Yes! Ramit was like “add up all the costs that come with a house-- and those will grow”. Um, does he live in rent stabilized housing? He talks like rent is a fixed expense that never increases and it’s freaking weird.
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Oh, also Ramit’s “Conscious Spending Plan” is worthy of mockery. “It’s not a budget, that looks backwards but the Conscious Spending Plan looks forward”. What the heck does that even mean? It’s just fancier wording for a budget 
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In the show he seems to do a good job of not judging people’s spending choices because that’s his whole hook (“Ok, you can spend on that if that’s what you value for your rich life”), but I suspect that IRL he’s a Judgy McJudgerson who feels that his own choices are the ones with Actual Intrinsic Value.
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New episode out today with the follow up from the show. I’m interested in y’all’s thoughts on this. It was hard for me to watch, made me physically uncomfortable actually to watch.
My husband is a stay-at-home home dad starting his own business while I have a job outside of the house.
All that “I” talk made me so, so so uncomfortable. And I just completely disagree with how she is treating him in that situation.
Also some of the comments on the YouTube are snarky but true - in particular I saw a comment about learning what shared money/half of funds would really feel like in the event of divorce.
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I just skimmed the transcript. They seem in a much better place since the beginning of the show but she still doesn’t trust him with any financials?!
Also I thought it was weird that Ramit gave out his phone number to them but we could all hear what it was!
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I am glad the commets are spelling out the complete bullshit and financial abuse with Amani and Matt. I hate how Ramit added into it in the show by devaluing the work Matt does at home by telling him to get a job and put in his kids in daycare when his heart wasn’t in it. That’s not Matt’s version of a rich life.
ETA: Not just get a job fof financial reasons, but so Amani can respect him more and he can feel better about himself. 
Nope nope nope.
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When I listened the number was beeped out. They must have updated that!
It really, really bothers me that she still doesn’t trust him with the money at all. I don’t understand why he doesn’t stand up for himself and insist that he has full transparency in their finances. I noticed that when Amani was talking about the new house and their situation now, she kept saying “I made this big decision”, “I bought the house”, “I decided I had to buy it”, “I didn’t want to miss out” etc. There were no “we” statements at all. It makes me wonder if Matt’s name is even on the deed, or if she did it all entirely in her own name.
My husband doesn’t want to listen to it. He was really, really bothered by their segments on the show and after I told him that nothing has really changed in regards to their finances, he said he thinks he will skip it. In our house you could say that I “control the finances”. However, we have a joint checking, joint savings, and joint ally savings account. We have a joint brokerage account at Vanguard. Neither of us have our own accounts. We don’t technically have any joint credit cards, but there is full transparency and all of our cards are linked into the joint YNAB and Mint accounts. (I guess I have my own retirement account, but we count it as “our” money too). We both have access to all of the passwords. We just keep our own credit cards in our own wallets. I do the physical work of paying of the credit cards every 2 weeks, allocating the money into the budget in ynab, etc, but he and I talk about all of it. We decide together where to put our savings and how much to allocate where. I don’t talk to him first about purchases I make when I’m at Target or Costco, but anything else that get’s purchased is a discussion first, pretty much regardless of cost. I might be the one who makes the income, but it is OUR money, and we are partners who are building OUR life together, so we both have equal say in how that money is managed and spent. I do not devalue the work that he does as a stay at home parent.
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I can see why that couple would be triggering for him even though your situation has nothing in common with them except having a stay at home dad.
They just aren’t equals in their relationship and it definitely crossed some lines for me into an almost abusive situation (definitely financially if not emotionally). I didn’t watch the follow up yet but I do want to. There are approximately zillion ways for couples to handle/divide finances that are healthy and fair and it primarily comes down to respect. She doesn’t respect him and for most people that eventually leads to divorce. I think he needs therapy.
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They forgot to take it out of the transcript! 
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Okay this episode is so frustrating. I guess to spin it as a positive- for us we will keep looking at finances and decisions as a team. I think she is in for a rude awakening on how much money the judge will take from “her” to “give” to Matt in the divorce.
“I don’t trust him to invest in his business” and her saying he has gained it from running the Airbnb but she doesn’t actually let him do any of it??? Why would you take the words of your friends about the house over that of your family???
The worst part for me- what are their girls learning about finances and relationships from their parents? They are going to have so much to untangle as adults.
I’m really glad Ramit shared his opinions that this isn’t okay.
Also you don’t test your partner. Full stop. That is one of the worst things she said.
She is in the YouTube comments saying they have a prenup (but spelling it wrong). Im curious if that includes money made after being married but honestly it doesn’t matter. She is using that as further exuding her behavior and keeping everything as hers.
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Another podcast that people here might like is Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel. It doesn’t have the money side of things but it’s real couples counseling sessions with identifying information edited out.
I just listened to “You want me to watch the kids while you go out with other men?” which is about a couple (Indian-American woman and Black man) where they were each others’ firsts and are now an open relationship. It was a good, interesting episode but then there’s a follow up “You want me to watch the kids while you go out with other men? where are they now” and ho.ly. shit. They get into some of the husband’s baggage and WOW I’m just so surprised that none of it came up in the first session but of course there was other stuff to talk about and the sessions are only an hour long. Shrek was right, people are onions with so many layers. I can’t find a direct link to the episodes but they’re available in all the usual podcast places. The podcast isn’t a weekly thing and you’ll have to go back in the archives a bit to find those two episodes, but please tell me if you do cause I really want to talk with someone about them.
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Looks like MMM has hopped onto the “live your rich life” train! His latest article is very much inline with what we have all been discussing here. I really enjoyed this read. The only difference for me is that I am not going to wait until we are retired and have a massive net worth to enjoy our money now. I always enjoyed MMM’s writing style and laying things out so clearly, and this article is no different.
For those of you that don’t want to read it, the TLDR is that he is using these three principles to enjoy his money and spend with purpose: the Minimum Spending Budget, the Dedicated Money Wasting Account, and the Splurge Accountability Buddy.
I feel like many of you have helped with being my splurge accountability buddies, so thank you! This quote really stood out to me as a principle I have been using lately: “What got you here, Won’t get you where you’re going.”. There are stages and phases of life and it is okay for your spending habits to align with that. There is no trophy for being the most frugal person in the room, and there is a real social cost when you cross from being frugal into being cheap.
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I am also feeling a little silly now for going with the Hyundai insead of a Tesla…lol.
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I rented a Tesla when we were in Santa Fe. It made me really uncomfortable that if it lost power, we wouldn’t be able to get out of the car. Plus it’s got this super weird braking thing where the second you take your foot off the accelerator, it starts automatically braking instead of coasting to a stop. It’s great for highways but I would not like it for city driving. And… it’s too much computer. All cars are too much computer now but the Tesla more than others and I just don’t entirely trust it.
So even though I really enjoyed speeding on the highway, I personally would never get a Tesla. Plus, ugh Elon Musk In case this helps you feel better about your decision! 
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Okay. I listened to that episode. WOW. Wow wow wow. I remember listening to the initial session maybe last year.
When I listened to the first…third? Of the episode, I felt pretty confused. Throughout it, they’re unearthing all of these very harsh dynamics and feelings but there’s also a really…tender sense of earnest fondness for each other that I felt really came through.
And then by the end of the session - you start to see the fuller picture, the excavating of what’s really going on, and just…wow. the nonmonogamy is the least important piece of this dynamic, it’s just the latest outlet for them both to replay these patterns.
Anyway now I have Thoughts also and would love to dig into it more (new thread??)
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Big change in tone! Feel like he is kinda late to catching on considering he is 18 years or whatever into it. 
Personally I also don’t think you need to wait until FI, that if you can get ahead a little there’s a lot of optionality and fun while still letting compund interest do its thing.
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Okay I’m finishing up the Netflix show and one of the honeymoon locations I think I saw on Worlds Most Amazing Vacation Rentals in the destination weddings episode, but it’s also a Netflix show. So now I’m wondering if it’s a bit like House Hunters for that detail at least. Or maybe they are considering $50k for their honeymoon location.
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My coworker just sent me this and said “this is the podcast guy you love/hate, isn’t it?” https://www.cnbc.com/2023/05/02/ramit-sethi-why-renting-can-be-better-than-owning-a-home.html
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Homeownership is an expensive investment that shouldn’t be taken lightly, yet the idea that property is always a great investment has become a “religion” in the U.S., he says.
So true.
This got too long
Although I feel like all the maintenance, HOA, taxes, etc stuff ends up in your rent anyway, eventually. If your landlord can’t recoup those costs from your rent, they can’t afford to rent to you. (I guess sometimes people rent at a loss if they are in RE for the investment/value gains but whatevs).
I feel like the real costs they don’t address are opportunity cost and risk. Since it is now more profitable in many fields to switch jobs every 2-5 years and not stay with one employer for 30 years, being able to move to where you are most valued is an opportunity for wage growth.
And even if you have ties keeping you in an area for longer (family, kids in school, just love area), you are taking on the risk of housing market swings or unexpected events/major repairs. If you end up needing to sell in a down market… You’re out of luck! And even if insurance covers non routine repairs, dealing with contractors and insurance people is time lost!
To be clear nothing against buying I just agree with him it’s a huge decision, especially in the big VHCOLA metros, and the downsides get glossed over in layman’s discourse!
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As a side note, we could buy a house for cash in Human’s Midwestern hometown, or where his parents live. Maybe put 50% down on something nicer. We can’t do a 20% DP in our area yet 
Like I can see why we would have some dissonance with his parents about homeownership…
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