Can I just say that I adore your likes and dislikes list? 
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Is this also how I live my life? Who can say!
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Right?? I wouldāve been kicked out MULTIPLE times if I had to adhere to this. Iām one of those people who can clean for a week but someone whoās super picky (COUGH Boyfriendās best friend) will still find stuff that I missed.
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Correct! Carmel-by-the-sea is in Carmel, CA. The beach house context didnāt fly over my head!
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My feeling is that how people spend their free time and money shows what they care about most. I also think people tend to do the same things whether they get more time, money, or change locations. So Iād look at that. I think signs you are romanticizing something include:
- Spending large amounts of time thinking about it, reading about it, watching shows about it, but not doing it.
- Have never done it more than a hand full of times, if at all.
- Donāt know anyone closely who does it full time and has for years and years.
- Havenāt done all you could to be involved where you are. (the opposite would be someone in a suburb who had their entire tiny plot of yard farmed, so they havenāt farmed for real, but theyāve done absolutely everything possible in their space to be involved in that kind of work).
Iām always amazed by people who have kids without spending any time around kids or caring for them. Thatās not relevant itās just an aside. I think generally people do what they really want to do. So I think the best indication of what youāll do in retirement is what you do for fun now. Thatās been true for me. When I worked full time I still cooked every meal, and I cooked a lot even in a super tiny kitchen with no dishwasher and limited time. Now that I donāt work outside the home I cook AND bake, and I do so at a much more involved level and many more hours a week. I have a way bigger kitchen with a dishwasher. When I was working I tried to be active and took classes and did interesting workouts. Now that I donāt work I am even more active and I have some new interesting active hobbies, like cycling and a fancy climbing gym membership. I can go mid-week mid-day, and often do, rather than going on weekends and after work like I used to.
I never liked crafting. I liked the idea but couldnāt stick with it. I tried over and over and would be enamored with people who craft, but never stuck with anything long. I watched YouTube of crafters and HGTV. I bought kits and made attempts to knit, embroider, spray paint, etc. It never turned out well and I wasnāt persistent enough. Spoiler: I didnāt craft when I was working full-time and I donāt craft now.
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How much space do you have for growing things in your current living setup and are you maximizing its use? I would do that with a plan to give away any excess (to neighbors, food banks, etc.) as a first step. Then volunteer on other sites. Through a combination of this I have determined that I do not want to run a commercial farm myself, but I probably do want a permacultury space preferably with some kind of sunroom or greenhouse where I can overwinter things like small lemon and lime trees. Depending on location and insurance issues I may run some kind of ābring your kids by to help grow and harvest and explore natureā type activity as a way of getting to know/supporting my neighbors and helping to foster an interest in the environment. I will probably have a little free seed and garden resources library.
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You are one of the funniest people I have read in a while. I love your personality so much.
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So far, I recommend Episode 7. Interfamily drama, solid couple, cultural issues.
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Feeling is so very mutual!
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Because of this podcast, your commentary, and some other conversations with Mr. Ninja we have done our end of year financial review. There were some categories that were very high in spending and this was the first time we looked at each other and said āYes we spend a lot of money on XX, but you know what I am happy with that, it is inline with our values and I donāt want to try and reduce it next yearā THIS IS WILD TO ME YALL.
I have never gotten to the end of a year without feeling guilt and shame for spending so much money on a category and trying to reduce it in the next one, then failing because the truth is I never wanted to reduce my spending in that category anyways.
This is a very very strange mindset shift from āOMG MUST OPTIMIZE EVERYTHING AND REDUCE REDUCE REDUCE OR ELSEā and I am uncomfortable, but trying to get there. Being uncomfortable is okay, it means that things are changing, and not all change is bad.
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This is awesome. The podcast isnāt perfect but it has also prompted me to shift my thinking and discuss that with my fiancĆ©. Thankful!
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I totally agree!! I am very much a ātake what I like and leave the restā type of person and I have decided to āleave the restā with about 50% of what he says. But that also means I got 50% of value from the content that did resonate with me!
The shift in thinking is really the biggest take away that I have from this. I am happy it has helped you too!! Do you have any specific examples that you want to share about how your thinking has shifted?
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OK, I just read the transcript for episode 23 and I am also annoyed at the host! It feels like he starts off by assuming that her desire for security must not be rational (and, to be fair, wanting a beach house in a fancy place isā¦not at all related to any kind of rational security, lol). But then it turns out theyāre not even saving $12k/yr out of $425k??? Where is all that money going??? I would be feeling wildly insecure too if my outflows were that big in both relative and absolute terms!
I feel like this episode didnāt have much in takeaways for me - oh wait, this whole bit.
tracking expenditures
Lauren: [00:25:31] Well, I do still track all of my expenditures. Itās just too hard for me to include Alex in his expenditures, because itās already hard enough trying to track mine. So, Iām doing a lot like when it comes to like tracking, and saving, and investing.
Ramit Sethi: [00:25:45] And does it get you anything?
Lauren: [00:25:47] No.
Ramit Sethi: [00:25:48] So, why are you doing it?
Lauren: [00:25:50] I mean, it is interesting to see how much I spend on groceries, and skincare each month, and gifts, because I spend a lot of gifts.
Ramit Sethi: [00:25:59] Itās not that interesting. I mean, why are you doing it? Iām asking legitimately. You told me before we started here that budgets donāt seem to work, theyāre like the diet fad of the week, and then now, youāre telling me, you spend a lot of time on it, so why? What are you getting out of it?
Lauren: [00:26:17] I think itās going to lead to something, but I donāt know what. Iām getting something out of it. It makes me feel responsible that Iām tracking my expenses.
Ramit Sethi: [00:26:29] Uh-huh. Keep going.
Lauren: [00:26:30] I feel responsible, and I know where the moneyāitās probably has something to do with control, maybe, but I like knowingāit makes me feel maybe less out of control, because Iāve got these Excel spreadsheets and Iām tracking things.
Ramit Sethi: [00:26:46] Mm-hmm. And control means what?
Lauren: [00:26:52] Like that Iām not out of control, that weāre notāI donāt know what control means, to tell you the truth.
Heh, chasing that feeling of control. Yes. I see myself. 
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Most of my interactions with money have been from a scarcity mindset, saving every penny, especially when I was broke. But now that Iām in a more stable place with income, it feels like time to plan for joy and not let fear guide all of my financial decisions! Asking questions like what does a joyful, full life look like for us, and what does it cost?
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itās not that interesting 
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The most charitable explanation I can come up with is that he meant āYouāre not doing it for fun. Why are you doing this then? Tell me in words what value you get out of this because I donāt think you know yourself.ā But thatās definitely not what he was conveying.
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Itās Tuesday! No new episode, boo.
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Episode 12 with Laura and Greg. Ramit has not been able to get through to Greg. Greg is monosyllabic, skeptical, stubborn, and unwilling to be creative about his future. His wife is right there, saying, we donāt want our lives to just be FINE! And Greg responds, āwell, it depends.ā If I was Laura, I would just be so dejected, like why even try.
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Yeah but isnāt that the episode where she told him just before the call that they were having the call? Not the best way to get buy-in. I predict they wont be married much longerā¦
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