I had to stop listening after a little more than an hour into it. It was when Drew was talking about her vague ownership situation with her Hawaii place that she owns it jointly but it’s unclear what happens if she ever ever has to sell it. I had to jump out of it after that she’s just too loony.
I really don’t understand the plans for the baby, but I guess Nicole is going to take the baby after the first year or so back to LA? But she’s gonna do all of her research work with a new baby in Hawaii the first year. Hmmm, OK. How nice that Nicole‘s parents are going to do free fulltime babysitting. Drew says she’s doubling her income, but we have to remember that she doesn’t make all that much as a life coach so as a therapist, yeah, she might double her income. The bulk of the money coming in under Drew‘s name is that rental property.
I’d like to know how she got the money to buy an expensive Hawaii property
I’d also like to know why they’re not getting married, legally married.
They indicated they were going to maintain separate households far into the future.
I’m partway through this episode and I’m not sure I’ll finish it.
I thought it was a red flag that neither one of them was willing to leave their family and friends to build their own family together.
Nicole’s finances looked reasonable. For example, her housing costs were less than 30% of her gross pay.
Drew’s finances on the other hand look like a train wreck. Housing is 60% of her income, and Ramit didn’t call her on that. Her guilt free spending is negative. When Drew gave her an ultimatum to get her own place, Nicole should have given her a similar ultimatum to get her finances in shape. Drew probably would have walked. I’m not sure why Nicole is with her.
As for doubling her income, let’s say she grosses $10K per month in private practice and sees 20 clients 4 times per week. That works out to $125 per hour, which is on the lower end for private pay therapy. There’s going to be additional costs in there for malpractice insurance, etc. Maybe she’ll work from home and won’t have office space. It will undoubtedly take time for her to build a practice, but if she can get and keep clients, maybe it’s reasonable?
I think you’re right about that, it takes time to build a practice and go through the steps to go out on your own. Maybe licensing laws are less strict in Hawaii?
I don’t think Drew really gets into practical details like that.
I totally expected to hate this couple but…I didn’t. They talked about feelings Much Less than I anticipated and while they definitely made 100% different decisions with money than I would have made, it felt like, with their update, they’re really taking their conversation with Ramit to heart and analyzing their options? The groceries thing was annoying—but mostly because I wish that was available to everyone, especially new parents or anyone struggling financially. I can’t be mad at them taking advantage of that opportunity when it doesn’t seem like they’re skirting income requirements or anything? The childcare plans are wild and totally unrealistic. What if your parents get sick/decide they’re unable to do 5 days a week? What do you do in the summer, if you’re in Maui? The Maui house lacking a contract is Not Okay when it’s providing substantial income, your housing, and now your baby’s housing at least some of the time. Beyond risky. I can’t believe Drew didn’t consider renting part time instead of owning/being a landlord until Ramit brought it up? Wild. I hope they go that route, it will be infinitely more stable.
I didn’t hear weaponizing of therapy language but admittedly I listened in chunks while also doing chores so probably missed it
I get why they’re together—one is bubbly and lives a vacation life based on vibes while the other is an anxious academic who loves numbers. They balance each other perfectly. And not wanting to be Officially Government Married is fine with me as long as you’ve got power of attorney and equal financial stake in the partnership which they do. They even had estate planning done and an adoption fund going prior to the baby which is impressive and not something us boring straights (I speak for myself) usually have to pay for when we have kids!
Idk, they’re figuring it out. Their rich life is not mine. The couples that bother me the most are the ones who needle and jab at each other or lie about mountains of debt
I think one thing that wasn’t adding up for me is Drew’s parent’s story. Ramit didn’t harp on it much but she discussed that they grew up in poverty and then didn’t have a good answer for how they got out other than “they worked hard”. And maybe that is a true story but also maybe she grew up with more privilege than she recognized.
I agree their follow ups were great and give me a lot of hope.
I think I have a personal strong reaction when women claim “I’m not a numbers person”. That was drilled into me from such a young age as an awful thing to say. As a woman in STEM I heard all of the time “oh I’m just not good at numbers” so flippantly from women as if that were a man’s role and that women are bad with math. Little girls hear and see that and men don’t have the same language. I realize this is my bias here and I’m being pedantic. It’s okay to not like numbers. I fully believe Drew is capable of understanding the numbers and being a competent financial partner and not hiding behind “math is hard” type of language. She might not like the way Nicole does her spreadsheet and that’s fine! Understanding numbers and liking them/being obsessive over them is totally different. I guess to use Ramit’s language it’s a bit “innocent doe” to me. I realize that in a lesbian couple maybe my bias needs to be put to the side because it’s not a traditional patriarchal situation. And it still bugs me lol.
Okay rant over. I do like how they spoke to one another and how much they had their shit together with the baby.
I had also never heard the term “bicoastal” prior to this episode. They used it as if it were a super common thing and that was interesting to me. Maybe it is more common for folks living in HI. I’ve heard the term “snow birds” for people who live in CO for the summer/fall but live in Arizona or Florida for the winter and maybe it’s the same thing language wise?
Super fair. She mentioned they moved to the Marshall islands for the bulk of her childhood? Not sure what cost of living is down there. And then she went to college in Alabama and lived in Taiwan. So she was accustomed to some wild financial extremes and out of the ordinary stuff
It is an awful thing but it’s also socialized into us as acceptable. I don’t blame her for following that script; I wish her parents had been like yours and fought that trope!
It also does seem like, from the talk with ramit to the update they sent, she has taken over the spreadsheet which is cool!! So maybe she will fight the trope as an adult
I’ve heard bicoastal only because I have friends who have moved from NYC to LA, then back to the east coast, which is a fairly common pattern I guess??? But yeah very different from my midwestern life haha
And like, I’m not going to be friends with these people. I’m not here defending their choices as rational or smart. But I’m more hopeful about them making good changes than some couples!
But household finances aren’t serious math they are just arithmetic. And while it is true that I leave daily financial functions to my husband because he is meticulous and I would not be as meticulous, I take serious interest in the overview of our household finances. I want executive summaries of our assets, our spending, our income. I monitor those overview numbers carefully on a regular basis.
I think of him as the staff accountant, and I’m the CFO. Haha.
