I (he/him) have been out a few times with a someone (he/him) who insists on paying for stuff.
This is super new to me. My date paying philosophy is: (1) presume an equitable* split; and (2) the inviter or asker should pay or at a minimum offer/expect to pay, especially if they have selected the venue or activity.
*equitable can include 50-50 splits (each time or taking turns), paying your own check, or proportional share with income disparate couples, especially the longer you’ve been dating/together.
The someone knows that I aim to be frugal and that I don’t eat out very often. So some of his insistence on paying comes from a place of thinking that I wouldn’t be eating out or going to a specific activity if we weren’t seeing one another. He has said that it is affordable to him/he is in an ok place financially. He also has been very open about doing things that are free/cheap/not getting food.
The asker/inviter model isn’t very useful. He is a recent transplant to the area, so more of the ideas of what to do come from me (because I know where things are/things that exist) & are then mutually agreed upon. I’d feel a little better if he was paying for things he suggested, rather than things I did. Of course, I’m doing more of the ‘figuring out what to do’ emotional labor, and, eventually, would like that to balance out.
We haven’t spent enough time together to have deep and meaningful conversations about finances or frugality yet, though it’s come up in a bunch of ways. From what I can tell, I am in a much stronger, more secure financial position. Letting him pay for stuff when I could afford it - or suggest we do cheaper activities - feels weird to borderline wrong.
Thoughts or suggestions? This may just be a dating thing and not LGBTQI+ dating specific. Feel free to move topic if so.