the baby proofing with growth.
We also went gate, with an explicit conversation that gate was NEVER left open and we both needed to be able to commit to making that an ingrained habit. It worked for us! The other downside to gate is that the whole area needs to be maintained as baby proof. With my kid that didn’t end up being a problem because and we learned pretty quickly what was an issue and what wasn’t. For example, she’s not a climber so I don’t stress that much about climbable things. Some kids are definitely climbers though!
Thanks all, I’ll go gate. We’ve already babyproofed the cabinets on that floor anyway and can watch for her climbing predilections once she can pull herself to standing reliably.
I’m considering switching TR (9 mos) out of his high chair (Stokke clikk) into an Inglesina clamp-on seat. When I sit him in the high chair he IMMEDIATELY uses the foot rest to stand up, climb forward onto the tray table, and climb onto the dining table. I don’t even have time to buckle him in before he launches. At my parents’ house he has the clamp-on seat and seems to tolerate it for 10 minutes before trying to climb out.
I know the standard advice is they feed better with the stability of a footrest but this baby seems, uh, different. I was also thinking of @economista’s note a few months back that her kids actually sit better out of the Tripp Trapp seats. He has been eating solids for 3 months now, has excellent core strength, and I am the opposite of worried about his feeding skills. Are there any longer-term pitfalls to not having that platform?
I have 3 kids who have all eaten in a booster strapped into a dining chair and as far as I can tell they all eat fine, from the teenager down to the toddler!
We have both a regular high chair and an Inglesina clamp-on at the counter. The latter we got more recently, and our kid loves it. I think she likes sitting at the counter because that often means a closer proximity to the action going on in the kitchen. She doesn’t seem to care about the lack of footrest. She’s 13 months.
@BiblioFeroz @a_hardie Thanks! Gonna do it! We experimented last night with the high chair, no tray and it went better. I think he just wants a seat at the table, not behind a high chair tray. Trays are for babies.
IME foot tests are extra important for kids with poor trunk strength and/or who use foot placement/fidgeting for a lot of spacial feedback. Otherwise it’s less of a big issue I think.
Phones - We are planning to get our kiddo a phone for his 12th birthday. He is in 6th grade and is increasingly involved in activities after school and elsewhere where having a way to contact him would be beneficial. He would like to be able to text his friends directly rather than going through me (understandable). He is a pretty trustworthy kid, but this is a big step and I’d like to set boundaries.
Does anyone have a set of guidelines you have implemented that have been helpful when giving your kids a phone? We’re planning to say no social media (FB, IG, SC) but allow youtube since that is his preferred method of entertainment. Right now we’re thinking no TikTok but may allow that in the future. We are planning to have no expectation of privacy for him - mom and dad can and will be able to see texts and search history. The biggest one I am thinking will be that the phone charges downstairs (i.e., not in the bedroom at night). What else has worked for you?
I don’t have a child your age, but have started thinking about this and have some thoughts. Pls feel free to disregard if you want only lived experience!
How would you ensure this? Checking his phone?
I’ve seen some parents on instagram have their kids check their phone in when they get home. So, it’s more like a tool than a social device.
An alternative to having the phone to text would be to have like a family desktop and have his messaging apps on there. So he could still text his friends, but in a place that is public.
It’s a really hard discussion and I think it’s great that you’re being so intentional. A course I’m currently taking on the science of screentime talks about the difference between Restrictive and Active mediation are having conversations on the why and the values behind why you’re making the decision with your child. Since he’s older, maybe including him in some decisions that feel low stakes to you might help him feel empowered and lessen power struggles.
A thought that I had was getting him a dumb phone with limited picture/video taking ability. Texts work. I like that approach because it keeps conversations private, while limiting danger from, like, nudes or something. Conversations with friends can be sacred with this method and are unavoidably private anyway (you don’t follow him to school for example) and give him autonomy while limiting danger.
In addition to dumb phones, there’s kid specific phones. I haven’t looked into all of them but I think it then allows like, parents to find location and stuff?
Yes, we would check his phone occasionally (see the no expectation of privacy). Plus there are apps you can install that require them to get your permission before installing any new apps on the device. We have this now on his tablet and it works pretty well. It helps that he has no interest in social media either right now.
I left a lot of details out in my post of course, but we have been having conversations with him about what his phone use would look like so that he has buy-in in the process. I think that’s a key thing and am glad you pointed it out!
For the dumb phone/kids phone - we were definitely going to go this option when he was younger if we decided to get a device. We ended getting by without one for a long time. He is now the only kid within his entire social circle that doesn’t have a smart phone or watch, so I feel like we’ve held out pretty long! At this point, he would really like a phone with some internet capabilities. Middle school is tough and he’s already seen as a bit of a nerdy weirdo (sorry kid, you come by it honestly!). He owns that bit of his personality and is really strong in most cases when it comes to peer pressure, but he would rather have no phone than a dumb phone or kids phone just for the conformity, not to mention not having some features he’d want.
He is a techy - and honestly that’s part of my concern because I can see him getting addicted to a phone quickly! So trying to find a balance here. We actually looked at smart watches and were planning to go that route but it didn’t work out for technical reasons.
Definitely! And I should add that I’m not planning to read through them all the time or anything. But…I know there is a lot of bullying that happens in text space and I want to just quickly check on it occasionally. For instance, there is a huge group chat for kids in his grade and the scoop from other parents is that there are questionable topics discussed there and I would want to keep an eye on that, if he chooses to join it. He may not; his best friend opted out quickly.
Maybe look into the Aro Box for the whole family? Mutual accountability for the total screen time aspect?