On the fringes of violation

In the spirit of organization, might I suggest that creating and editing a glossary be moved out of this thread?


This is a helpful list. One thing I’ve noticed about this forum is that many people identify as queer. As a hetero/cis person, I’ve shied away from using that word unless people self-identify that way. Is that a preferred word on this forum, if we know someone is LGBTQ but not specifically how they identify, or is it a word that should be avoided by those who are not LGBTQ due to it’s historical nature as a slur, if it not expressed as the preference of an individual?


I actually just use CW and TW interchangably not to specify graphicness of content. I switched to content warning because…well, the word “trigger” started to be a lynchpin.


AFAB, AMAB are good ones. ACAB and BLM!


Yup, generally always follow the lead for ANY labels for someone’s sexuality or gender identity. It’s a fraught discussion in the LGBTQIA++ community for the reasons you mentioned


NEW THREAD Acronym glossary drafting


But what if I’m talking about a general case? What word do I use here?

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In the “professional” spaces I’ve been in, it is okay to use if you identify as queer (I do). It is okay to use for a specific person who identifies as queer (“Illathrael’s queer and uses they/them and she/her pronouns.”). It is okay to use in education materials to explain terminology.

I hope and anticipate that as time goes on it will be available for everyone to use in a positive light. I do avoid using the term with new groups. I’ll identity myself as queer, explain that I understand the word is uncomfortable for some so I’ll not use it going forward.


Any idea how frequently a mod would be expected to check? Like I’m basically on the forums all day but sometimes I need to sleep, or make food, or run an errand.


I would expect modding to be flagging based and responding to flags, not stalking threads and reading every darn thing.

In which case you can set up alerts for flags/DMs to your email. So I assume… every few hours? We’ll have to work that out. Prior to this most recent discussion kicking off, I got at most a few flags a week. Even at the peak of this, it was about 5 a day.


Me too! I looked it up right after posting my comment!:rofl:


I have been thinking about what I would need if I were a mod. I think encouragement of the flagging would actually help, plus somewhere to check in with other mods so that I didn’t feel like items that weren’t clear-cut could be dealt with sensitively and appropriately. One day a week would work, as long as it were understood as more of a 24-hour-period and understanding that mods need to sleep during those 24 hours. The forum is most active while I’m asleep. Having a certain number of shifts and a few “bonus” moderators who can swap out for a month (or some useful amount of time) when others need a break would allow rest and avoid burn out. I’d also not expect every mod to deal with every item - some items might need to be passed to the next person because they’re too close for the mod who would normally deal with it based on the time the flag came in.

I also want the rules to be put on trial for maybe a month and mods who were less involved in the design of the rules and system to trial them so that it’s easier to pick up vagueness.


This is a late to the discussion topic and I hope not veering off topic, but I’ve been reading Dean Spade’s newish book on Mutual Aid, which hugely and helpfully focuses on empowering all community members, preventing burnout and various forms of toxic culture in groups. The groups he’s talking about are purpose-oriented radical groups, which isn’t at all a perfect map onto this community, but it’s a very short and accessible read and to me at least feels like a SUPER helpful perspective on any situation where you are doing the hard work of collectively thriving in a world full of oppressive systems we’ve been deeply socialized in. The book expresses a lot of compassion for the hard work it takes to de-socialize ourselves from things like ableism, sexism, fat phobia, and also has a lot of advice for setting up systems to help support us in doing that work.

Anyway, it sounds like I’m just giving reading homework here, but hopefully my really partial explanation above helps express the kind of ethos I’d like to exist in any group I belong to, and especially this one, which is one I’ve come to value a lot. Having more established and transparent systems/rules in place, delegating responsibilities/empowering more people (ie making more mods. Maybe even rotating mods so no one feels overwhelmed by the commitment and it feels less hierarchical?) would be great places to start.

I am reading some, obviously not all, tensions I’ve seen here lately as signs of various stages of burnout. The book (it’s just where my head is at right now, sorry if it looks like I’m doing zero original thinking here!) has I think a really helpful framing that first asks groups to make structural changes to mitigate burnout, then does also ask individual members to be self reflective and take care of themselves. That burnout is a collective problem, and part of addressing it is individual action. And all of this is something we have to be really on the alert for because of the world we live in and all of the systemic oppressive forces aligned against an ethos of collective care. That whole premise of systemic oppression may not be accepted by everyone here, but I think the desire to be a caring community is, and it doesn’t surprise me that a lot of tensions are coming to a head around a topic of systemic prejudice that consensus in popular discourse is currently evolving quite rapidly.

Also, I appreciate @anomalily and everyone here having this discussion openly and earnestly. Fatphobia in particular is something I’ve been actively thinking about, and something I want to keep educating myself about in community with others, hopefully with this being one of those communities. I haven’t found the right way to join the discussions yet, but I hope we can find a way to make them affirming and hard only in necessary and productive ways.

Finally, when I started reading I put an OMD sticker on my book, so sharing just for kicks.


Interesting choice of sticker - it feels very metaphorical or symbolic to me, but I can’t quite articulate those thoughts.


I interpret it as the little free library of cat toys!


Ooo I am going to see if I can get a copy of it. Also it pleases me that the author’s name rhymes with the book title.


Might it make more sense for mods to have shifts based on time zones instead of a 24hr period? I’m on US east coast so I could cover hours between my morning and afternoon, and then someone west coast could take over from there, and then someone from Australia, then an EU person then a UK person…etc.

I feel like expecting 1 person to cover 24 hrs might lead to time lapses between something flagged and something dealt with due to that whole human needing sleep, food, uninterrupted Great British Bake Off time.

Also for what it is worth, I volunteer as tribute to mod. Or to apply to mod, however the process shakes out. Lord knows I spend enough time on the forum. Plus I like you bunch of (fellow) weirdos. I want this place to thrive.


It would be easier for me to do 2x 8 hour blocks or similar. I’ve definitely noticed stuff can blow up and the delay time can matter.


i’ve been pinged!! i actually have a Little Experience in this field (i moderate discord servers for skool and semi-professionally??) which are different from forums but are also kind of the same? (OMD discord server when?) (Never hopefully tbh)

here are some Thoughts:
-why do challenges live in Toot Your Own Horn? can they please have their own category?
-I would LOVE a graduate level vs. beginner level forums/posts. sometimes people are talking about 401ks and I’m just sitting there going “HOW DO I GET YNAB TO GIVE ME THE STUDENT DISCOUNT”
-would love to have resource lists, they could function as a ‘beginner-class’ type deal - there could be like a ‘resource’ post and then an accompanying forum thread to talk about the article/resource and maybe ask more questions? i sure hope that makes sense as a sentence

also @Marcela had an excellent idea about timezones & moderators


We do have a discord server! It is very chill.