The Ultimatum: Queer Love (netflix)

Anyone watch this? MvR and I have watched the first few episodes. There was a straight couples version last year, and it got audience reviews of 14% on Rotten Tomatoes!! This one seems to have righted the ship somewhat, and gets audience reviews of 80%. A bit of an improvement.

It seems like it is designed for Reality TV drama - the premise is this: Five queer couples where one person claims they are ready to marry (their partner, presumably…) while the partner is not ready. They spend a week dating the other eight people (!) and then must choose a new partner for a trial 3-week marriage. They live together, but then they spend another 3-weeks in a second trial marriage with their original partner. After all that, decide from 3 options:

  1. marry their original partner
  2. marry someone new
  3. break up and be single

So overall that seems like a bad idea, and designed for drama. Though there is a pinch of answering a question - if you’re not sure you’re ready to marry your partner, is it because you think “what if there’s someone better out there?” And also maybe “what’s it like living with someone new for 3 weeks, and how does that compare to my partner?”

So, any thoughts? Terrible idea for a show? Does it work somehow? Is it stupid to have a straight host or doesn’t that matter?


I started watching it. Entertaining trash. I enjoyed it.

When I get past the first episode I might have more in depth thoughts.


Omg I started watching and the cringe was too much for me. I have trouble understanding how and why people subject themselves to that.

But also it was GREAT to see so many queer people represented in the trashy reality tv show genre.


Paging @Bernadette have you watched yet? Any more info on the friend of the friend?

My binge watch with my coworker keeps getting postponed due to annoying laywerly things like court hearings and depositions.


I watched the first 4 episodes with a new friend over the weekend and it was so much fun to trash talk. I don’t know if I could handle watching it alone.

My biggest serious issue is that they never went over pronouns. Everyone is called a trial wife, referred to as she/her, but there are non-binary folks who do not use those pronouns. The show knows this, since they list pronouns on insta profiles.


I also thought they’d go over pronouns at some point.

There is definitely one I would classify as chaotic evil, my husband and I can’t stand her at 4 episodes in. (Maybe she isn’t intentionally but the effect of her words and actions certainly is and she seems to have a lack of awareness of her impact on people) I’m glad she is getting called out as often as she is.


I have a lot of thoughts, but I hope some of you catch up! :slight_smile: We’re near the end of the 2nd trial marriage phase, where they spend 3 weeks living with their original partner. And several of my opinions have changed!


Unfortunately, Aussie likely needs professional help. Mildred was a terrible match for what they need. Sam really has grown so much, and I loved how her trial marriage ended up Tiff because they really did learn a lot from each other. I don’t feel like Mildred has moved past being “spicy” (and quick to go to extremes.)

I don’t see Lexi the same way as I did earlier on. She is confident and self-assured, but she might take that too far and lack some compassion and understanding. I think Rae is going through some maturation, but I don’t know if Lexi is going to step up and help her through that.

Xander and Yoly seem really selfish (putting what they want before what a committed partner needs) and I’m starting to see their ultimatums as something different than "I’m so committed to you but more “I want what I want and I want you to promise I’ll always have it.”

Vanessa is presenting a better version of herself, but she has given us reasons to doubt that version, so I’m curious to see if it remains consistent.

Mal is just such a phenomenal person and I feel bad for how strong she’s had to be given how things are progressing. Favorite on the show. She is intelligent and wise, and she does seem to realize how she fell short on commitment and contribution to her relationship with Yoly, and she seems prepared to put the effort in now.

Oh and Vanessa’s dad. PLEASE tell me your opinions :rofl:


@Bernadette Mal is in her underwear and T shirt and doesn’t need bathroom space and I NEED you.

If Aussie strips down I’ll die.




I know exactly the scene you mean!! She is trying to murder us.


Somebody needs to make a tshirt with “BE LIKE MAL” on it. She is such a wonderful human.

Aussie needs to get into good therapy STAT. Seems like she has done therapy but is still totally clueless about her triggers, which are SO F-IN OBVIOUS.

Every time I see Vanessa I can’t help but thinking she is the evil twin of Natalie Portman.


Ugh. Hottest person on the show.

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That’s who her smile reminds me of, thank you.

I’m in episode 2. Lol props to the camera person/editor/whoever, at “I’m having all these conversations with literally the same people you are” (camera causally pans up to show Vanessa over shoulder across the room, then back down)


She reminds me of a young Idina Menzel, especially when she was Maureen in the Rent movie


I’m catching up on the show and it is so great/ terrible. I think my favourite reality dating show of all time.

I want to be friends with some of these people and others I would rather not share a planet with.


What is the timeline like on these episodes? I’m just now to The Choice where they pick who they’re going to live with, but have they been working their day jobs like normal and then doing this dating show after work? Mentally I’m just comparing it to Love Is Blind where they obviously had to take time off for the pods section of things.

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I think it is something like 10 days of dating, then three weeks with new partner, three weeks back with old partner, then final decision day. They seemed to be filming in LA but I don’t think everybody was from there. Some may have been working remotely

It looked like most of them took off the full sox weeks but some maybe not? They are in air bnb or something so I’m guessing working would be difficult unless you can commute. Maybe I should research. This hasn’t been mentioned in the sub reddit



End of episode two - oh Xander, no.


I love how everyone is going after Vanessa. But then Xander is like “no one else knows her like I do” Well technically yes, but also the others allowed to judge her on her shitty behavior towards themselves.

I like Lexi and Mal. I’m working on other names.

Episode 3, moving in together

Are those full size beds? Nah I’d be out, lol. OK maybe they’re queen beds and I’m just spoiled by my king bed.