When they get a little bigger, you can tell them, “Now you have two!” and they think that is a delightful resolution to the broken crayon problem. I realize it doesn’t work on toddlers, though.
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Because “Daddy not have to go to work”
(aka- the wrong parent stayed home to take care of him while he is sick. He does NOT want Mommy)
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She asked me to put her hair up, so I put her hair up, and then she cried. (She never wants her hair up, so I was pleasantly surprised when she asked. Jokes on me).
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Because I suggested maybe I could trim his toe nails. I tried every trick in the book, no dice.
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Life is too hard, and everyone tells her it’s just going to get harder so “enjoy your youth!” and she’s already not enjoying it so what is there to look forward to?
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Fuck that. Her age was my WORST AGE. Ever. Period. If she’s not enjoying it, IT GETS BETTER. Fuck those nostalgiac jerks with rose colored glasses.
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HARD SAME. High school sucked even though on paper it should have been good.
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I will wax lyrical about how being over 30 is fucking fantastic. How being 23 and going away to a craft camp with a bestie is delightful. We are here for her.
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Highschool was the worst. Those people are stupid.
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LOL at my high school graduation a friend’s mom gave me a hug and said tearfully, “It’s so sad that your best days are behind you!”
I will never forget the deep visceral revulsion I felt.
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Seriously, WTF. My reaction to the end of high school was ‘well, glad that’s finally done with’ and I haven’t exactly revised my opinion since 
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omg yes! the first day of freshman year of high school, they showed us a film called “the best 4 years of your life” and i was like it fuckin better not be!
reader, it wasnt 
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I enjoyed high school for the most part (partly because I am good at classes, partly because I was semi-oblivious to other people), and I still am SO exceptionally glad to not be a teenager anymore.
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I just cannot wrap my mind around that. The average life expectancy in the United States is, what, late 70s? So you’re telling me that 14-18 are the best years of my life? Barely a quarter of the way through? Way to peak early. 
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We fetishize youth and the youthful experience so much in this culture, it’s utterly bizarre to me. Was even when I was A Youth.
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I find it easier to trim my cat’s nails than my child’s. Usually I get about 15+ cat nails and 3 child nails done on nail day.
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She’ll find her best best years. Can you please send her here so I can hug her?
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Because Max’s parents wrote all of HIS homework for him, so my parents should too. And also because Mama put me in my room without a song because I HIT HER because she wouldn’t write my homework.
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