Very true. Communication issues on both ends.
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thatās one of the eps i couldnt get through!
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Just listened to the two-parter with Monique and Pablo. Put it on while I working on a puzzle with fiancĆ© and he got kinda into it! He called it my version of reality TV lol. Partially true but I do get more out of it than entertainment and smugness! It was a relief that they made some progress in the second session, and very interesting that we didnāt hear Ramit challenge the āgentlemen pay for everythingā idea directly.
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Thatās so great! Iām also of the take what applies and leave it mindset and have gotten a lot out of the podcast (both from what they say and what it makes me think about).
I donāt have hangups about spending on most things but I realized I kind of do when itās about really minor conveniences. I think itās because Iām good at doing things I donāt like and also that itās not that big of a deal to do it myself? Because I do other more unpleasant stuff all the time? Maybe itās a toughness complex of sorts.
Then I was thinking about what I get out of refusing minor conveniences and I think itās twofold. First, I think there is value in tedium a lot of the time. Iāve had the experience of growing gratitude because of doing little annoying things many times and Iāve seen the reverse as well. That kind of leads into my real crux which is: I think I have an irrational fear that if I start convenience* spending I will become a whiny pants who huffs and puffs about basic life tasks that should be appreciated, exceptā¦that will never happen because itās so counter to my nature. I think this thought has outlived its usefulness and I plan to change!
*Like peeled garlic vs whole garlic or those boxes of salad greens instead of full heads of greens or packing a cooler for a day trip to avoid buying food.
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Marmalade just got me to come over and listen to this financial video where Ramit was talking about his new podcast. He said that people donāt know how to spend, and that they should spend extravagantly on the things they love while mercilessly cutting back on the things they donāt. I see him focusing on the former but not so much the latter in the podcast?
@AllHat we never ever paid for restaurant delivery before but now the pandemic has made it a ānormalā thing for us. I still cringe a little every time but if the alternative is drive there, find parking, get the food, and drive it back, I (while being at home in my comfy PJs) end up agreeing to order takeout. Though sometimes I make pasta or convince Marmalade to make pasta instead 
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OMG yes you get it. The delivery fee drives me bonkers and I always second guess it. Like 70% of the time I end up not putting the order through and just eating instant noodles instead, lol.
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Yes. And that, even though Iāve been actively working on allowing myself to spend delivery fees because sometimes it gets me food thatās much more what I need right then (emotionally, physically, whatever) than the food I could manage myself. Sometimes cereal is the answer! But sometimes the delivery fee is, and the inconvenience to someone else to bring it to me (what am I, Rapunzel?.. I mean, possibly, her mama had a hard time with nutrition during pregnancy too). Iād like to just quit the angsting and get on with the food, whatever the decision is.
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This guy reminds me of a young version of my FIL. Unable to imagine a better life for himself. I shudder to think about this guyās senior citizen years.
That being saidā¦ I can see a little of him in myself. I have a hard time thinking about a rich life or about what I am saving for, sometimes, since my assumption tends to be all my money will go toward dementia care. Because that is what happened to my parents and they were wiped out financially.
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It would make sense if he was dealing with something like that, but based on the info we get in the episode, heās not, so itās doubly confusing!
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Paying for delivery - and giving a hazard pay-level tip because I felt guilty about putting workersā health at risk so I could get food - was really tough for me during the pandemic. I tried to frame it as, āI have a job, these people are worse off financially than I am, I CAN help even if I feel guilty about spending the money and not saving.ā Which helped.
We probably are going to be pivoting back to delivery for the next couple months because: winter, no car, minimizing time indoors because omicron.
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Yeah - and maybe he DOES have a fear like that, that he doesnāt want to talk about? Instead he comes off as someone whoās kind of miserly and maybe enjoys being miserable, like FIL?
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Has anyone listened to the latest episode? Iām listening right now and am v interested to hear what you all think of the āinnocent doeā dynamic he talks about. I think itās so dead on! I also like how he talks about honesty and being honest with yourself. I think I have a very similar outlook to him on that. And on being too soft! So Iām a fan of those parts for sure. I think heās also still kind about everything.
I am (as always) totally confused about his attitude towards food spending though. He brushes off her food spending as not at all a problem but she says she spends $200 a week on groceries, gets takeout for about $45 each time, and eats lunch out every single work day for between $9-$15. If you assume only one takeout meal a month and only $9 lunches thatās still $1,025 a month! And itās actually more because she said she sometimes spends up to $15 on lunch, and we donāt know how often she gets takeout.
IDK, like for super high earners (like $200k +) maybe thatās ok but her income is about $25k more than ours (which is still so. much. money.) and that spend would kill a lot of our savings. Especially since she says she canāt save anything for maternity leave! I also canāt help but hear those numbers and think āyouāre throwing away a lot of groceriesā because if youāre spending $200 a week and then still buying lunch out, I mean unless youāre only shopping at whole foods or something I donāt even know how it would be possible to eat that unless youāre an elite athlete or work manual labor.
Anyway, this is a good one IMO!
ETA: I spoketh too sooneth! He is talking about her food spend now and saying he suspects itās even higher (I agree it probably is). Whew, Iām relieved for her because itās like the easiest way to find money IMO!
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Iām almost caught up!!! I will be there soon!! The last few have had some couples that might be divorcing and that has bummed me out so Iām moving a little slower through them. Hoping Charles gets his act together in the second part (Ep 21).
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lmaooo
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Did we ever hear her husbands voice in that one? I kept expecting to get his opinion but I donāt think they left him in the episode (unless it was just her on the call but this is pitched as couples money counseling).
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No but Ramit says at the beginning that it will be focused on her since she was the one with the main issue (according to her). Itās a good one IMO, she seems super sweet.
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I find his approach to be really interesting. On one hand, I like that he tries not to judge anyoneās spending and he wants to let them spend their money however they choose to spend it. This totally works for the super high income couples who are making $400k per year and savings tons of money and have multiple millions of net worth. However, there are other couples on here who arenāt saving ANYTHING and he never actually breaks down their budget. I feel like some of these couples, including this most recent episode, really need him to go line item by line item through their spending and help them set realistic limits in areas. There were a few other episodes where I felt that way as well. Especially the one where they live in NYC and absolutely cannot afford to live in their current area. At least in that episode he comes out and tells the wife that they canāt afford it.
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Heās really focused on the psychology/emotions of it all, rather than the spreadsheet. I wonder if he does that part āoff cameraā as it were.
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I couldnāt decide if I believed she would pull it off. She seems really eager and excited to change but sometimes I felt like she was saying āyes, I can do thisā without actually thinking about it. And I think deliberately not thinking about it is the entire underlying issue of the āinnocent doe.ā
I donāt love how gendered that term feels, but it does capture the feeling and behavior very well. I usually call it āconsciously naiveā but innocent doe is much easier to imagine.
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I havenāt listened to it yet, but on the other side of maternity leave once I returned to work with a newborn at home we did a lot of lunches out and probably high grocery spend too and thatās exactly what drove me to finding out about FIRE. Like, Iāve only got so many hours and I love this little baby at home so how can I make my money work better for me so I can spend more time with my kid (and sleeping!) And the very first two big ticket things were our eating out amounts and the black hole in Quicken that was the āshoppingā category with I think $800/year just magically gone and I had no idea what it was spent on.
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