My mom died in 2000 - but I always hated mother’s day and the obligatory gift (so hard to pick something, but she wasn’t difficult about this) and card (does everyone else really have the bestest mom ever - but I honestly can”t buy that card and they all seem to have a similar grandiose effusive statement that feels like a lie to me).
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No. No we did not. If there was a card that said “well, you managed to keep me alive until I could escape”, I could go for that. She’d probably think it’s hilarious too, so it works.
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Exactly. Though mom would NOT have found that funny.
“You did the best you could” is my mantra for my mom.
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@Gdogg I try to tell myself that parenting is just a job, and that some people are just really fucking terrible at certain jobs.
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This is me, too. Except I usually add on “I guess?” to the end…I tell myself my mom did the best she could to be diplomatic, but I don’t know if I fully believe it’s true. My mom is/was not a natural parent, and probably would not do it again if she got a do over. She is way better at a lot of other things!
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Bahahahha, the “I guess” just made me genuinely laugh. Thanks for that 
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Yes, so much this. I guess I am placating myself with the idea that she tried?
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My mom is not as bad as your mom, but
Summary
she’s gone to therapy a few times and I can’t help but think the therapist is only hearing her perspective and she’s going to be an unreliable narrator, but I also don’t want to do a session with her because I am NOT opening up that can of worms. Not worth my time and emotional labor. If I could magically take away all cable news access for her I totally would, though.
But I guess you have some useful insights on how your mom’s mind works, in a two-chess-moves-ahead kind of way?
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LOL about cable news, SERIOUSLY.
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I know exactly how all of this feels, and I am sorry.
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I appreciate that <3 I’m sorry you have to deal with it too. Solidarity sister, lol.
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Same here. Our relationship is rocky, but when I step back and just think about her as a person…she really did the best she could. Not sure I would have done things so differently given her circumstances. I feel like this isn’t something we can talk about, though, she doesn’t see things the same way.
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Tiny Complaint: gluten-free bread just isn’t that good.
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Car’s check engine light came on again yesterday for the second time in several months. Car’s running fine so I have no idea why it’s doing this. Dad dropped it off at the dealership for me today. No guarantee they’ll get to it today though.
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In many ways I think my mom (both parents) did an overall good job, but there are things that happened that emotionally hurt me badly when I was young that she just cannot understand. I was young and I didn’t understand and it was “none of my business”. Because she never effectively dealt with it, she continues to harbor resentment toward my father. They are both good people (really), but it is genuinely painful being around them sometimes because of this huge blind spot in my mother’s self-awareness. She treats my father terribly (talks to him in a condescending tone and treats him like he’s an idiot) and doesn’t see that she’s doing it. It’s impossible to talk to her about any of this because she thinks I am blaming her as the victim and “I don’t know what she went through”. Her walls go up and she shuts down any conversation. I love my parents, but I too struggle when trying to pick out a card. I want one that says I appreciate the love and support I had as a child and continue to have as an adult, but all of our lives would be so much better if you would deal with your s***!
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Oh boy
I feel that. Whenever I talk to mom about things when I was a kid, it’s “there’s no way you could understand” and “that is NOT what happened.”
My folks (thankfully) got divorced when I was in high school. Don’t get me wrong, it was rough, but genuinely for the better. My dad wasn’t allowed to parent us until that point, so all of a sudden this poor guy is a single dad with no idea how to run a house or what to grocery shop for.
It was super trippy a few years back to realize that they’re both just…people. not necessarily good or bad people, just people.
I now just use a formula for my mom lol. Cute with animals or vaguely religious = bonus points. Simple “happy [event], I love you.”
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I couldn’t do religious cards because I don’t believe. Which is kind of ironic that I am driven that the card has to be “honest”. When blank cards came along it was nice, except then you have to come up with something to write.
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I was just told that the pandemic alterations to sick time don’t apply to me since I’ve been exceptionally productive while working remotely. So by getting more shit done than ever, I don’t get to take advantage of the taking time off with pay but not using PTO that the rest of the company has access to right now.
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WTF?!?!
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…
Quit that assface job.
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