I think this a huge YMMV thing but I agree that often it’s easier with a newborn and a toddler than two toddlers (picture me genuflecting in horror at the memory) or preschoolers.
I did nighttime solo for 8 weeks straight starting when LB was 4 weeks and BB was 17 months. We all survived. But when I had to do it solo - and that was often - when they were 2/3, 3/4, even sometimes into the 4/5 year- it was a shitshow and I did some of my worst parenting on which I do not reflect with satisfaction.
When the Boy moved in with us he started putting the children into their beds and then reading to them (once they got their own rooms he sat in the hallway) from a long chapter book. They were maybe 5/6 or even 7 by then but it was a game changer. It might have worked years earlier if I had thought of it. Kept them in bed and kept them from interacting with each other when they still shared a room.
My first parenting forum was single moms by choice, so even without direct experience I’ve seen that it’s entirely possible to be done alone, even all the time. Doesn’t mean it’s super fun all the time, but like, yes of course it’s doable.
Strategize ahead of time. Practice. Learn from failures and successes. Like everything.
This, pretty much. Ponder can’t get there kids to bed by himself yet because pumpkin still feeds to sleep but when doing it by myself i get the big kid in bed and the little one ready and we get the big kid to fall asleep while keeping the little quiet, and then she either falls asleep or we get up to play a little longer. But Duckling doesn’t fight bedtime, he just gets super exhausted and wants to rest. They have shared a room since about 1 year & 5years old.
@ElleP@Economista@gardeningandgreen@cranky@Star@BiblioFeroz Thank you for all the anecdotes & examples! No doubt we’ll have to adjust as we go, and also every few months as their sleep patterns & needs change, but it’s really helpful to hear some of your specifics for inspiration.
Late to the party but we often divide and conquer and try to switch off each night so the kids are ok with either of us doing bedtime. They often have preferences but we just say oh no, sorry daddy’s turn tonight. When the baby was very small it seemed like I was always breastfeeding right at toddler bedtime and that made things feel unfair and out of wack for her I think.
Bigger kid loves to be a helper and put the baby to bed when it’s just one parent. We read a story together, she helps sing a song and then tiptoes out and turns out the hall light while I put the baby down. Then I go tuck her in and make a huge deal out of what a great job she did.
Mr Pancakes travels for work at times and I find doing two solo easier (with a huge caveat that it’s only ever for a handful of nights at a time) than most nights when we divide and conquer. This has been my experience from when the first was a newborn to now at 2.5.
I found when we tried to have one person do it all while the other was in the house it didn’t work. “I want mum/dad”, whichever wasn’t in front of the toddler. When the other person is out and completely unavailable it goes more smoothly for us.
We loved the Hannah Anderson plastic soles socks for the very early walking days. Pipsqueak has very wide chubby feet so most brands like see Kai run didn’t work for her.
I was on here talking about gas stoves and indoor air quality a few months ago and just wanted to close the loop on what we ended up doing. We had a natural gas stove, an externally vented range hood, an open floor plan, a significant family history of asthma and we cook multiple meals a day.
First we bought a monitor to see what kind of levels we were getting. The results showed that running the stove, but especially using the oven, increased our Nitrogen Dioxide levels a huge amount. Running the vent hood every single time helped when using the stove top, so if you have gas and a vent you should use it! It didn’t help as much as we would like when running the oven.
After seeing our levels and in consideration of our family history we decided to switch to an induction range. And it is so great. I was worried that it would be a compromise over the gas stove that I loved, but I love everything about the induction. So fast, so responsive, so easy to clean, very quiet.
I know not everyone is worried about this issue and some people who are worried can’t do anything to change it, but I wanted to come back and remind everyone to use their range hood. It makes a big difference!
Thank you so much for the update! And yes I fought my husband on the initial gas to induction switch he had to spend ages talking me around. and now I’m an evangelist haha. I’m so glad you had the same experience of like “shoodang this is NOT a compromise!”
Question re: other people’s pets. CW for somewhat scary dog fears? Maybe unnecessary but something makes me feel I should spoiler.
Summary
So I have a friend with a dog. Very large, very unneutered at almost 3 years old, high energy (purebred German shepherd), under-exercised (one short walk a day if that) and by my perceptions undertrained.
Friend has a 2 year old who has never been hurt by the dog when they are hanging out near each other semi-supervised and so I’m told that he’s fine to be around kids. But I’m super uneasy to even bring our baby over once we have her.
The dog routinely puts his teeth on me, jumps on me, etc when I’m over. Last week we were over and a friend’s GF we were just meeting was there and the dog’s mouth was fully around her arm for a solid ten seconds.
But again, I get the message it’s fine to bring our kid over because the dog has never hurt their child.
I don’t think I’m overreacting? Is it okay to establish the boundary that we will not be over with our kid unless the dog is crated/outside/sequestered to another room?
I have always been a dog lover but this dog has made me somewhat afraid of and anti-dog, as he’s been my primary and almost sole exposure to dogs for the last few years.
I would maintain the boundary if not going, but not announce it unless pressed. And then soften my language but not my stance.
“I’m probably overreacting but fifi is jumpy and mouths me, so I don’t feel safe bringing junior until he’s bigger than fifi”
Thank you, like it feels rude but also like, if I am afraid of an animal and other adults are afraid of an animal it’s probably fair to not bring my small human with no self regulation and the mobility of a potato near said animal?
@Greyweld i am a dog lover and that would be very uncomfortable for me. I likely would not bring my kids over. I also don’t think you have to worry about this right now, just offer to hang with these people not in their home. And you’ll have the perfect excuse! Newborn!! “Sorry I don’t want to leave my house today” or “I really want to get out of the house and go to a park or brewery, a change of scenery is just what I need!”
If pressed you can share your concerns. They sound like irresponsible dog parents.
he had to spend ages talking me around. and now I’m an evangelist haha. I’m so glad you had the same experience of like “shoodang this is NOT a compromise!”