I spend money when I’m bored or lonely orsad or stressed. It never helps but I keep doing it.
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Oh, ME TOO, and I know one reason why I had a massive spending Jones yesterday is because the windchill was 4 and being outside didn’t feel good!
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Yeah… every morning when I get out of the shower and put on my holey robe (which I bought while married to my ex, we divorced in 2004!) that’s covered in hair dye stains, I feel crappy. Warm robes are so $$$ though! Maybe I can watch for sales.
I have been tossing clothes and shoes that are falling apart and that is very liberating!
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Relatable.
I spend more when I am crabby about shit weather that hurts my face. Lots of hygge (sp?) related shopping over the past month here. Fancy tea, fancy coffee, fuzzy blanket, warm slippers…
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I realized that if I don’t get takeout this weekend while Boyfriend is out of town, I can use that money to get tasty treats. And probably spend less too. Boyfriend wants weekly takeout and I usually go along with that.
And, that is good advice! Don’t move stuff we hate. We are not moving our shitty uncomfortable 15-year-old mattress, for example.
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That works perfectly! Hope you get something yummy and satisfying.
Gonna get something I usually don’t keep in the house because Boyfriend binges on it! 
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I do best when I keep a running list, and then pick off the things that are high priority.
But if something is ratty and it bothers me, I go ahead and replace it when I see a good deal. In your case, robes are often gift items, so you might see a good sale before Christmas, or an even better sale at the after Christmas clearance.
Ditto sheets.
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Also check on ebay a bit after Christmas. People like me will be offloading the gifts they did not ask for or want, often at a really good price.
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Also, unlike you, I am some kind of financial sociopath in that I don’t feel guilty about spending money on useful stuff, so I think it’s easier for me to say “That’s the end of this month’s budget - the rest will have to wait.”
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I have a few because I am definitely a shopper in my heart, haha. I think I’m naturally pretty materialistic and have always been that way, even though it’s not at all how I grew up.
Summary
Note: none of these should be taken as commentary on anyone else’s lifestyle! This is just what works for me specifically with my own vices and beliefs.
When I feel the feeling of “want” I try to figure out what it really is. I can categorize mine pretty easily. I think this is really important to do even if you have completely different splurges and reasoning than I do, because it helps make the tendency clearer, which makes it easier to fight.
Clothes and makeup
For me personally, when I want unnecessary clothing or makeup or skincare it usually means I do not feel very attractive. When I feel my most attractive I don’t crave as many new appearance related things. So if I feel unattractive I try to ask why and usually it is one of these: haven’t been working out, hair needs washing and conditioning, haven’t been treating skin properly, haven’t gone out dressed up in a long time, nails are a mess. Basically, when I haven’t been taking care of myself in the way I should, I want to bandaid it and buy something for dopamine instead of…actually taking care of myself. So on a day like that I might (instead of shopping) wash my hair, do my nails, at home facial, get dressed up nice, and walk to a cafe to get a coffee and read. That almost always does the trick and it just costs a $3 drink and it gets me outside and walking.
Household stuff
When I want household items that are unnecessary, I feel like usually the feeling is coming from jealousy or feeling like what I have is not good enough in some way, or could be better if only. To me, this can only happen when I stop appreciating what I already have, so my antidote is CLEANING. There is nothing that will make me want to buy more stuff less than emptying an entire closet or cabinet or whatever, scrubbing it clean, going through every item and cleaning that, and then putting it back away (with mindfulness). It almost embarrasses me sometimes, to see how much stuff I have when I was just internally griping about needing xyz. I also find I want less, in general, when my home feels really good, which to me is feeling clutter-free and clean and organized.
Random shopping
When my desires have no theme and are all over the map (food, clothes, decor, etc!) I think, again, usually it means I’m not doing something I should be doing. It’s like boredom shopping. So I try to run down the list: have I been diligent about working out? have I been reaching out to friends enough? when was the last time I left the house (doctor doesn’t count)? am I in a cooking rut?
Sometimes my random shopping is almost like…fantasy. It’s like I’m shopping for a vague future time when I’ll have grand plans (these plates will be perfect for imaginary dinner party! I could totally wear this next to a pool someday!). This means, for me, that I am not content with the more social and doing things part of my life. Sometimes a good fix is just getting out in the world; taking the train and going to the gym, for example. Another thing I do sometimes is find stuff to fill up my calendar, reach out to friends, make real plans! Even if I can’t make it to all of those plans, it helps me enormously in the moment to feel I do have a life and it is already full! I don’t have to imagine and play fantasy shopping to scratch that itch.
I deserve it shopping
So this is the kind of shopping that’s like “fuck it I’ve been through xyz-hard-thing so I deserve silly thing”. Almost always this follows something very upsetting or difficult in my life happening, where I feel I was wronged in some major way or where my suffering feels insurmountable. Sometimes the best thing for this is just…returning the stuff, haha, if I fail to curb the impulse to buy. The other thing I’ve been doing is trying to actually work through the feelings instead, reaching out to friends has been huge for me. I’m not that used to it still but it is really helping to just, say what’s going on with me. Sometimes that’s enough to let it out and get rid of the shopping urge.
If I still have that “I deserve a treat” feeling I will come up with something that is not shopping, like making sushi at home, or watching every LOTR movie in a row, or staying in my pajamas all day and listening to interesting lectures. Anything that makes me feel like I’m treating myself really well can itch the spot.
The other thing for this one is perspective. I try to get out of my own head and look at the big grand picture. And that often kills the urge for me. I talk to myself in a way a lot of people find harsh, but I find loving, like I’ll say, “Really? You specifically deserve this because what? Because not everything happened just how you wanted? Because of the nature of life being unfair? That’s life! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! You deserve to cultivate peace, not to buy a hand bag!” And that can re-center me enough to get back to where I want to be. I often imagine how someone with less than I have and more to deal with in terms of difficultly looking at my life and judging it. What would they say? What would they appreciate? What would they critique about me? That helps me be less self-centered.
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I realized I am doing this with yarn. I want something with a golden mustard tone, and I buy 5-6 skeins of yarn until I make the thing with one skein. And then I have many skeins of brown, gold, orange, tan, yellow alternates. Also grubby grey-purple yarns.
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Ohhhh, I can relate to a lot of this!
Clothes/makeup/skincare spending = I feel hideous, wrinkly, old, saggy. I mean… aging is what it is, unless one gets Work Done which I don’t want to. But a lot of the time I feel like a slob because, well, I’ve been wearing slobby clothes since I WFH and no one sees me and, what, am I just gonna sit around in the house in something nice? I do need to make an effort to wear nice clothes more often - I mean, not like I’m going to sit around the house in a corset or something that needs dry cleaned, but it wouldn’t kill me to expand beyond T-shirt/hoodie/jeans or PJ pants and put on something I feel good in.
I’m less tempted by household stuff these days because we’re in purge mode and I get stressed out sometimes looking around and thinking “OMG everything here needs to be Dealt With or packed in a box and argh can I just set it all on fire?” Mostly I’m tempted when something functions poorly or is falling apart. Like our cat-destroyed sheets that literally have elastic hanging out of them.
I think my version of “I deserve it” shopping is “Everything sucks” shopping. Probably because “deserve” is sort of a loaded word for me because of my brain stuff. But yeah, I totally fall into the “stuff sucks so I want to buy something so things suck less even though politics are on fire and covid is Still Fucking Going On” trap. This usually ends up being non-need food.
Especially since there’s still a lot of stuff I don’t feel safe doing yet because covid. I never thought I would miss the gym as much as I do! I miss it SO much. But, well, walked by there the other day and there was a whole bunch of dicknose and chin diapers, and my gym is TINY, so, yeah, no. 
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See that’s where I’m saying don’t just pack them aside…throw a bunch out. Seriously Kon Mari your wardrobe. Yes, be comfy at home, but I can do that in my pyjamas or in a dress + leggings. Pyjamas I also got rid of and no longer buy unless they make me feel cute. Get the sexy goth pj’s, and feel good lounging. Get black jeans that are soft but give you bad bitch vibes and wear a cute corset (plus jacket for zoom). I’m trying to translate how I do it to what I know about your style sense.
Same with hair and makeup. You don’t HAVE to do it at home, but why not skincare and eyeliner and nice hair? Figure out if you need it daily or weekly and do it. Same with getting dressed up and doing errands or getting coffee. I go out dressed up at least once a week (clothes, hair, makeup, decent shoes) because otherwise I feel ugly. Treating yourself badly won’t make you feel better. And like you said, there’s still lots you can’t do again yet.
The bedsheets…maybe don’t replace/don’t move them. Choose the new sheets though, it’s three months away. Choosing new curtains has got me through 6 months of puke brown curtains so far.
I think that you really treat yourself worse than I do, even when I’m minimum wage and Dollarama candy is my Friday takeout. Putting in the good stuff makes it easier.
There’s also a money philosophy on a podcast I lost. They tested a system of allocating money to education/personal development, charity, savings, and fun on a bunch of different incomes including below the poverty line. It worked out for all participants.
Have you done the OMD paperclip values exercise? It’s also a good reset when I’m overspending because I can compare how I’m spending to my beliefs and then I feel better about saying no to things I don’t like.
All formatting courtesy of Percy’s head butts
=“TrisPrior, post:773, topic:3575, full:true”]
Ohhhh, I can relate to a lot of this!
Clothes/makeup/skincare spending = I feel hideous, wrinkly, old, saggy. I mean… aging is what it is, unless one gets Work Done which I don’t want to. But a lot of the time I feel like a slob because, well, I’ve been wearing slobby clothes since I WFH and no one sees me and, what, am I just gonna sit around in the house in something nice? I do need to make an effort to wear nice clothes more often - I mean, not like I’m going to sit around the house in a corset or something that needs dry cleaned, but it wouldn’t kill me to expand beyond T-shirt/hoodie/jeans or PJ pants and put on something I feel good in.
I’m less tempted by household stuff these days because we’re in purge mode and I get stressed out sometimes looking around and thinking “OMG everything here needs to be Dealt With or packed in a box and argh can I just set it all on fire?” Mostly I’m tempted when something functions poorly or is falling apart. Like our cat-destroyed sheets that literally have elastic hanging out of them.
I think my version of “I deserve it” shopping is “Everything sucks” shopping. Probably because “deserve” is sort of a loaded word for me because of my brain stuff. But yeah, I totally fall into the “stuff sucks so I want to buy something so things suck less even though politics are on fire and covid is Still Fucking Going On” trap. This usually ends up being non-need food.
Especially since there’s still a lot of stuff I don’t feel safe doing yet because covid. I never thought I would miss the gym as much as I do! I miss it SO much. But, well, walked by there the other day and there was a whole bunch of dicknose and chin diapers, and my gym is TINY, so, yeah, no. 
[/quote]
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That is some serious wisdom.
I have cute house clothes too! I like cotton maxi dresses for home because they’re comfy and make me feel like a grecian goddess but one who has to do a lot of housework for some reason. I keep like 3 short sleeve and 2 long sleeve in my wardrobe at a time. I buy them on amazon for $12-$20 each, so it really can be cheap. The batch I have now is going on strong 3 years.
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Loving these breakdowns/ analysis of “why do I want the things?”
I would, like @elle suggested, throw out all the things you don’t like and konmarie the shit out of your wardrobe and entire house. You don’t want to move the crap, trust me! It will feel spacious and clean and luxurious of you only have the nice stuff left. I totally dress myself up to feel like “me” instead of Pajama slobmonster to just run around my house after my kids all day.
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Oh and the list thing, another thing I just read on @elle’s long excellent essay. I have a long running list of things I need/ want. I have one for kids toys, I have one for kitchen equipment, and I’m making one for stuff we’ll buy after our house is renovated - until then, I am only throwing out and not replacing, but I have the linens company picked out for new sheets, a couple of fabric makers picked out for either cushions or curtain fabric etc.
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I totally failed at “don’t move the crap you dislike” last year. I mean, we didn’t get much of a choice because 2020 was garbage and we had no able bodied people. But. God damn it do I regret it because now I have clutter and still am missing the functional things.
My bathroom is full of disorganized bins of stuff so I keep wanting new nail polish because finding my old stuff feels hopeless. Etc.
I shop a lot when I am bored and sad. I’ve gotten better at abandoning carts and just enjoying the fantasy of it without clicking buy.
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I like sending pictures of my new imaginary stuff to friends so they can admire it
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I do this too! Or, wishlists. My Sock Dreams wishlist is gorgeous. I am on a socks/tights buying moratorium because, well, my sock drawer barely closes 
. So I’m not going to buy any. But I still scratched the itch of “shopping.”
MAN, when I think about how in my 20s I would just, like, shop for fun or to have something to do… at least I generally do not do that any more, at least not in person. Entire weekends lost to running around Michigan Ave. downtown and buying shit I didn’t need. Let’s not discuss Sephora and Lush.
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