So today (during yoga, yay me) I realized why I have issues with implementing gratitude practices:
I think “I am grateful for x thing”
Then I think, “wow I am really so fortunate I can do/have/be x thing”
“Especially compared to [all the people who don’t have x thing or are suffering for unrelated reasons]”
“Wow it’s really awful how many people are suffering”
Then I am once again mad about systemic injustice and not actually grateful because it’s so unfair that I’m ok when so many people aren’t.
My therapist once told me that I am talented at turning wins into losses, and it’s pretty clear that what’s I’m doing here, but I’m curious if other people are susceptible to this spiral and if anyone has tips on how to stay in the gratitude instead of immediately shifting back to anger and despair?
I had…maybe not exactly the same, but quite a similar resistance to the gratitude thing (I think AllHat had suggested it on my journal back in pandemic times), but now it’s a pretty important tool in my “feeling better” toolbox. A couple of things that worked for me:
picking fairly specific things that happened to focus on for gratitude. Being grateful that I have shelter could easily flip into unpleasant places, but being grateful that I have a really cute reading nook that the sun hits just right is less fraught for me?
Similarly, thinking about a specific time bounded experience or thing - I’m grateful the blossom was so beautiful this morning, or I’m grateful I had a lovely evening with a friend - again there’s no in built assumption of “and everytime this isn’t true it’s a problem” with that.
In general, I think for me it’s more about noticing (and therefore enjoying more) good things, than trying to wrap my whole life in gratitude. As I was writing these examples out I discovered I was often using the word “glad” rather than grateful, which is maybe closer to what I’m actually focusing on.
I also do sometimes sort of go through people I care about and sort of wish something for each of them? (e.g. I wish friend A would find a period of peace after a busy time at work, I hope friend B grows their confidence) - this fills a gap of both not being too insular, whilst also remaining focused on positive things. It also helps me in a sort of internally passive agressive way when someone’s annoying me (I wish person C would feel secure enough in themselves to not constantly have to put me down) by allowing me to both feel morally superior and move past the immediate annoyance and be able to continue interacting with them in a more kind way. I suspect this might be more of a personal foible though!
The main thing that made me think of this thread is her idea of an “attention audit.” No judgment, just looking at where your attention is going throughout the day.
I’m making a note to look at these later. I’ve read quite a few attention books and this one appeals to me due to the emphasis on creativity. Thanks for sharing!
