What are they spending their money on?!!
I want to know!!!
2 Likes
My impressions of the episode
This guy is an @$$#0Le
He was combative and insulting early on, then partway through seemed to shift to tell Ramit what he wanted to hear.
When I heard about the hidden accounts, I thought heās up to something like:
a) Heās sheltering assets to pass on to his kids
b) Heās got a mistress
c) Maybe heās hiding a gambling problem
My moneyās on a) or b)
The fact that heās hiding money and not contributing to expenses is a big, big red flag. She needs to leave this guy. I fear sheās going to end up saddled with some of his debt but I think this will only get worse over time.
At some point he kind of shifted to playing along with Ramit, saying what Ramit and Ashley wanted him to say. I think he decided to change nothing, more or less go with the flow, and buy time. Buy time for what? Whatās he getting out of this?
All I can guess is he wants a nanny so he doesnāt need to pay for childcare, and her being a teacher with summers off works well with that. I donāt think he really loves or respects her, I think he is just using her to help him build his wealth.
Ramit really dropped the ball on this one
I agree with @AllHat that he could not spot the lies.
Or the condescension. Man he was insulting to her in the beginning.
All of this about the secret account and what it would take make her feel more secure? Put her name on the account, as a beneficiary if itās not allowed to be a joint account, at a minimum.
This one really is about Poolers vs Splitters. She wants to pool, he wants to split. Not surprisingly he earns about 4x what she does, but he doesnāt want to contribute to household or kid expenses. He wants to save all of his money, ski with his friends and retire early.
Ramit drops the ball part 2
The math didnāt hang together.
They agree to put money in a joint account, 90% of their take home pay (His: $25,636, though his income indicates his gross is like $35K per month); Hers: $11,189 / month for 9 or 10 months of the year). Somehow that works out to $4000 for him and $1000 for her. It wasnāt clear to me if that was the ratio; to me it sounded like that actual amounts.
Then the 10% that they each get for their own discretionary spending comes from that! And Ramit congratulates him on how generous he is!
Completely missing that each of them also took 10% off of the top (assuming they each contributed 90%, and not actually $4K / $1K), and the guyās 10% works out to 4x her 10%.
Notice that all of his bonuses are conveniently excluded from the joint account; neither Ramit nor Ashley seemed to catch that.
Thereās also no real plan for those months she has no income.
And they are going to create a budget and stick to it. It sounds to me like heās going to hold her accountable for grocery spending and heāll be held accountable for absolutely nothing.
7 Likes
Holy crap I just started reading and it starts off with a GIANT LIE. I already hate this guy.
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And donāt forget, Ramit also made her thank him for being so generous. Barf.
I agree with basically everything you said. I think this one has some added interest because so many couples nowadays do separate finances to minimize strife around money. And this was kind of like, a worst case scenario of that? Like we all know the worst case scenario of combining finances, but Iāve never seen one like this where things are separate but one person is still lying like crazy and going back on their word and manipulating and refusing to contribute to the joint stuff, etc. The guys said paying towards joint expenses felt like a burden FFS. And he tries to frame it all as wanting to FIRE but then she brings up that he goes on multiple expensive golf trips to Vale each year? And he is literally hiding money. Likeā¦what about that??? That is not an issue solved by creating a ārich life visionā or whatever. Ramit was so soft on him.
It was sad when she said her last marriage ended with the guy absolutely wrecking her financially. Like itās her pattern, I guess. I wonder why/how that happens with someone ending up with two in a row who just want to fleece her. I canāt believe Ramit was tricked so effortlessly too, like this guy wasnāt a mastermind. It was super obvious the entire time.
8 Likes
I did a light skim but couldnāt read it thoroughly because it was too painful to read.
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AMA, haha, I listened to the whole thing.
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Oh no. I recently watched a separate-finances relationship that was actually financial abuse break down and itās ongoing and messy, so Iām not sure if this will be carthartic (sp?) or baaad.
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Oh my GOD. RAMIT. From the first goddamn sentence of the transcripts you should know the guy should be kicked to the fucking curb. (Kerb?)
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My money is on a AND b. This isnt about people who prefer to pool or split expenses. This is a dude who wants to live off his lower earning wife and play. Its exactly the dynamic in the couple i just watched implode in real life.
Thank you Ramit for being clueless so I could get out some of my Feelings.
7 Likes
This guy is shady af. I cannot imagine being in a partnership, and I canāt tell my spouse what I make each month, and I donāt have a ballpark idea of what they make each month? Like, how do you LIVE? What do they even talk about?
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āHe wonāt even look at meā YOOOO thatās how you LIEEEEE tho!!!
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The thing that raisins my cookie the most about these types of guys is like, the sheer audacity of the lie. Like, if I were the host/wife I would be like, āas someone who makes over $400,000 a year you must have to get buy in for things at work, think strategically, and be a pretty smart guy, right? Do you really expect me to believe that you are incapable of stating your own income and explaining investments to your wife? How is that you know youāre going to retire in 7 years if you donāt know how much you make?ā
Like PUHLEASE. This is not an āunsophisticated personā (registered trademark of AllHat industries). This guy is in the top 2% of earners in the USA. And he canāt figure out a pay schedule? But he can figure out his finances well enough to know his exact retirement timeline.
11 Likes
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I stole that from Kimmy Schmidt, lol.
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WORD. Theyāre taking money out of the joint brokerage to pay for groceries while he has an E*trade account with 13K added each month? Girl! HOW DID IT GET TO THIS POINT?!
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Omfg this man is really explaining stock investing to Ramit?
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I know!!! I think she is truly terrible at math, she had a lot of trouble understanding the 10% thing and kept getting mixed up. I feel like she is verbally a lot slower than he is too so he just talks circles around her and then she sort of nods and before she knows it heās like, āgreat, Iām glad we agree!ā and she doesnāt even know whatās happened. And if she asks a question he makes her feel stupid so she shuts up, because he makes so much more he must be smarter, right? Narrator: he isnāt.
Itās so deeply uncool. Like if you have a skill that really outstrips your partner you have to be ethical and also talk to them where they are. I am way faster, verbally and in the moment than my husband. He is super smart! But if I wanted to I could confuse and manipulate the fuck out of him conversationally, and basically talk circles around him until he was so confused he just agreed. I donāt do that because, uh, Iām not a huge asshole. And when he is explaining complex math or programming or whatever to me he isnāt like, smashing me over the head with statistics and regressions and shit. He finds a way to explain it in terms I can understand, like an analogy, or using an easy number like 100. He could just lie and make stuff up and Iād believe it, but he doesnāt.
I just really donāt like when people take advantage based on an imbalance, like this guy is. Itās no different than a strength imbalance itās just less obvious the the other person.
10 Likes
I donāt even understand what Ramit thinks his role is here. Heās talking about conscious spending plans and shared accounts while sheās repeating over and over that the joint accounts arenāt reflecting the amount they already agreed upon? Like heās just rewriting her asks with his book lingo.
6 Likes
Iām 1000% not listening to this. I saw this happen to a friend in real life and itās so so terrible. Thanks for the blow by blow folks!
Iām incredibly upset with Ramit for being so fing clueless. The first thing you learn about being a good interviewer is to come in with an open mind and flow with the conversation. He has a pre written script in his head on what he wants to say and where he wants to go that he is literally incapable of listening or adjusting. He has one round hole and is trying to put all sorts of pegs- star, triangle, square- through it and itās just not working. Blegh.
11 Likes
Heh. Hehehehe.
This episode is THE ACTUAL WORST.
7 Likes