ILU. Can’t wait to listen to this one!
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Ty for the updates because I don’t have the emotional fortitude to listen
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Extremely iconic of Ramit to drop this one on Valentine’s Day
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Why not?
Valentine's Day Live React BC We're Worth It
Buckle up, buttercup.
Ramit found these Poor Unfortunate Souls (#ursulaforever) in one of his money coaching classes. Ramit was so floored by their situation he was like plz come on my podcast/youtube and for some reason they agreed. Let’s meet the contestants!
David is 45 and Melody is 39. They live in Texas and Ramit says things should be going well because all of their expenses are paid by tenants they have. Melody wants stability and a plan, David has never had any money and is resigned to that. They see money differently!
We’re hearing Melody first. She says she and David have been together for 16 years and made BIG STEPS forward. They’re talking about money more but she holds a lot back in the conversation because she’s not confident. They talk about rich life a lot but not how to get there which makes Melody anxious because she has a brain and the ability to reason. She feels like if she doesn’t pay for things they won’t happen, which feels limiting to her.
Ramit is reading the question Melody asked in the class. The tone these two have with each other is weird. She sounds super terrified, on the verge of tears, and he sounds passive aggressive. The question is what do you do if your partner is self-employed, not booking work (so unemployed, lol), $20k in debt, and won’t talk about money until he’s out of debt, but he has no plan and you pay for everything. David’s immediate reaction to this is, “Melody doesn’t pay for everything, not even close.” Ramit agrees and gives David credit for paying for things. David says he’s heard these questions from Melody before. He sounds annoyed.
Melody says she doesn’t know how to make this situation change. She says, “David is David” which I think is a nice way of saying he’s a stubborn SOB. She says she chose him as a life partner “even knowing that” but that it’s starting to feel different at almost 40 than it did at 25. Yikes. She says they both work so hard and she is feeling more urgency about retirement and stuff because they’re getting older. She feels the window for creating rich life is passing.
Ramit asks David what he thinks of when he hears the word money and, and this is super bizarre, the first thing he says is: MELODY. So…that’s weird. He also says, “freedom and debt”. Uh-huh. He wants to make more money and he thinks about his debt constantly, he says. He says he has $22k of credit card debt, all his cards are maxed out and it feels suffocating. I bet! That would be awful. He says he’s had this debt for 3 years.
When Melody thinks of money she thinks of the words: responsibility, sacrifice, and fun? She says fun with a question mark, lol. She says she grew up very restricted with money. We’re getting to childhood stuff early in this one! Her parents had a business together but her dad didn’t pay the taxes (wtf) so when they split up he left the state and her mom got stuck with everything. Wow. What a gem.
Melody says David works hard and has the best intentions. She thinks they are just missing the right tools. I think she already has a tool. Ba-dum-ching! David says he hears here and agrees but that he’s defensive right off the bat. That’s always good, lol. He agrees money will help their dreams come true. Then says, “but I don’t know.” He says it doesn’t hurt him AT ALL to hear this though, even though he sounds super offended, lol.
She says their agreement now is that she buys the goods and David builds what they need. That seems insane to me unless he can hand craft her a 401(k) out of two-by-fours.
Ramit is asking us which clues we hear about their situation. Bahahahaha, oh Ramit. You sweet, sweet boy. Now he’s telling us the “clues”, i.e. recapping what they just said.
Ramit wants to know why they’re talking money now and what’s going on in their lives. David started a business in the last two years. He’s a carpenter, builds decks, etc. He says he was at $15k debt in the beginning of the year but he decided to get a loan to help only have one payment? A consolidation loan I guess, but he says his debt went right back up. Ramit asks his approach to getting rid of the debt. He says he doesn’t have one and he is only paying minimums. His interest rate is 26.5%.
AHHHHHH!!!
Ramit is shocked, and David says, “yeah that’s what Melody said too,” but seems mostly unaffected. Ramit is now explaining to us the impact of this type of interest rate. I’m not recapping because you already know how ridiculous this is.
David says the interest rate doesn’t mean much to him. Melody says she just wants to fix the debt. Ramit wants to know feelings. She said she feels sad for him that he thinks about it so much. She has $5k on credit cards and she knows how it feels to have more debt than that. She feels panicked because he has no plan and she doesn’t know how it’s going to change. Girl. This probably isn’t going to change.
David says his Dad worked constantly and his Mom was always worried about money. Childhood stories now. He said he had a good upbringing but his Mom often cried about money and they were into keeping up with the Joneses. He says that’s shaped him. So when he was 17 he was like “fuck money” and he was proud of that. He traveled around, would work as needed then camp around, etc. Sounds like he did some cool shit and he said money didn’t matter. It wasn’t until he was like 38 that he settled down at all. He started to want more than farming and traveling and having nothing. He said one year he added up his hours and realized he was only making like $4.77 an hour so he stopped farming and decided to shift to carpentry. Basically now money suddenly matters to him and he’s scared. He doesn’t want to talk or think about it tho because he wants money to be unimportant. Money makes him uncomfortable.
Ok we’re learning about the property. They have a bunch of land and a huge farmhouse. They have renters in the house and a rental airstream. That income covers all of their basics (land, house, etc.). That’s pretty cool!
Melody says they say they are financially separate but she is realizing that in reality that doesn’t make sense. They have no combined finances but either she covers a lot of things or…then she says, “there’s no way you can build a life with someone and actually have thing totally separate.” We can harmonize on that one, Melody. So Melody says she actually owns the house and she pays for most of the expenses. Melody has the higher income. She says, “David doesn’t understand the impact that just me covering groceries has.” He’s silent. She says she feels petty. GIRL. Wanting to feel appreciated because you are the sole breadwinner is not petty.
She’s talking in circles a bit about how if they were 50/50 or if he paid into an IRA it could be different, but she says she knows she has to pay into the IRA and buy the food because he doesn’t have the money. She just keeps saying there’s no plan, no unity, that things feel unstable. I feel really bad for her. She’s crying-ish. She says she’s done with this constant stress.
Now Ramit is asking David what he pays for. He says, “Dog food, and we buy really good dog food.” NEXT. Get this fool outta here. He’s like, “what else…uh, I do most of the car repairs,” those aren’t expenses they are chores. He says he spends like $50-$100 A MONTH on general house stuff, like lightbulbs. David says he feels like he’s in the best position he’s ever been in with money, in his life because he’s working for himself and he’s a hard worker. He says he sees his own potential. Bahahahahaha. I love it. He says he’s making more than he’s ever made. WHY IS HE NOT PAYING FOR ANYTHING?
This guy is delusional. He doesn’t answer questions directly. Ramit asked why he hasn’t paid off debt if he is making more, and he says because he spends it. Then he says, “I either have $50 or $5,000! It’s just how I am!” BAAARF. BARF. I’m barfing.
I’m only halfway but I actually gtg 
sorry babes. Def listen to this train wreck if you can.
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Ramit misspoke and she is actually 39.
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Phew! I was doing the math on them being together for 16 years and her being 29 and I was starting to get uncomfortable.
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I love you and thank you for your service.
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This comment alone made my whole day.
Thank you @AllHat I hope you have a fabulous day.
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Oh this woman is so ****** and she doesn’t even know it.
I’m thinking, She needs to get rid of this guy.
The houe is in her name - but -
Texas is a community property state. Everything they’ve acquired is considered jointly owned, having the house in her name isn’t going to help her.
Then this part that they aren’t opfficially married but they had a wedding.
I google, TX recognizes common law marriages.
I wonder how they’ve filed with the IRS.
Lady, you already ARE financially married to this guy. Unless you leave and he chooses not to contest it.
Get a good lawyer if he does.
The saddest part though is she doesn’t have the self-respect to see what a loser this guy is and get rid of him.
Every so often I can feel a little pity for him because he doesn’t believe in himself either.
His background keeps changing. Is he in the shop? In his closet? When is he doing all this going back and forth?
Sometimes her body language / facial expression contains so much anger.
Other times she looks so hopeful.
I bet they have a hell of a fight after this call.
Unless he blows her off too much to even fight about it.
Ramit called him on some shit near the end -
as in , “You say you want to do this but you don’t, saying it is easy.”
Score one for Ramit.
David: “Our relationship with money as a team is just a few months old,”
Uh, dude, you’ve been together 19 years, wtf does that mean?
It should have been the clearest clue of all to her about what a future with this guy looks like.
The follow up, particularly the letter from David, sounds too good to be true.
Unfortunately the follow up letters are no longer being posted online.
If what he wrote is true, it’s the best Come to Jesus episode Ramit has even done.
I find myself wondering if she wrote both letters with the outcome she wanted but not reality. To me there was nothing the episode suggesting Ramit had broken through to him anywhere near that much.
These last two couples were rough. Not sure I can handle many more like that.
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Hahaha, huuuugs! 
Tips hat @RamonaQ
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Sometimes I wonder why Ramit is trying to fix something. Granted I’ve only listened to the first couple of minutes but already I’m thinking “RUN MELODY RUN!”. It’s not even just the money. He is stifling her.
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Ok yeah I’m not convinced dude is actually bringing in an income? Melody plz take a deep breath and drop kick the tool…
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I think he’s covering the $1300 minimum on his credit cards and not much more.
I also wasn’t too crazy about the idea that he’s contributing a lot to the upkeep of the property. They didn’t talk about what Melody was contributing, but I bet it’s not nothing.
This may not be fair, but he strikes me as the kind of person who spends a fair bit of time drunk. Just the way he talks, avoids answering questions, plays the innocent doe a lot, and in general avoids taking any responsibility. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was under the influence during the interview.
If he did wake up at all, it was the part where Melody said she wasn’t sure about making their marriage official because of the financial uncertainty. But she also said repeatedly that her was her life partner and I’m sure he heard that too. I still don’t think the follow-up letter was genuine, I still have a hard time reconciling the supposed changes with the person I saw in the interview.
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But he provides all that free labour (that Ramit doesn’t usually like to get into when it’s stuff like washing up or cooking meals, but we are talking about very serious lawn mowing here…
). I still haven’t finished the episode but I got the impression that the property is Melody’s but working on the land is his thing.
I’m confused about the land. Did she buy or inherit it and he came with it?
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I wondered this too! The phrasing was oddly similar and very different to how he spoke.
Standing ovation.
I kept eye-rolling when the guy was talking about how proud he was of his business and how he considered it a success. I feel like my mantra while listening to this podcast is quickly becoming: If you are not making money it is not a business. (Obvious disclaimer if you have an actual plan and know you won’t be profitable for x time, etc.)
I cannot conceive how someone thinks they are doing well at running a business when they are not making money at that business and don’t know any of their basic numbers. It reminded me of the lady on another episode who had said she’d been “in business” for years and had just learned what a P&L sheet was. My tiny brain couldn’t take it.
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Right?
I loved the episode where Gail told a woman that if she’s not making money, it’s not a business, it’s a hobby.
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It seems so obvious! I mean by these people’s standards I guess I could claim I’m a professional chef with a successful restaurant, lol. I have one table and feed two people each night. It’s very exclusive.
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I think I just hate when Ramit tries to get out of his lane. There are quite a few people who can benefit from the message “you have already saved more than you could ever spend, lets get you to be okay with being generous and spending things that matter”.
I hate telling people to stay in their lane. BUT I think here it would benefit him. He is trying to go outside of his expertise and experience, badly, because there is a larger market of people who need help getting to financial stability and are probably more likely to pay for his products. I can’t imagine it is easy selling expensive classes and courses to cheap rich people.
He has, however, become a better host in situations that are not in his wheelhouse. But there are still others that I think could be more helpful to those in great debt.
I like rich and regular and some of IWTYTBR because of talking about how money is really emotional. Those of us FIRE types tend to suppress or ignore those facts and treat money as numbers to the detriment of our relationships.
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