Why's that funny?

Ok, TW: sexual assault and maybe something else. If anyone reads this and feels others are useful, let me know and I’ll add them. I won’t be spoilering things in here, at least at the start. The whole thread should be avoided if you don’t have space to talk about this.

Let’s talk about jokes that include implied or explicit man on man sexual assault. Later if we get really into why it’s ok we can tackle other tropes. I’m not going to caveat a bunch of things. You all know me. You know where I’m coming from. So lets get to it.

In the funny things thread there was a joke about a guy who, among other things, “got to have sex 2-3 times a day” and “still complains about being in prison”. A lot of people hearted this. I’m a little confused. Are people unfamiliar with the prison sex trope? Is it fine that we’re, at the very least, implying that man on man rape is cool and funny? Is it fine because all men are bad and deserve to know how it feels? Or is it fine because clearly if the guy is in prison, he deserves it?

Because, hey! None of those things are ok! Not a single one. So tell me. Am I missing something? Why’s that funny?


You’re not and it wasn’t.


It wasn’t okay. I thought about saying something but didn’t, and I’m very glad you did. I should have stepped up to the plate earlier and addressed it, and I’m glad for the accountability you brought. I will try to be more proactive in the future.


I’m very glad you are raising this point. It looks like at least a few of us saw that, were uncomfortable, let it slide. I doubt we would have if the implied assault involved women or a context other than jail.
I’m as guilty of this as anyone.
I’ll criticize men who stay quiet when other men are being gross with “locker room talk”, but then don’t do anything when a similar situation. I need to examine my prejudices and step the fuck up.


Thank you for pointing it out. I’m pretty sure I hearted it ànd I just went back to find it, because I’d misread it as she and my brain coded it as consensual.* However there’s a huge trope of prison violence being funny and that’s not okay. I’m glad you saw the subtext and pointed it out. I’m sorry I missed it and that you felt alone pointing it out. You aren’t alone

*So I was reading it more in the tone of despondent millennial i.e the recent meme about being excited to live for free with the beast. And now I’m thinking about the ways that’s problematic


Like elle, I also misread the comic and didn’t register it referring to assault. I am sorry too that I missed that. I know in this area I have massive privilege (no assault history of any kind) and definitely acknowledge that I need to do better.


I also didn’t register the assault part and hearted it. I am privileged to have no assault in my life, but that’s no excuse for being blind about it. I apologize and will try to do better.


(Also, love you all and this community. Glad we can combine accountability and kindness. I’ve learned so much more than I can express from you all)


Me too, it was only later when I realized what it meant and I was like “oh that’s not funny”, but by that time it was very deep down the thread.


I am the one that posted it and it didn’t even register to me about the assault part of it.

I am really sorry that I didn’t pick up on it and thank you for flagging it and getting it removed.

I want to apologise to everyone


Thank you for bringing this up brute :heart: I read it under the “dark millennial humor” angle but… it really isn’t okay and I’m glad you pushed back.


I do hate how often those “jokes” fly under the radar.

edit: this is not accusatory, but a cultural observation.


Howdy folks. Kept meaning to reply but needed to wait until I had the energy and also wouldn’t come off trying to re-make a point everyone already agreed with.

First, I don’t want anyone to feel guilt here. Why? Well, we all learned and decided to put that new knowledge and perspective into action. No guilt for people who saw it the way I did and didn’t say anything. These days, more than ever, we have to pick our battles. The world sucks, we’re in a pandemic, and there’s enough going on that our focus isn’t likely to be on this subset of people. No worries.

I’m not about to go men’s rights activist over here, fear not. I’m not asking you to give up your favorite movies or books or anything. All I want to do is say thank you for understanding.

I think it’s all too easy to get caught up in the energy of the current fight for < insert group here > and forget that, at the base of it, people deserve to be treated like humans. Now, there’s plenty of individuals I’d like to see < insert something bad here > happen to, but if empathy plays a role in how to we treat and see each other, it can go a long way towards winning hearts and minds.