I really hated that one. I think Brian is a selfish, immature jerk (who also talks too damn slow!!). Serena deserves better.
I’m not sure I’m into Ramit pretending to be a couples therapist, but it is interesting to hear these stories.
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Yeah I am starting to worry, some of these folks need therapy. With a licensed therapist!
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Brian is too scared/unsure to say anything about what he actually wants, so he’s not capable of having an actual conversation about his wishes and dealbreakers. He just pretends he wants what everyone around him thinks he should want (you can hear him fumble around trying to say what he thinks Ramit thinks is a good idea), then slow fades/does whatever he actually wanted to begin with. It also sounded like he had a pitch prepared for his company and he was incapable about talking about the future without pulling directly from that script.
It sucks because if he just put all his cards on the table they might be able to figure something out.
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Episode 10: content warning for fatphobia/ diet culture. I’m skipping it.
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New episode just dropped (#23) but ugh, I found it painful. Ramit is right, getting a beach house in Carmel is not going to be the key to her happiness.
One or two of the episodes I’ve heard, the couples had been to therapy in the past already. That reminds me of another podcast, I’ll try to look it up when I’m on a real computer later.
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The podcast Death, Sex, and Money did a three episode Financial Therapy series with an actual therapist that focuses on money issues and one couple. It originally aired in August 2021 if you’re scrolling back through their feed, the episode names are:
Financial Therapy: A Secret Gambling Addiction
Financial Therapy: Struggling to Trust Again
Financial Therapy: A Baby, And A Plan
I’d be really interested to hear what other people think of it.
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I love DSM. I think Anna Sale is one of the best interviewers out there. I am of course behind in my podcast listening but I’ll let this jump the line–will be interesting to compare!
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I haven’t been listening but I refuse to believe this is true 
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Maybe not, but I also got the sense that he really loved the 1920s house they bought, and she kind of went along with it, like “I’m happy you’re happy”. Also made me wonder how many of his dreams “just made sense” to execute now (4 cars?) where her beach house dream “made sense” to postpone? I’m not saying he intentionally steamrolled her dream but I wonder if she let him, basically. (Whether or not satisfaction of the dream would make her happy, feeling like they’re moving away from that goalpost/can’t move toward it seemed to be contributing to her insecurity.)
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In this one about cultural obligations to give money to family, Ramit mentioned his 10 Money Rules. Found them on his site:
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I do like the focus on saying yes to what you value, and having that be the foundation instead of restrictions.
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Same. This is basically my entire life plan.
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I just listened to this one and I was blown away at the end when they set the goal to each save $500 per month. I know she kept saying earlier in the episode that they were spending everything, and she even tried to say it would take 10 years to come up with $60k for new windows in their house, but with a combined $425k salary I assumed they still had savings and such on auto-pilot and she was exaggerating by saying they were spending everything. Then they set that goal and I was astounded.
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They said earlier they could have bought the house and did the repairs but they would have drained their savings, so they got a mortgage. So they have around 1.5M saved and accessible… I was hoping they also match 401k, but that can still feel like not saving anything when your expenses (even temporarily) take all your take home or exceed it.
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Yeah, this is where I got confused. I thought they said that, but then they said that by buying the house they were now 10 years away from buying the beach house, and they couldn’t come up with $60k for the windows, so then I was like, maybe the $1.5M is in their retirement accounts, and not necessarily easily accessible for spending purposes?
I think part of my problem understanding some of this is because I’m listening while working so I’m only giving it part of my attention.
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Obvious solution here is to quit your job.
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Right now, I fully support that assumption 
As it is I’m taking time away from my job because my mind is still blown by this.
I just ran really rough, back of the envelope numbers. If they are making $425k per year, maxing out their 401ks, paying 37% taxes, and have a 30 year payment on a $1.5M mortgage, that still leaves them with over $13k per month in disposable income outside of the mortgage payment. And they are setting a goal to save $1k joint per month. That is still absolutely mind blowing.
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Oh but don’t forget the renovations and the FOUR CARS.
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But renovations aren’t real spending, they’re putting money into the house! And houses are always a good investment.
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