Queer baby-making


#21

Man, sperm banks are so weird. My ex tried to donate. Good family health history, 6’3", published poet, math major, genius level IQ… red head. They rejected him. Told him no one wants red heads. There’s just zero demand apparently.


#22

That is so bizarre. o___o


#23

That is terrible but I believe it. I have reddish hair and my husband sort of does too. So many people asked us, “what if you get a ginger?”
Wtf? How to even respond? “Uh I guess we’ll throw it out and start over?” :flushed::persevere:


#24

That’s so confusing to me!? Like red hair seems like a bonus to me.

Though redheads do have higher likelihood for medical issues because of their genetic variation… but also they make their own vitamin D. That would be very handy in my climate!


#25

What? :triumph: Redheads are the best. I’m thrilled that my sperm donor is a redhead and also hoping our kid has red hair, though so far it seems to be a light brown.


#26

That’s interesting! And weird that it’s such a strong preference at least in one sperm bank. I have a very high number of true redheads among my friends, more than blondes by a few, and I’m in the land of 10,000 Scandinavian ancestors.


#27

I was just going to say that the preference thing might be regional. I grew up in your city, @katscratch and … Yeah. Hahaha.


#28

And more importantly, regale us with stories about how you got donor sperm and turned it into a wiggler


#29

+1 I did not realize that! Very cool. I also love redheads.


#30

Step 1. Find wonderful man, marry him, decide to have a baby with him
Step 2. Be unable to get wonderful man’s sperm to the correct location
Step 3. Give wonderful man cup and syringe
Step 4. Lay back and be inseminated


#31

There was also a lot of cycle tracking involved. But that part you probably already know about.


#32

The redhead thing is interesting. A redheaded baby would’ve been hugely celebrated by our redheaded grandparents, but I’ve had to point out how awful and uncomfortable the anti-redhead jokes are by my friend’s partner and their friends. (One of whom is redhead. So there’s an element of “but it’s a joke about me!” But also… No.)


#33

You do not want me babysitting, but I am available for half hour increments of entertaining children while you nap or answer emails or whatever it is parents do when not singing baby shark on repeat.


#34

I like this story


#35

I think that you are more on the list of people to do stuff with while the real babysitter is babysitting. But from what I’ve witnessed of parenting I would also use you to enable me to pee or shower or something


#36

I explored queer baby-making from the opposite side when I was still with my ex. We decided that we did not want to be parents ENOUGH to justify taking on all the ethical, legal, and financial issues.

Just as people can change their minds about parental rights, laws and policies can ALSO change.

One of the most depressing topics for me that comes up in LGBTQI+ family law is crappy policy created when queer person A sues queer person B because now A hates B (and often gets deep pocketed funding from orgs that are against all forms of queer families). :frowning:

So whatever you do, you can do your best to lay things out in advance (to the “safest” extent possible in your country/jurisdiction). Yet there will always be a possibility the law can change - to your benefit or detriment - even after child is born.

Of course, there are lots of happy LGBTQI+ families!!!


#37

You were definitely looking at the hardest way of starting a family and with some of the highest costs.

I have always wished that I could do more to help make couples start their families. In so many places things are much much harder. I currently have ongoing guilt about refusing to co parent with a single friend who wants kids. But just isn’t someone who I could effectively coparent with


#38

Yupppppppppp I absolutely hate seeing this. The L-Word covered this a bit, for all their crap coverage of like, everything, they did a good job of talking about the legal structures that queer couples need to have in place and what happens when they break down.


#39

This happened to a friend of mine; married for 15 years and was a stay-at-home mom to their 10 year old but was not the biological parent. Full on hate campaign against her, just awful awful AWFUL, and lost all rights to contact her daughter. Still makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it.


#40

I’m about six weeks out from putting sperm up ne on purpose. So torn between eating all the bad stuff and embarking on the healthiest diet ever to make myself a temple of fertility.

Frozen burrito is leading the breakfast debate, but green smoothies have been happening regularly.

I’m also booking dentist/vet/optometrist/ therapist appointments like crazy, because soon all my free time will be spent taking the train to collect sperm.