Gift giving budget? (help me write advice column)

Ummm

Well I’ve been poor some years and people seem to still like me even though gifts is the only thing I seem to be capable of doing well so I’m sure that you have a strength people like

3 Likes

I don’t want to make an account over there to comment, but @anomalily, macarons are GF and if you get them with jam instead of chocolate or buttercream as filling they’d also be dairy free. Not vegan though, cause there’s lots of egg white.

2 Likes

I’m still not sure what the difference is between macaron and macaroons but apparently they are two different things and not just different spellings?

1 Like

I just thought macaron was the fancy spelling. :crazy_face:

Macarons are the sandwich cookies and are gf and French

Macaroons are the horrible tricksy cookies that look like chocolate but are secretly coconut. I think they are also GF because they’re always at Passover.

2 Likes

it’s extra fancy when you delete another “a” and it’s the former prime minister of france.

4 Likes

Ohhh I’ve made these before, a vegan version at least. I do not like chocolate but love coconut so I’m on board.

I hate shredded coconut so much and you can’t tell from the outside that there’s any in them. I’ve been tricked multiple times :rage:

4 Likes

Shredded coconut is evil.

3 Likes

some people have very strong opinions on how much you should spend on gifts. It’s interesting to see the people that are DEEPLY offended at a $100 for everyone gift budget and the people who are appalled at the idea of spending $100 on a friend.

Also…apparently I have averaged $103 on gifts annually for the past seven years? some of the commenters are making me consider I’m a terrible person because of this?!?

7 Likes

Not all people are gift people! And not everyone has the same budget. It would be ridiculous for me to expect my siblings to spend as much on me as I do on them just based on our ages and financial situation. Wouldn’t bat an eye at them budgeting $100 total for Christmas.

One thing I love about my friends starting to have kids is I can give them a hundred bucks for their education fund and they are typically thrilled as opposed to giving the adult friends a hundred bucks for the adults which people are weirdly offended by (except my siblings they love it lol).

There’s so much weird cultural aspect of gifts that is a lot about status and relative status within relationships. Like in my family there’s some expectation of gift giving because my family is fanatical about Christmas (pastor’s kid yo) but no expectations around the spending magnitude of a gift. But if your family wasn’t big on gifts and or you don’t have a ton of siblings and you’re not in the everyone’s getting married/having babies (which seems to be the big thing where you are weirdly obligated to give a gift, sometimes even if you don’t go) it’s not like, surprising to not spend much on gifts every year.

So like Greyman and I don’t do Valentine’s day gifts or celebrations at all, whatsoever, because it’s not a day that we find significant. (Some people are APPALLED by this and when GM was on a work trip on Valentine’s day one year his coworkers told him he would be in the doghouse when he came home :roll_eyes:)

And the ways you give aren’t really holiday-based, or stuff based. You give gifts of yourself to your community by organizing and volunteering in so many events it makes my head spin. You make sure that many copies of your financial resources and even classes are available to people who can’t afford to buy them but need that accessible financial education. You give away journals on your Livestream and stickers and I know these are business things but also you don’t HAVE to.

And I think that’s a lot of what your advice comes down to is that people come into a relationship where finances and gifts are often done in partnership, and rarely do two people’s values around material gifts match up. Generosity and expression of appreciation looks different for different people. You’re not a Scrooge!

7 Likes

awww thank you for saying all that. I do value giving of my time far more than giving gifts - gifts stress me out, but stepping in when people need help with a thing I can help with is much easier.

I like to help my friends with things that are hard for them that I’m good at, liking buying plane tickets or financial stuff, or arguing with health insurance.

Most of my friends got married when they were already older so they didn’t ask for presents because they don’t need more stuff, so usually it was just helping set up or officiating or taking photos or whatever. Maybe I just have really cheap friends lol.

Also I don’t celebrate Christmas or have siblings so that’s a big whack off there.

4 Likes

I think giving presents is so weird as a concept too when you’re on equal footing financially. Like let’s both buy each other something that we can obviously afford ourselves since we’re buying things of equal value. And it has to somehow be something you would want and can afford but wouldn’t think to buy. Or have actively put off buying so someone could get it for you. I dunno weird. How about we all just keep our money and buy ourselves something nice?

And yet I love gift exchanges where there’s a specified spend limit. Go figure.

3 Likes

And yeah, Christmas and birthday spending on my siblings is the vast majority of my stuff gifts.

1 Like

hahaha I hate them. Though I went to a white elephant party once with people who were leaving on a mission abroad, and they gave away half their stuff and it was very fun.

3 Likes

I am also not a gift person and just realized I need to get my folks and niblings something. Bro and i have a truce. XD best decision ever. Partner and i give silly handmade things. Like that one time i gave her a rock with an inside joke written on it.
:upside_down_face:

Aka ty for the reminder that ppl expect this!!!?

3 Likes

Seriously I’m doing a bit of panicking now. We’re doing a latke party for sso’s bday on xmas eve and now I’m like “fuck!” should I get things for people?

2 Likes

NOOOO ur fine. adults can deal with their capitalism expectations being gently dashed. But i should probably get a cute dino toy for the 3 year old or something…

5 Likes

No there’s gonna be the full slate of niblings at it! That’s the worry. Also it’s during Channakah and xmas eve. I think I need to go find some things that children between the ages of 2-6 will like. CANDY FOR EVERYONE

4 Likes

Your own advice of small wrapped candies is perfect then
Little favors, not :heavy_dollar_sign::heavy_dollar_sign::heavy_dollar_sign:but cute and fun

3 Likes